words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Monica: I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas.
Monica: It's so unfair, you don't even like your job!
Monica: It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week, but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do, I understand.
Monica: (shocked) You're not gonna be here New Year's Eve??
Monica: No!
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
[Flashback to 610 - TOW The Routine] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
Rachel: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
(Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.)
[Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo] [Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.]
Monica: Come on Ben.
(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
Monica: Yeah, is that okay?
Monica: No.
[Scene change back an forth: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.]
Monica: Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
Monica: So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard?
Monica: Wendy? -- That sounds like a girl's name.
Monica: Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about New Year's Eve. Where is everybody else?
Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?
Monica: What does she do there?
Monica: She did WHAT?
Monica: *What*??
Monica: Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
Monica: Okay.
Monica: Okay!
Monica: Merry Christmas.
[Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London] [Scene: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking]
Monica: Really?
Monica: Well, not anymore.
Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun.
Monica: Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Monica: Okay!
Monica: (breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird?
Monica: This doesn't feel weird!
Monica: You're a really good kisser.
Monica: Hm-hmm!
Monica: Wow! You are really fast!
Monica: We're gonna see each other naked.
Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time?
Monica: One!
Monica: Two!
Monica: Eh, we weren't that close anyway!
[Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets] [Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.]
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.
Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance.
[Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II] [Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Monica: I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
Monica: You're so efficient. I love you!
Monica: No-no-no, wait! We need something old!
Monica: That'll work!
Monica: Okay, now we just need something borrowed!
Monica: That's stealing!
Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.)
[Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Monica: Eh, you work for that.
Monica: You do?!
Monica: Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?
Monica: You thought about that?
Monica: How many kids were we gonna have?
Monica: What else did you think about?
Monica: (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding.
Monica: No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage.
Monica: Uh-hmm.
Monica: I love you. (They kiss.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone except Chandler is there; they're opening their presents]
Monica: "Wendy" is a fat girl name.
Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?
Monica: What are you doing here?
Chandler: Monica.
Monica: But I thought if you left, you get fired.
Monica: What?
Monica: Oh my god!
Monica: No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great!
(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
Chandler: (to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others)
(Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper.]
Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
Monica: Excuse me, Mrs. Burkart? Well, we're all cleaned up in the kitchen.
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monicas bed, what youre just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesnt and gets thrown up against the glass.]
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Monica: (also reading it) It doesn’t make any sense.
Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.
MONICA: I can't believe this, just like 2 weeks ago I was watching Sudden Death, now I'm on a date with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Can you beat up that guy? [he nods] Can you beat up that guy?
Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
Phoebe: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Monica: Its a humdinger!
Monica: Oh he's nice. He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog!
Monica: I am not high maintenance!
Monica:: maybe I will go (thinks) yea will have a second honeymoon at the Tulsa romana.
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Monica: I put three lasagnas in your freezer.
Monica: Well, she actually has a boyfriend yknow herself, named Clark. Uh, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too.
Monica: No its umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, Im gonna go guys.
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.)
Monica: Hey! Howd your date go with Jake?
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
Rachel: Chandler, arent you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again).
Monica: (Pulls Laura into the spare room) Why don't I show you the baby's room?
Rachel: Come on! Serious-ser-ser-seriously, what did she mean by that? (Mimicking Monica.) Especially you!
Monica: Good, so do it Saturday night because were going to dinner with her and Clark.
MONICA: Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.
Monica: Oh, well, I can move... (she moves back and forth the shower curtain rail, opening and closing the shower curtain with her hair as she goes)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are there.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.]
(Monica holds her hands out for a hug, but instead of hugging her, Amanda hangs her purse on one of Monica's extended arms.)
Monica: Well, I did one time, and-and I want to start doing it more. See thats what this is about.
Phoebe: (singing) Happy, happy Chanukah, Chandler and Monica. Very merry
Monica: You have scratches all over you, what happened? (Rachel's arms are covered with scratches.)
Monica: Okay! Wait-wait-wait! Shhh! (Bangs on her class with a spoon to make a toast.) Okay, umm, I just wanna say that I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night. (Chandler clears his throat.) Our special night. I mean it just wouldnt be myour-our night, if you all werent here to celebrate with meusDamnit!
