words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are making out on one of the chairs.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! None of that, not while you're living under my roof!
Ross: Oh, umm, I'm just getting rid of a couple of things.
Monica: (looking at the flyer) This is all of your things.
[Scene: The Storage Room in the basement of Monica and Rachel's building, Monica and Rachel are looking for something.]
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
(She starts to run out but is stopped by a figure looming out of the darkness carrying a pick axe.)
(They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.)
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Ross: Yes! Yes! I mean it's-it's kinda far from work, but uh, y'know, I'll get so much done on the commute. I-I've been given the gift of time!
Chandler: Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum.
Rachel: (proud of herself) Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass!
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
Rachel: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion!
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
Ross: No-no, this is my collection of fossil samples.
Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.)
Chandler: Kind of? If you just kept this to yourself none of this would've happened.
Danny: I had to cut my hair to get rid of the uh, fogger smell.
Joey: Look, we were way out of line, we totally support you.
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song!
Joey: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. (Makes like he's juggling.) Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
[Cut to the inside of the apartment.]
Monica: How can you tell? You can only see the back of his head!
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Ross: Wh-wh-what line? The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say uh, (In a college frat boy voice) "Dude, dont you ever was your face?"
Monica: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? (goes over to the kitchen to check on the dinner) No, cause I made lasagne. (to Rachel) Am I out of control?
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)
Ross: Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentines Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr� is not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.
Woman No. 1: Of course.
Monica: I don't know. I mean, I guess having sex in front of a baby isn't so...
Ross: (grabbing a notepad and sitting down) All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.)
Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?
Monica: (grabbing a bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips) Phoebe, is this the recipe? (Tosses her the bag.)
Mrs. Geller: (less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
Monica: That's because I'm in front of them.
Joey: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
Phoebe Sr: Ohh, well. Y'know we were always together, in fact the had a nickname for the three of us.
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, theyre both unpacked. The big ceramic dog has found a new home in front of the window. Joey screams and runs into the living room.]
Ms. McKenna: The numbers we are seeing New York, Chicago, and London are consistently solid, but many of our officers have reported disappointing fields.
Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! Theyre buying me drinks! Theyre giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight?
Phoebe: Its a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?
Monica: First of all um, I love you both so much and youre both so important to me
Chandler: This is okay. Were all adults here; theres nothing to be ashamed of. Now, lets put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. (They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned.)
Ross: (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look Ive known you both a long time, and Ive never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as youve been since youve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Ross: Whoa, whoa, but then the back of the couch won't line up with he back of the carpet.
WRITER: Makes up most of his lines. Son-of-a-. Yeah, well, write this jerkweed.
Rachel: What? What's what you were afraid of?
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!
Barry: Both of you?
Rachel: Oh well, hello. This is your lucky day Mr. Bowmont, the uh gentleman day sailer as just become available again and I believe that you made a bid of $18,000.
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Phoebe: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. (She goes and opens the door to Joey.) Oh, hi Joey!
Barry: (to Mindy) I swear, whatever I was doing, I was always thinking of you.
Joey: (sits down next to Ross) First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.
CHANDLER: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.
Joey: I-I think everybodys pretending they dont hear you. Anyway, look, I dont know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, Im telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Monica: Im fine! I just, Im thinking how much its an end of era.
Ross: Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)
Phoebe: Hello. Oh good. Ross could you put up some of these flyers for me? (He smiles at her.) OH!! Demon!! Demon!!
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
Rachel: Oh it... good! Yeah, but I'm not gonna hear from that for a couple of days.
Joey: Ohh, hey! Why dont you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas?
Chandler: Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself.
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Ross: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.'
[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]
Joey: And a couple of these little tiny boxes.
Mindy: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid of!
Ross: I gotta say, I have not had sex a lot of times before, this is the worst ever.
Ross: Joey, get out of the fridge.
(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
Monica: Alright, let me ask you this question: How many of you thought the music was fine, but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant? (a few raise their hands again).
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Monica: Because I need the money, and I thought that itd be a great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.
CHANDLER: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.
Ross: Oh, professor Clerk we're kind of in the middle of a conversation, here.
(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of wine for the cute doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in her wake.)
Monica: No kidding, out of towners huh? What did you tell em?
Rachel: (upset) Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think it's on all of them?
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
Ross (on the verge of tears): I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
Monica: Ok, well, what kind of ritual?
JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, dont worry about it!
(Monica takes of her walkman)
Rachel: Look Amy, it got a little of control..Um.. and I'm sorry. You're my sister and uh.. if it really means that much to you..
Chloe: (entering from bedroom) Hey, what kind of puppy do you think I should get?
(The rest of the group come into the picture.)
Phoebe: Wait! Oh wait! (she takes off a ring that was already on her left ring finger. After that Mike starts to kneel again, but then...) Oh no! (She was wearing rings on all her fingers and her thumb, and takes all of these off.)
(long moment of silence)
(Just as they're about to leave, Gunther comes out of the back carrying two garbage bags. Larry sees this and stops him.)
Chandler: (rushing in) Oh, good! Good! Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!
Phoebe: Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! Thatthis milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. (She takes a swig of it, but has to turn away from him as she makes a face to show that it has gone bad.) Okay, let's go!
Ross: (overhearing) What kind of research?
Rachel: Of course!
(Phoebe puts the picture of Ross up to her face.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Chandler is under one of the tables as Ross enters.]
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
Ross: Oh, okay, yknow what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage...
Ross: First of all, I'm not losing...
PHOEBE: I know it's kind of weird, but I mean, she was a big part of my life there, you know, and now I just feel kind of alone.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
Chandler: (not knowing the true meaning of her exclamation) I know, but just let me say it.
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.
Ross: No wait, okay, okay, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, okay? And you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
Joey: Uh, excuse me sir, there seems to be some sort of red crap on my cheesecake.
Paula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..