words in movies
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Mike and Phoebe seem to have finished watching a movie on television.]
Mike: I'm gonna go. (He kisses Phoebe on the cheek)
Mike: I haven't been home in a couple of days and I need to get some more clothes.
Mike: I put that tube top on as a joke.
Mike: I want to stay too but I've gone as bad as much use out of these boxers as I can..
Mike: Done it. (Phoebe becomes a little more subdued) I'll be back in a couple of hours.
Mike: Me too. (He leaves. A few moments later, he enters again.) You know what? I just realised something. I don't wanna go home.
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Phoebe: Wow, Mike Hannigan...You sure know how to make a girl say "Hell yeah!"
Mike: So we're doing it?
Phoebe: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! (They embrace and Mike kisses Phoebe) Oh god, we're really going to move in together!
Mike: Yeah!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Mike enters.]
Mike: Phoebe and I are moving in together.
Mike: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Mike: Yes dear.
Phoebe: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Mike: You ready to go?
Mike: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe and Mike are packing stuff.]
Mike: Well hey, I wanna ask you about Monica's little "groomy" joke.
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Mike: Yeah well, that's the thing. For me it's as far as it can ever go.
Mike: Look. Phoebe, I-I love you. Very much. But I never want to get married again.
Mike: It's just my first marriage was, you know such a disaster. I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.
Mike: At one point near the end she deliberately defecated.....
Mike: Look it's not about who I would marry. And I was certain the first time I got married it would last forever. And I was totally wrong!
Mike: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
Mike: I'm sorry. Are you ok with that? Cause if not...maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea.
Mike: Trust me, I will never...
Phoebe: Mike doesn't ever wanna get married.
Ross: But come on! I mean living together will be great! I mean you guys have so much fun and you love Mike.
Phoebe: I do love Mike.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Ross is helping with the packing, Phoebe and Mike are also there.]
Mike: Very cool.
Mike: No but... You don't want to get married either right?
Mike: You wanna get married?
Mike: But if you wanna get married why didn't you say something before?
Mike: I want to live with you too! Let's do that!
Mike: Can we at least try living together? I mean you might change your mind about marriage.
Mike: No.
Mike: But I don't want this to end.
Mike: I can't believe this is gonna end. I guess I'll have my stuff packed up.
Mike: Ok... so...(They hug) Goodbye.
Chandler/Joey/Rachel/Monica: Bye bye Mike!/Cya mike!/Bye mike!/Bye bye now!
Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
Mike: Well, if I ever goto Minsk, you'd better watch out.
[Scene: Phoebe's at her apartment waiting for Mike Ross comes over.]
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
David: Right-o, right-o... (to Mike) Take good care of her. (and he leaves)
Phoebe: OK fine! Please come and support Mike. You don't have to sing.
Mike: All right, that was Kenneth with his much too literal rendition of "I touch myself". Coming up next we've got Monicasinging "Delta Dawn".
Mike: Oh, thank God. (he laughs nervously, and Phoebe gets her keychain from her bag.)
Helena: I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and (She holds the mike out to the audience.)
Mike: Stop! (The butler serves dinner)
Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
Monica: Absolutely! Yes, you say to him "I'm sorry Mike I can't live without her, she means too much to me!"
Phoebe: That woman at the game didn't know what she was talking about. Mike, obviously you have balls.
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Mike: and you don't have to worry about glue sniffing with me. although I do smell the occasional magic marker, yeah ah anyway I just think I can make you happy.
Mike: (takes the check from Phoebe) Ok, look! Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. (thinking) Now... what do you think we should do?
ROSS: Ah?� (Mike nods.� Another pause.)� Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. .
Ross: YAY! (He continues the happiness with her by dancing around) quick thing, I went to talk to Mike.
Joey: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said... (Looks through his address book) There's no guy in there!
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: I don't know, I mean I'm not sure (they hear cracking voice from somewhere else in the kitchen, probably a rat caught in a trap) ...
ROSS: Oh, you know . . . we just drank some beer and Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct.
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
(We see the screen where it says: "Mike will you marry me?" and then we see Phoebe and Mike on the screen. Phoebe stands up and kneels in front of Mike.)
Mike: Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. I mean, you really deserve that.
Joey: Look Phoebe I'm so sorry! Hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one. (Looks around) Mike!! Mike!!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross and Mike are sitting on the sofa.� Ross is fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater while Mike blows his cheeks out.� Ross blows a piece of fuzz from his finger.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
Phoebe: (really surprised) Oh wow, ooh! Ooh, big step for Phoebe and Mike.
Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
David: Uhm... uhm... Goodbye... Uh... Schto ya ztez vigul... ui... (David holds his hands gently on the back of Phoebe's neck. There's a sound of a a bunch of keys rattling, and the door opens... It's Mike)
Joey: Alright, then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. And afterward you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk!
