words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Phoebe: Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night?
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?
Phoebe: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman.
Phoebe: Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt!
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Phoebe: What?! I think hes cute.
Phoebe: Believe me Im trying.
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
Phoebe: Oh yeah. Thats me.
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Phoebe: David Lynn.
Phoebe: Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet?
Phoebe: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it Gunther?
Rachel: No! Phoebe, its not Gunther.
Phoebe: Thank God, cause that hair on a baby
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Phoebe: Why not?
Phoebe: Bus?
Rachel: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is!
Phoebe: Well-well but it is huge.
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: All right. (She sits down like shes pregnant again.)
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Phoebe: Hey lady, your days over! Its my turn!
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.)
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Phoebe: We dont know.
Phoebe: Who? Who is it?
Phoebe: Was that story over?
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
Phoebe: Really? Are you sure?
Rachel: Oh Phoebe!
Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Phoebe: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or poison? No? Just for me? Okay. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But yknow you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?
Tag: Yknow, Im actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasnt mature enough, but Ive really grown up and think we should get back together.
(Phoebe and Rachel enter.)
Phoebe: What?!!
Phoebe: No!!
Phoebe: I cant say that didnt hurt. But Ill take you back Joey Tribbiani.
Phoebe: Ooh! A Salami Buddy!
Phoebe: Wait you stole those from these peoples wedding?
(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)
Monica and Phoebe: Oh my God!!
Phoebe: m'ap
Phoebe: Okay, so maybe you dont get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Yknow? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, yknow? Or an engagement tiara? Orooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is walking up and notices a car that is parked half on the curb and right in front of the door, making it difficult for people to enter Central Perk.]
Phoebe: No thats what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!
Phoebe: Joey, I cant believe you would do that for me.
Phoebe: (excited)Hey you guys! Ok, you're not going to believe this! I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely gonna win the lottery tonight!
Phoebe: Three? You guys were worried I wouldnt even have one!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
Monica: (entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, cmere. I want to show you something in the bathroom.
Phoebe: Well, it felt French.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with Bonnie, as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Some guy bought it. Im sorry. I tired to stop it but they (points to the jeweler) put me in jail!
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: Hurry! Monicas gonna make you pack! Shes got jobs for everyone! Now, its too late for me, but save your selves! (The guys scramble for the door.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
Phoebe: Ohh, that's so nice! How great! Well, where? Where's the trip?!
Rachel: Phoebe, woo!
Joey: Phoebe!
Phoebe: (singing) Crazy underwear, creepin up my butt. (Jason enters) Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under-(sees Jason)-wear (In her head) Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. Youll get through this; youll be fine. (She tries to continue the song, but she has lost the ability to pronounce words, and the lyrics come out as gibberish.) (giving up on the song) Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show.
Phoebe: (excited) Central (not so excited) Park!
Phoebe: Oh, look at little Leslie stretching in her sleep.
Phoebe: Hey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Rosss wedding?
PHOEBE: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?
Phoebe: Oh no. Did umm, did she say why?
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and...
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not bad.
Phoebe: Oh my God, she's so stupid!
Phoebe: Yeah, I do. Whats the matter?
Phoebe: Okay, see, see, everyone else is happy shes done.
Phoebe: Hey.
Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him?
Monica: (gasps) Totally familiar. (Phoebe shows the rest of them.)
PHOEBE: Oh, thanks. I couldn't uh...
Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade?
Phoebe: They are. Why?
Phoebe: Happy birthday!
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Phoebe: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know!
Phoebe: You're right.
Phoebe: So you still hadn't heard from Emily?
Phoebe: Oh, just ask him!
(There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.)
Phoebe: Great! It worked! No ones sad.
Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) So did you ask him?
Phoebe: Hi!
Monica: (To Phoebe) How are you doing?
Phoebe: Yeah, that does make sense. Ok, now, would... would you two (points to Ross and Chandler) like that?
Phoebe: What is that?
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if hes married? (Rachel looks at her.) No, yeah, I should.
Phoebe: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank.
(Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.)
Phoebe: Great! Yeah, could you bring me the newspaper?
Phoebe: Which one do you have?
Phoebe: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know
Phoebe: Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. (Grabs a drink and notices that the two men are upset) Not you guys. You got it going on!
RACHEL: Run Phoebe run.
Phoebe: I know.
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
Phoebe: Works on you.
Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!
Phoebe: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd.
Phoebe: Ugh, what's right with them?
Phoebe: Ugh, PBS!
Phoebe: Yeah. So?
Phoebe: What-what are you talking about?!
PHOEBE: Ok, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: (to her date) Okay, and then this is the coffee house. This is where I play my music. (points to the stage)
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: I'm having my first contraction!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Of course not! And you're gonna love Mary Ellen. She's really smart and cute and funny, and I can't tell you how I know this, but she' not opposed to threesomes. So tell me some about my guy.
Phoebe: Yeah! As long as it's free! Food here is ridiculously over-p...
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.
Phoebe: No way! No way! You just broke with Tag a week ago.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Hey, arent you up next?
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi Joey.
Phoebe: All right, the seven of us miss you.
Mike: Oh, thank God. (he laughs nervously, and Phoebe gets her keychain from her bag.)
Phoebe: It's, yes, my little black book. It's got the numbers of all the guys I've dated.
Phoebe: Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth. (Joey, with an obvious mouth full, nods yes.)
Phoebe: Come on, play that funky music white boy.
Phoebe: Yeah that's better than my way.
[Rachel and Phoebe enter]
Phoebe: (leaving) Fine, fine! You would not hold up well under torture!
Phoebe: Yeah, by Sandrine.
Phoebe: (seeing her) Get out of here you lurker! (She doesn't move) Go on! Get! (She throws a quarter at her.)
Phoebe: You guys kissed!!!!! What does this mean?!! Are you, are you getting back together?! Can I sing at your wedding?
Phoebe: Oh sure! (She goes to take her feet off, but drags the sheet with her which spills the wine.) Noo!