words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Phoebe: Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night?
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?
Phoebe: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman.
Phoebe: Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt!
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Phoebe: What?! I think hes cute.
Phoebe: Believe me Im trying.
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
Phoebe: Oh yeah. Thats me.
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Phoebe: David Lynn.
Phoebe: Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet?
Phoebe: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it Gunther?
Rachel: No! Phoebe, its not Gunther.
Phoebe: Thank God, cause that hair on a baby
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Phoebe: Why not?
Phoebe: Bus?
Rachel: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is!
Phoebe: Well-well but it is huge.
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: All right. (She sits down like shes pregnant again.)
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Phoebe: Hey lady, your days over! Its my turn!
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.)
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Phoebe: We dont know.
Phoebe: Who? Who is it?
Phoebe: Was that story over?
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
Phoebe: Really? Are you sure?
Rachel: Oh Phoebe!
Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Phoebe: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or poison? No? Just for me? Okay. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But yknow you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?
Tag: Yknow, Im actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasnt mature enough, but Ive really grown up and think we should get back together.
(Phoebe and Rachel enter.)
Phoebe: What?!!
Phoebe: No!!
Phoebe: I cant say that didnt hurt. But Ill take you back Joey Tribbiani.
Phoebe: Ooh! A Salami Buddy!
Phoebe: Wait you stole those from these peoples wedding?
(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)
Monica and Phoebe: Oh my God!!
Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?
[Scene: Monica's apartment. The stripper is sitting at the kitchen table. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are standing around him]
Phoebe: Rachel Green? (angrily) Son of a bitch, she came back?
Phoebe: Yeah Im fine.
Phoebe: (angrily) Bye-bye! (to Ross) Thats why I moved out.
Phoebe: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, yknow. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. (to Monica) Can I have a tissue, please?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Monica are there.]
Rachel: Phoebe, we cant, we just cant just let it happen! Okay, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Okay? Just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!!
Phoebe: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means that, youre not over Ross yet and you have issues with your father.
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: Much as you are.
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
Phoebe: Good choice.
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.)
[Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him.]
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I know he's there, so, that's enough for now.
[Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Monica is lying on the massage table waiting for Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well umm, okay we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again.
Mike: I'm gonna go. (He kisses Phoebe on the cheek)
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
Phoebe: You are just like Jack.
Phoebe: See, there you go, the cleansing works!
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]
Phoebe: Okay, remember that little problem I was having during my fourth month of pregnancy?
Phoebe: Wherere you going?
Phoebe: With?
Phoebe: I know! I guess I am! Oh my god! Load up the Volvo I want to be a soccer mom!
Phoebe: Okay.
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.
Phoebe: Okay... Okay.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.
[Scene: Ursula's apartment, Phoebe is about to break the bad news to her sister. She knocks on the door.]
Phoebe: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
Phoebe: Well, maybe 25-26.
Monica: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
JOEY: Phoebe here with the cab yet?
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
Phoebe: There you go.
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those....pants.
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing.]
Phoebe: You guys, there are people in there who are not getting any happier!
Phoebe: Wait here. Breathe.
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Phoebe: Oh, no, I meant that its weird that you only have nine now.
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.
Phoebe: Okay, I didnt understand that, but yknow, maybe thats cause you were speaking the secret language of love!
Phoebe: Umm, hey Rach, can I ask you something?
Phoebe: Thank you! God, no! You should see me when... Oh actually, no, I look pretty good.
Chandler: And your friend Phoebe?
Phoebe: Will he know what this is in reference to? (Listens) And he has your number? (Listens) All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.
Phoebe: Sure! Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami.
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Phoebe: Hey, what's going on?
Phoebe and Rachel: Allisons birthday party.
Phoebe: I have liver damage. Ow! Oh! (She grabs the left side of her torso.)
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Phoebe: Ross says hi.
Rachel: HuhWait so Joey if you get this, youre gonna be like the star of your own TV show! I mean youll be like the Big Cheese! (To Phoebe) Or the Big MacHey! You love those!
Phoebe: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now?
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup.
Phoebe: Shes just so cute! I just wanna bite her ear off and use it and a sucking candy.
Phoebe: Trouble?
Phoebe: Ross, youre tired. Youve been looking all night. And clearly you suck at this.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is talking to Phoebe about trying to give Joey some money.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: So.
Phoebe: All right. Bye bye.
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
Phoebe: Right, like the kind you...
Phoebe: Does he know?
Phoebe: You got me.
Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
Phoebe: I can't believe you did this.
PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
Phoebe: No, Joey.
Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him?
Phoebe: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?
Phoebe: Yeah, you too.
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there]
Phoebe: See? And you don't care if people are staring, it's just for a second cause then you're gone!
Phoebe: Oh look! That guy's peeing!
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
(Phoebe is almost thrown by this.)
Phoebe: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.
Phoebe: Really?
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]