Monica: Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. (Phoebe bursts out in a laugh)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are playing catch with a little foam globe.]
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
Monica:: do you know how many times I've seen him jump up like that, believe me I know what he was doing.
[Scene: Chandlers and Monicas apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.]
Chandler: It is the softest hair! Touch it! (Both he and Monica do so.)
Monica: Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. Thats great. So how-how are things going?
Mrs. Geller: We know how expensive weddings can be, besides this may be the only wedding we get to throw (patting Monica on the shoulder.).
Monica: I eat by myself in the alley because everybody hates me.
Phoebe: Wow! My breasts are really strong. (She goes and joins Monica.)
PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve.
Monica: You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. (being sat down) Ooh, uh, thanks. Wow, little tight, isn�t it? How d�you get a bigger table? You-you had a big table, but they made you move. Huh-huh, shut up Monica. Whoo, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
Chandler: Hi, listen, Im sorry about before. I dont need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldnt get girls, and now I can emNow, I have you. (Monica glares at him.) Not-not that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women
Monica: (quickly) Not it!
Monica: Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen knocking something down, but she continues to strip.)
Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two.... <starts to cry>
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Rachel: Monica, what did you mean before when you said you didnt want to talk to anyone, especially me?
Ross: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, we want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us the boit'sit's a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like, uh... like a week, so, uh, if you wanna reach me, y-you can't. So here's my itinerary (hands a sheet of paper to Monica). Um... here's a picture of me... (hands it to Monica)
Monica: Oh, my goodness, they've all gotten so big!
Monica: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids . (realises) All right, I get your point.
Chandler: (to Monica) No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now.
Monica: How bout just a boom?
Monica: I can't believe she's gonna say yes to David. She's clearly in love with Mike.
Monica: You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. Youre right, Im sorry.
Monica: Thats a good question. Look umm, last night we let the dice decide. Maybe we should leave it up to fate again. I love you!
Monica: Alright you two, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Now I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. Here's a few things you can discuss: mucus, fungus and the idea of me and Ross doing it.
Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
Joey: (Grunting) Hmm. (Monica opens the front door and comes in.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters to find Monica waiting patiently for him. He closes the door and they start kissing.]
Monica: Well, no. But, um, I bet she probably does.
Monica: Oh! Why didn't you tell me? I made him his own individual sweet potato stuffed pumpkin.
(Monica smiles then acts shocked. Chandler cant believe she just did that.)
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who are cute!
Monica: Wait a minute, are you doing Joey's (sadly) "Audition didn't go so well. (Happily) Yeah it did?"
Monica: (pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin me?!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Monica: Okay! But you cant rip it. Well, maybe a little.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
Rachel: (to Monica) Ok, ok, ok. How did this happen to me? How did this happen to me? A week ago, two weeks ago, I was fine. Ross was just Ross, just this guy. Now he's Rrrooossss, oh, this really great guy that I can't have.
[Scene: The Moondance diner, Monica is cleaning up with one of the waiters, with her back turned to him she removes her fake breasts and hides them under her wig.]
Monica: Phoebe! Come on! Lets go! (Knocks on her door.) Come on! (Phoebe enters with guitar and not ready to go.) Why arent you dressed yet?!
Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)
Monica: (running from the bathroom to her room, wearing only a towel) Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! (gets to her room and closes the door, as Rachel gets up to answer the door.)
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Monica: It was a project for one of the Home Ec classes.
Monica: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks?
Monica (reads a form in her lap): "Willing to adopt triplets?" No!
Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) the movie star.
Monica: No, I don't think it ever works. Why?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is complaining to Ross and Monica about the bucket.]
Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Monica: Of course! Joey wouldnt let you have one?
[Cut to inside Monica and Chandlers, Monica, Chandler and Joey are eating breakfast.]
Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! Its not like I choose to do it! Its not likeIts not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!"
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: I know. Lets try a look of far off wonderment. Okay, well-well gaze into our future and well think about our marriage and the days to come. (Chandler is still not getting it.) Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" (The photographer laughs.) Hey! Dont laugh at him! Hes my drowning moron!
Monica: Oh, some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.
(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)