words in movies
Originally written by Jeffrey Astroff and Mike Sikowitz Transcribed by Josh Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan SIlverstein.
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Mike: (sighs) No...
Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
Mike: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.
Mike: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.
MIKE: I'm so glad you're back.� (He hugs Phoebe.)
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
Mike: Phoebe you don't have to eat...
Monica: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical).
Mike: Can we at least try living together? I mean you might change your mind about marriage.
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
Mike: Well I've got a book around...
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Mike: So...? What do you think? (looks at his parents, which look in disgust)
Mike: Mom, dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents: Theodore and Bitsy.
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Helena: Im sorry? (Holds out the mike.)
Mike: Wow! You look like... like my mom.
Mike: No, my parents are rich.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Mike: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.
Mike: Hey... Wh... What are you doing?
Mike: And that's how it's done! (Phoebe kisses him)
Mike: No, no, no, you're doing fine, really... Why don't you go talk to my dad?
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this... I'm wanting them to get to know Phoebe, not (accent) Phoebe...
Mike: Well, come on...
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Theodore: How could you know. Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? (Theodore walks out... Mike walks towards Phoebe)
Mike: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
Mike: Uhm... Did you just hit my dad?
Mike: But, I mean, you have met... humans before, right? Look, why don't you go talk to my mom?
Mike: Awesome!
Mike: A little better.
Mike: I'm not interested.
Mike: Wanna get out of here?
Mike: So what? I mean if even I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you. And you don't have to like her. You just have to accept the fact that I do. I mean, if you even can't be civil to the woman I love...
Mike: You do?
Mike: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
Phoebe: So Theodore... I uhm... I can see where Mike gets his good looks from...
Mike: No, no Mike, just Crap Bag. First name Crap, last name Bag.
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Joey: Mike.
Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?
Mike: I am Mike.
Joey: MIKE!!!
Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer.
Mike: Yeah?
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Mike: It was nice meeting you!
Mike: No, I didn't.
Mike: What?!
Mike: That's great. What kind of music do you play?
Mike: Hey, so are you sure your ready to go.
Mike: Really?
Mike: There isn't a piano here.
Mike: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...
(Phoebe and Mike look at him, and he goes over to the counter.)
Mike: Phoebe (comes in smiling then sees Phoebe crying) what's wrong?
Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
[Scene: Ross goes to see Mike to explain about Phoebe.]
Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?
Mike: Oh.
Mike: what's up is Phoebe ok?
Mike: but you did say it
Mike: Sure (looks confused) who are you?
Mike: Vicrum?
Mike: that's why she was weird.
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
[Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.]
Mike: I just think there's somebody better out there for you, (pause) I mean I'm not saying me but. maybe me.
Mike: what's wrong?
Mike: Definitely
Mike: uh huh
Mike: You need both hands for that?
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Mike: its Mike Hanagen
Phoebe: (returns) Okay, that was Mike.
Mike: This is nice.
Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross
Ross: So, so, is Mike coming to dinner?
Mike: Okay. Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out?
Mike: Is it?
Phoebe: (impatient) I know Mike, why don't you keep digging?
Mike: Is this cool, huh?
Mike: It's to my apartment.
Mike: Don't point your finger at me.
Phoebe: I'm... I'm just... I'm the worst person ever. How can I not tell David that I'm seeing Mike?
Mike: So... how many guys have your key?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. David is still there. Mike closes the door.]
Mike: Well, I might.
Mike: Did you uhm...