Monica: Ok, it's 2100 hours. (to Phoebe) Time for your toast. (Mike appears)
MIKE: Ah, you mean lager.
Joey: Mike, 'attorney at law'!
Mike: You should be careful when checking your overhead bins, 'cause items may shift during...
(Ross is dumbfounded to see Mike instead of David)
Phoebe: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
Phoebe: (pointing at Mike and shouting) I sleep with him!
Phoebe: No, Mike, I don't want to kill him! I thought we were just gonna capture him and, and you know, set him free in the country side where he can maybe meet a friendly possom and a wisecracking owl.
Phoebe: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at "who's more over who"! (at which she walks away)
Mike: Oh she's my girlfriend. That's not just how we do it here. I got to get a break and when we come back we've got Kennethsinging "I touch myself"...I'm not here to judge!
Mike: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. Transcribed by: Ruth Curran
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
Mike: It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped.
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is? (she giggles, Chandler looks aghast)
(Mike opens the door and there is a gigantic ice sculpture standing in the doorway)
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof & Mike Sikowitz. Transcribed by: guineapig
Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
Phoebe: Excuse me, anniversary. Excuse me, anniversary. (looking at her ticket). Uhm, sir, could you move your nachos... they’re in my seat. It's my anniversary. (to Mike) Here we are! (Mike nods). Can’t believe it's been a whole year!
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
MIKE: (looking at his watch) Eleven minutes.� (long pause)� And now twelve.� So, do you like the beer?
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
Phoebe: well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. (Pause) if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward (She sits with her eyes closed and Mike kisses her, Phoebe opens her eyes and like a little child says.) You kissed me.
Bitsy: She actually makes me miss that pill-popping ex-wife of his. (Mike walks in) Oh, hello dear...
[Scene: The New York City Children's Fund building. Phoebe and Mike are entering.]
Mike: Your lipstick's on his mouth.
Phoebe: HEY! Mike called were going out again! YAY! YAY! (She dances around with happiness)
Mike: Actually I've been playing a lot of love songs lately. I've missed you.
MIKE: (Holds up a six pack of Foster's Lager) I got beer.
Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.
Mike: Actually yeah, that'll be great.
Mike: Absolutely! Or maybe just a little less pimp spit.
Monica: I can't believe she's gonna say yes to David. She's clearly in love with Mike.
Mike: I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night.
Phoebe: Yeah... Ogh... Okay, fine. You made your point. Can you please just be Mike Hannigan again?
Phoebe: No, no, no, I actually it's any baby animals: kittens, fish babies... You know... especially veal... and this, this nice vein of fat running through it... (she cuts the meat, picks it up with her fork and holds it in front of her mouth, which she keeps closed, trying to overcome her vegetarian thoughts... and... puts it in her mouth... Clearly not enjoying the meat...) Hmmm... yummy (everybody seems okay with it, except Mike. He's making a hmmmm.... face... Then Phoebe swallows it) Hmmm... (at first she likes it, but then, in an instant puts her hand in front of her mouth and runs from the table. You hear a door slamming.)
Monica: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? (Mike hangs up the phone) Damnit!
Phoebe: Yeah... ooh... wow... Even started to think I'd never meet someone that, you know, I wanted to... do this with. Here you go. (Both Phoebe and Mike look really proud.)
Monica: Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn-on.You wanna...? (plays with her finger on Chandlers chest)
Mike: I'm sorry, really, I'm so embarrassed. Really, I'm a pretty nice guy. Just ask my parole officer...Apparently I'm not a funny guy.
Mike: Yeah, we met in college. (Off Joey's look) I mean, high school.
David: Mike is your ex... uh... boyfriend!
Phoebe: I know! (points at herself) Evil! And... and... and... I like Mike so much, you know. It's just going really well. Oh my God!
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
David: That's fair, you've had a long trip. (he leaves his seat to Mike, and stands there looking for a chair. He finally goes to Monica and Chandler's table)
David: She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and... well, it's actually because of you, really, that we're together, I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy, and I just said "Boy, I want that".
Phoebe: No, I know, this way when I go to the party later Mike will know I am over him cause I'm gonna smell like another guy. (to the shop assistant) Yeah.
Phoebe: Look David, if... if you had never left, then... yeah, we'd probably still be together right now, but... you did leave, and I-I'm with Mike and I really care about him...
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
[Scene: the hotel game room. Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong]
MIKE: Yeah.� (pause)� Yeah, I'm sorry.� I don't . . . I don't really like to talk about it.
David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Phoebe and Mike are watching the game. There's cheering, but Phoebe seems distracted.]
(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)
Mike: Yes. Yeah and thanks for all the wedding night advice. (walks away) That didn't make me uncomfortable at all! Alright, so I'll see everybody tonight?
Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered)
Phoebe: All right, we'll se you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
Mike: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof, Mike Sikowitz, Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: Jim & Tracy Lambers With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!