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(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)
Mike: Oh, figuring out our wedding plans.
Mike: I heard that weddings are like a 40 billion dollar a year industry.
Mike: Are you serious?
Mike: I think it would make me wanna marry you even more. (he kisses her)
Mike: Completely anonymous. From two kind strangers.
Mike: Not necessary.
Mike: And "X" is spelled uhm... "Mike Hannigan".
Mike: It does. It feels really good!
Mike: We’re seriously asking for our money back?
Phoebe (to Mike): Gay, go.
Mike (to the charity guy): Oh my God, I love your shirt!
Mike: Yeah! This feels really good.
Mike: She could have been talking about either one of us.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike enter]
Mike: You never told me about that guy on your sweet sixteen. Oh, ugh. I'm sorry about that.
Mike: Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. I mean, you really deserve that.
Mike: No! No, no. I see where this is going. Don't make me go back there.
Mike: Alright, fine. We'll give the money back.
[Scene: The New York City Children's Fund building. Phoebe and Mike are entering.]
Mike: No, no, we're here to give the money back.
Mike: (takes the check from Phoebe) Ok, look! Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. (thinking) Now... what do you think we should do?
Mike: What?
Mike: Well, I mean... It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Joey: Mike.
Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?
Joey: MIKE!!!
Mike: Yeah?
Mike: I am Mike.
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer.
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Mike: No, I didn't.
Mike: What?!
Mike: It was nice meeting you!
Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
Mike: Really?
Mike: There isn't a piano here.
Mike: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...
Mike: That's great. What kind of music do you play?
(Phoebe and Mike look at him, and he goes over to the counter.)
Mike: Hey, so are you sure your ready to go.
Mike: Phoebe (comes in smiling then sees Phoebe crying) what's wrong?
Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?
Mike: Oh.
[Scene: Ross goes to see Mike to explain about Phoebe.]
Mike: what's up is Phoebe ok?
Mike: Sure (looks confused) who are you?
Mike: that's why she was weird.
Mike: but you did say it
Mike: Vicrum?
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
[Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.]
Mike: I just think there's somebody better out there for you, (pause) I mean I'm not saying me but. maybe me.
Mike: what's wrong?
Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross
Mike: Definitely
Mike: uh huh
Ross: So, so, is Mike coming to dinner?
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Mike: its Mike Hanagen
Mike: Okay. Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out?
Phoebe: (returns) Okay, that was Mike.
Mike: This is nice.
Mike: Is it?
Mike: You need both hands for that?
Phoebe: (impatient) I know Mike, why don't you keep digging?
Phoebe: I'm... I'm just... I'm the worst person ever. How can I not tell David that I'm seeing Mike?
Mike: Is this cool, huh?
Mike: It's to my apartment.
Mike: So... how many guys have your key?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. David is still there. Mike closes the door.]
Mike: Did you uhm...
Mike: ...kiss him?
Mike: Don't point your finger at me.
Mike: Well, I might.
Mike: It's never gonna happen again right?
Mike: Hey, what are you kidding me?
Ross: well then I didn't need to bother you or the four other Mike Hanagens I bothered.
Phoebe: I'm sooo sorry!! I just... I keep thinking about Mike! I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together. Why-Why do I miss Mike? That's-that's gonna go away, right?
MIKE: (releases a whoosh of air) Ya know, I'm going to take off.
RACHEL: Phoebe's Mike?
(Phoebe and Mike enter.)
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
RACHEL: Okay.� You too.� And I hope you score.� (to Mike) Bye.
MIKE:� So, you're a paleontologist, right?
MIKE: Ah?� (pause)� Do you have one here?
MIKE: Wha . . .?� Go back?� To the "land where time stands still"?
MIKE: Uh, no.� I just left.
MIKE: Hey buddy.
MIKE: I can't do that!
(Mike knocks on Ross's door.� Ross opens it.)
ROSS: Oh, it's fine.� Actually, I, I invited Mike over.
MIKE: Okay.� (pause)
MIKE: Yeah.
MIKE: Bye.
MIKE: Well, yeah.
(Mike leaves.� Ross closes the door behind him.)
MIKE: Um, can I come back in?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is reading from a book.]
MIKE: Hello?
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
PHOEBE: I know.� That was fun.� (She and Mike exit.)
MIKE: (nods) uh-huh.
MIKE: It's true.� I did.
MIKE: Hey.
MIKE: Yeah.
MIKE: No.� Just his mom.
[Tag Scene: Central Perk.� Phoebe and Mike are on the sofa.� Ross enters.]
MIKE: (nods) Things are about to get wild.
Phoebe: Hey Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Mike: What, is he your pet rat?
David: Yes, but uhm... You should know... she really likes you. I-In fact I-I-I don't think you realise j-just how lucky you are fella. (he points at Mike)
Mike: Thank you.
Mike: No, no, to test his neck strength.
MIKE: (finally) Stout.� That's a kind of beer.
Mike: Setting rat traps.
Mike: Hey P