words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone has just finished Thanksgiving dinner and are groaning over their fullness.]
Rachel: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.
Phoebe: Monica your remote doesn't work.
Monica: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
Monica: That's very nice.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Joey is talking about the wonder that is the thong.]
Monica: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Monica: Oh, let's not tell this story.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Phoebe is entering.]
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Monica: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey bastedOh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
Monica: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?
Monica: Well, get it off now!
Monica: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!
Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!
Monica: Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Monica: That's it. That's my worse Thanksgiving.
Monica: Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story.
Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
Monica: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!
Mrs. Geller: Monica! I think Rachel's here!
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
Fat Monica: Oh, why? Why? What happened?
Fat Monica: Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower.
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
Fat Monica: Ross! (Wanting to be introduced.)
Ross: Oh, this is Monica.
Fat Monica: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.
Fat Monica: Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Fat Monica: dammit! (Runs off.)
(Rachel wanders into the kitchen where Monica is making Chandler's dinner.)
Fat Monica: I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson.
Fat Monica: Call them mom and dad you loser!
Ross: (in a high pitched voice) Monica!
[Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]
Fat Monica: Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese?
Fat Monica: Okay!
Fat Monica: Oh that's so great!
Fat Monica: Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything.
Fat Monica: I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it!
(Monica enters behind them.)
(Monica suddenly gets very happy.)
(Upon hearing this, Monica starts to break down and storms out. Only to be stopped by her parents.)
Mrs. Geller: (holding two pies) Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge.
Fat Monica: No. No, thank you!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, back to the present day.]
Monica: Well, I do.
Monica: Yes, it was!
Monica: (interrupting her) Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!
Ross: So uh, where's Monica?
Mrs. Geller: She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.
(Monica enters, but she forgot something. Oh, about 150 pounds. In other words, she lost weight, big time!)
Monica: Hi, Chandler.
Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
Mrs. Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
Monica: So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.
Monica: Well it didn't!
Monica: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!
Monica: How?
Monica: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!
Monica: Yeah.
Monica: And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him!
Monica: Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have sex with him?
Monica: What do you mean?
Monica: (excited) I can do that!
Chandler: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.
Monica: Umm, I'd love too! (She goes over and picks up the box and decides to follow Rachel's advice and holds the box up to her cheek.) Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek.
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
Monica: What?! What is it?
Monica: God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it!
Monica: Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.]
Monica: I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.
Monica: I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe!
Monica: Chandler! (Follows him out.)
Monica: Chandler, I said I was sorry.
Monica: Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything?
(There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
Chandler: Look, Monica
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)
Monica: What?
Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
Monica: Yes, you did!
Monica: You love me!
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
Monica: Im just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching Joey pace nervously as Rachel enters.]
Monica: What have you heard me sing?
(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
Monica: Wait wait! I can't sing in front of all these people.
Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides yknow, nothing goes with Bing. So Im screwed. I mean (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, thats you. Youre our little Em. Oh whats that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's]
Monica: "To take you to his mansion in the sky-y?"
Monica: Oh, I still cant believe my dad saw us having sex! He didnt make it to one of piano recitals, but this he sees!
Ross: No, its not just cause Im jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a Come on look) I mean Im not, Im not, Im not jealous, okay? Its Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
Monica: Mom�s here? I wanted to have lunch with her today, she told me she was out of town.
MONICA: (smiling) I arranged some pillows on the bed to look like a guy.
Monica: What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come youre having a party and were not invited?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's]
Monica: All right, watch!
Monica: And they love me!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time has lapsed, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Monica: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You cant just go back a phase!
<Amy pushes Rachel and Monica goes berserk and runs around the table>
Monica: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here?
Monica: He's not great umm, but he's dealing with it. Oh wait a minute, you're not gonna try
Monica: I don't care. <pauses and realizes...> Oh my god. I've lost the will to scold.
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
Monica: Hey!
Monica: Oh my god.
Monica: Oh, it's perfect.
Monica: Sure, we'll do that. What are you up to?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, later that night, there is someone knocking on the door and Chandler stumbles out into the living room, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and opens the door.]
Monica: I thought I lost it. I got a new one, like, a month ago.
Monica: No, it's not.
Monica: Yeah.
(Monica looks at him.)
Monica: Okay.
Monica: Chandler!
Monica: So, let's do this.
Monica: We're okay. I'm still ovulating.
Monica: Canoodling?
Monica: I guess you're right.
[Scene: The Airport, Chandler and Monica are following the previous couple through a tiny hallway that proves this is a set on a sound stage and not an actual airport, and see them enter the first class lounge.]
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Monica: What are you doing?
Monica: She's asleep.
Monica: She's asleep. Chandler?
Monica (laughs): Okay, I'll try.
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, hes the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
Monica: Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
Monica: Yes, but we have to be fast.
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Monica: (Doesn't believe what she's hearing) Was your cabin pressurised?
Monica: Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.
Monica: Well, that was weird. You were loud, and I was fast.
Monica: Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.
Monica: Oh my god, where's Emma? Where's Emma?
Monica: Oh my god, then...
Rachel: Of course I packed! Monica relax! I just wanted to ask Phoebe her opinion on what I should wear tonight.
Monica (on phone): Hey, Rach, how's it going?
Monica: Hey, did you stop by here?
Monica: No, we weren't!
(Monica hangs up, and Rachel looks at her phone.)
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
Monica: Oh, thank god! Emma, there you are!
Monica: Unless what?
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
Ross: Hows Monica coming along with her vows?
MONICA: Yes, because all good plans start with, "I'll go down the fire escape."
Phoebe: (walking up) Whats up? (Rachel hands her the note and she reads it.) Tell Monica Im sorry. (Pause) Tell her yourself!
Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.
Monica: You say Thank you very much, and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, were gonna put are hands in this bowl, and were gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
Joey: Youre right. Youre right. I-Ill go tell her now before Ross finds out and Ill be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there (Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in) if you want to check that out.
Monica: Why not?
Monica: Wow! I Had no idea you had this much pride.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.]
Monica: Listen...I need to know that what I'm about to ask you, will never get back to Chandler.
Monica: Hey Joey!
Monica: But Chandler lent you money!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica enters.]
Monica: Yeah...
Joey & Monica: Hey!
Monica: Two thousand dollars?
Rachel: Monica...would you please tell Joey that he is a pig?
Monica: Is that a bit you guys do?
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Monica: You're a pig. And you can't do this.
Monica: I hear wedding bells.
Monica: We don't do that! Tell her we don't do that!
Monica: Don't you mean..groomy?
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.
Monica: I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.) Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell. (the girls hug)
Monica: Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, yknow, Ross or Chandler could beat you up?
Monica: Thank you?
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Monica: So you gave in and decided to call someone?
Monica: Okay...
Monica: Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?
Monica: (stopping him) Sit down! Were winning!