words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Phoebe: Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night?
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?
Phoebe: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman.
Phoebe: Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt!
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Phoebe: What?! I think hes cute.
Phoebe: Believe me Im trying.
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
Phoebe: Oh yeah. Thats me.
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Phoebe: David Lynn.
Phoebe: Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet?
Phoebe: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it Gunther?
Rachel: No! Phoebe, its not Gunther.
Phoebe: Thank God, cause that hair on a baby
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Phoebe: Why not?
Phoebe: Bus?
Rachel: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is!
Phoebe: Well-well but it is huge.
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: All right. (She sits down like shes pregnant again.)
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Phoebe: Hey lady, your days over! Its my turn!
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.)
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Phoebe: We dont know.
Phoebe: Who? Who is it?
Phoebe: Was that story over?
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
Phoebe: Really? Are you sure?
Rachel: Oh Phoebe!
Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Phoebe: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or poison? No? Just for me? Okay. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But yknow you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?
Tag: Yknow, Im actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasnt mature enough, but Ive really grown up and think we should get back together.
(Phoebe and Rachel enter.)
Phoebe: What?!!
Phoebe: No!!
Phoebe: I cant say that didnt hurt. But Ill take you back Joey Tribbiani.
Phoebe: Ooh! A Salami Buddy!
Phoebe: Wait you stole those from these peoples wedding?
(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)
Monica and Phoebe: Oh my God!!
Phoebe: Well, I heard youre having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boys name is Stings son.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are sitting and talking as Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Phoebe: So, what did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her?
Phoebe: What do you mean, comforted her?
Phoebe: For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience.
Phoebe: Well lets just hope it works. Yknow nine out of ten marriages end in divorce?
Phoebe: Yeah, Professor and Mrs.
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, yknow you and Ross are still married.
Phoebe: Just kidding!
Phoebe: Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug!
Rachel: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: All right, well, I just can't think about that right now. I just wanna say good-bye to my Grandma.
Phoebe: Thats all right, thats well, I figured.... (they start to leave as Joey enters.)
Phoebe: Wow! I didn't see that coming! You're-you're asking me out!
Phoebe: (To Ross) Saved your ass.
Phoebe: Hi.
Phoebe: Well, you know that psychic I see?
Monica: Phoebe thats crazy!
[Scene: Phoebes cab, Phoebe and Joey are driving back. Phoebe is driving while Joey is sleeping.]
Phoebe: Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!
Phoebe: Im just saying, this woman, I mean shes fictitious. No?
Phoebe: (to Bonnie) Well I hope you have fun tonight.
Phoebe: Ohh! (She moves.) Oh my. Oh, that reminds me, I have to see my OB-GYN today.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is sitting in the living room and Phoebe is standing in the kitchen as the phone rings.]
Phoebe: No-No! You need your sleep. Night-night! Shh! (She closes the partition.)
Rachel: Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress?
Phoebe: Hey!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: Wow! I didnt know you guys actually used those.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Phoebe: You cant give up on your dream.
Phoebe: Really? It doesn't have anything coming out of it. Or maybe there is some place for her in your bedroom?
PHOEBE: You guys. I'm sorry about your shopping.
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
(Phoebe enters.)
PHOEBE: Ok, this is the most romantic disease I've ever had.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Phoebe: Whats going on?
Phoebe: Hey! Maybe youll die!
Phoebe: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Phoebe: Oh, howd that happen?
Phoebe: Thats short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Oh yes. Yes. Yeahno. She did. She left you umm, (looking in her purse) this lipstick.
Phoebe: Bamn! There you go! Huh?
Phoebe: Then Im gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.)
Phoebe: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that before.
[Scene: Outside Room 816, Joey is briefing Phoebe on Cliff.]
Phoebe: Yeah, come to papa.
Phoebe: Yeah, but they didn't ask me! Y'know? This way I'm just y'know, the exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be.
Phoebe: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin...
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver
Joey: Oh, thats, uh, thats Phoebes friends dog. I dont know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella.
[Cut to the hallway, Phoebe is outside getting some last minute instructions from Rachel.]
Ross: Phoebe, I told her you already knew.
Phoebe: Well, maybe you wouldnt have had you (turns to the attendant) run in the chapel!
Phoebe: Yeah!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.]
Phoebe: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries...
Phoebe: Well, if you're having a hard time, you should talk to my friends, Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot dog vendor.]
Phoebe: Hey!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, and Joey are there.]
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: Oh, I can still do that.
Phoebe: How did that happen?!!
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Phoebe: Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, Monica is telling Phoebe where everything is.]
Phoebe: Im pretty sure its gun.
Phoebe: What?! What-what-what-what-what?!!
Phoebe: Were just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.
Phoebe: I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!
Phoebe: Well, if you don't... if you don't hold it in, you don't get all the nutrients.
Phoebe: I know, the babies are asleep.
Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Phoebe: (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!
Phoebe: What? Wha-wha-wha-did you do ROSS!
PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)
Ross: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Phoebe: So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment?
Phoebe: And also, my birthday.
Phoebe: Well, I think that shirt makes you look like you should work at a Baskin Robbins... Anyway... Hey, isn't Joey's agent Estelle Leonard?
Phoebe: Well, what youre wearing is fine for that.
Phoebe: Thats right.
Phoebe: I have plans.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Not yet, no. (Drops his hand and moves back.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah, I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield from a Foot Locker.
Phoebe: Come on, theres gotta be something.
Phoebe: Um, that's ok! (throws it in fire) Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
(She sits back defeated, and Phoebe groans with disgust.)
Phoebe: Very good handshake, good wrist action.
Phoebe: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
Phoebe: Hey! I call her!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe is already there waiting for the delievery guy.]