words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Chandler: Its Phoebe! Hi!
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.
Phoebe: Morly Safer.
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair!
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.
Phoebe: Rifts. Yeah, I know.
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah?
Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?
Phoebe: Well, I mean, Im not my sisters, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, its true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, weve grown apart, so, um... I dont know, why not? Okay.
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Phoebe: Yeah Im fine.
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)
(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and its me.
Phoebe: Much as you are.
Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, thats good.
Phoebe: Good choice.
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.)
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Wherere you going?
Phoebe: With?
Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question?
Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend theyre not there.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I cant, I cant watch.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.
Phoebe: But hes falling in love with her.
Phoebe: Okay... Okay.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Phoebe: Umm, well hes very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very sophisticated, and he doesnt speak any English, but according to his translator, he totally gets me.
PHOEBE: Wow, look at these prices.
Phoebe: Chuck Woolery?
RACHEL: But what about Phoebe?
Phoebe: And call me!
Frank: (entering with his fianc�e Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc�e, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)
PHOEBE: Yeah, ok. You probably did everything you could.
PHOEBE: Really?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fianc�e Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Phoebe: What else?
Phoebe: Hello handsome. (Sees Ursula over her shoulder) Oh God. (Walks away in shame as they kiss.) Oh look at you two. So when did you guys meet?
Phoebe: (just Phoebe) No, answer his.
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, so you know D?
Phoebe: Wait! Oh wait! (she takes off a ring that was already on her left ring finger. After that Mike starts to kneel again, but then...) Oh no! (She was wearing rings on all her fingers and her thumb, and takes all of these off.)
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebes face.)
Phoebe: Oh, I missed you so much! (she kisses Mike)
PHOEBE: (singing/screaming) You're all invited to bite me!
Phoebe: Ok, you guys, I don’t mean to make things worse, but umm, I don’t want to live with Rachel anymore.
PHOEBE: Oh, hi.
PHOEBE: Thank you.
PHOEBE: Really? From who?
PHOEBE: Yeah. Here you go.
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didnt feel like getting up. Okay, Im gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And youre going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
Phoebe: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!
PHOEBE: Better. Yeah.
PHOEBE: You wanna try it again?
PHOEBE: That's too much. Sorry.
Phoebe: Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know...
[Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah! I mean, I don't know. I was just , I was looking, I was looking in his eyes and I was just thinking: Oh my God! It's David. David's here. He's just, he's so irresistible.
Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!
Phoebe: Maybe you could be my roommate!
PHOEBE: Mmmm hmmm.
Phoebe: But ifno look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Phoebe: Okay, Im going to take him back to Wendys.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Joey enters.]
PHOEBE: Ok, do you know A minor?
Phoebe: Yeah, last Saturday. Wow! She was the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic. (Chandler and Monica look puzzled) Oh, wait a minute, I read the wrong one.
Monica: Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby!
Phoebe: Because its Arabian princess day at work! Okay?! Leave me alone!
Phoebe: All right, dont freak out! Okay? I-I will help you. How long before you have to leave?
Phoebe: Eeee!!! Eee!! Eee!!
Ross: (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry (He looks behind him then notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.)
Phoebe: A dollar?
Phoebe: Really? So she said, she didnt wanna live with me anymore?
Phoebe: I can say I told you so but shes kinda doing that for me.
Phoebe: Okay, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog!
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh, you so would! Oh, you should get that anyway. (They both look at her.) Like for clubbing.
Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
Phoebe: Come on. It doesn't taste bad.
Phoebe: Hmm, they just dont make em like that anymore!
Phoebe: Why don't you turn them inside ou...
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Phoebe: All right, Ill see you downstairs then.
Phoebe: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a good sign.
Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks theyre supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks its at seven.
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage and everything was fine until... (The flashback shows Paulo lying face down on the massage table and slowly moving his hands up Phoebe's legs and grabbing her butt.)
Phoebe: Well, nobody wants a ghost. But youve got one, because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Phoebe: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. (Mike is shocked) I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around.
Phoebe: Umm Wow, all right. (Checks the book.) Wow! Yay! Ooh, Im gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And hes gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night. (Points at Chandler.)
Phoebe: Look, she only suspects something okay? She doesnt know for sure, so just throw her off the track.
PHOEBE: Hey.
[Phoebe enters.]
GANG: Hey. Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: This is my father, this is a picture of my dad.
[Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.
PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um.
PHOEBE: Oh God.
Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no... It's not... it's not... i'ts not as bad as it looks... really. I was just saying goodbye to an old friend.
PHOEBE: Oh.
PHOEBE: [realizes] Oh.
PHOEBE: Hey.
Phoebe: Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just be alone yknow to think about my mom and her suicide.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I just don't buy it.
Joey: Hey! Well I hope it goes better than the last time you did it for that girl downstairs, remember? (Phoebe glares at him.)
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.
Phoebe: Thats it! 25 percent? That means thats its like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!
PHOEBE: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Oh come on, they can be in the same room.
PHOEBE: OK.
PHOEBE: Mailbox.
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
Phoebe: That man across the street just kicked that pigeon! (Rachel enters.) Oh!
PHOEBE: Yeah?
PHOEBE: You guuuyys.
Phoebe: W-wI justits thatI haveyknow I have-I have an appointment. And its very important.
GANG: Phoebs. [Phoebe leaves]
PHOEBE: Oh! Oh my god. This is so exciting. How much am I gonna get?
PHOEBE: Just from a, from a long time ago. Is he here?
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
[Phoebe and Rachel look uncomfortable.]
Phoebe: No, what's more important, your friends or money?
DUNCAN: I love you Phoebe. [they hug and kiss]