words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Phoebe: Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night?
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?
Phoebe: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman.
Phoebe: Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt!
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Phoebe: What?! I think hes cute.
Phoebe: Believe me Im trying.
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
Phoebe: Oh yeah. Thats me.
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Phoebe: David Lynn.
Phoebe: Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet?
Phoebe: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it Gunther?
Rachel: No! Phoebe, its not Gunther.
Phoebe: Thank God, cause that hair on a baby
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Phoebe: Why not?
Phoebe: Bus?
Rachel: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is!
Phoebe: Well-well but it is huge.
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: All right. (She sits down like shes pregnant again.)
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Phoebe: Hey lady, your days over! Its my turn!
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.)
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Phoebe: We dont know.
Phoebe: Who? Who is it?
Phoebe: Was that story over?
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
Phoebe: Really? Are you sure?
Rachel: Oh Phoebe!
Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Phoebe: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or poison? No? Just for me? Okay. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But yknow you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?
Tag: Yknow, Im actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasnt mature enough, but Ive really grown up and think we should get back together.
(Phoebe and Rachel enter.)
Phoebe: What?!!
Phoebe: No!!
Phoebe: I cant say that didnt hurt. But Ill take you back Joey Tribbiani.
Phoebe: Ooh! A Salami Buddy!
Phoebe: Wait you stole those from these peoples wedding?
(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)
Monica and Phoebe: Oh my God!!
Phoebe: Yep!
Phoebe: You ok?
French Phoebe: Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! (A shell explodes outside next to the tent and when the smoke clears, Phoebe still has her arm.) Whew! (Her arm falls off and starts pumping out blood.) This is getting ridiculous uh!
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
Phoebe: Oops!
Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!
Phoebe: Good God man dont anger it.
Phoebe: Isn't he great?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is signing the divorce papers.]
Phoebe: Tell him, tell him.
[Scene: A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.]
Phoebe: Well, I think you're gonna appreciate it the crap out of this one (she gives him a check)
Phoebe: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.
Phoebe: Well, I'm no longer Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Phoebe: (Intercom) It's Phoebe.
Phoebe: Isn't he good?
Phoebe Sr: Well, because youd be giving up a baby, and I-I really dontI dont know if theres anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the couch.)
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Phoebe: Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think?
Phoebe: Yeah, but then I can be you sidekick Vunda.
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She runs up and takes the binoculars.)
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: So what's going on?
Phoebe: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Nothing, nothing.
Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]
Phoebe: (entering carrying a case) Ooh, good, youre hear! Okay.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: Yeah, right.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her guitar.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is drilling Joey on the chords as Monica looks on.]
Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's going on?
Phoebe: Because you'll date her once, sleep with her and then forget she exists!
PHOEBE: [a little dog starts attacking her leg] Hey, hey, no, oh oh.
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, well get us some Mai Thais, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
Monica: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister... (The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
(Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
Phoebe: And! And, theyre gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
Phoebe: (turning from Ross.) No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton!
Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, its gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
Phoebe: Oh, well, dont tell me you want to keep more of your stuff in my uterus.
Monica: Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. (Phoebe bursts out in a laugh)
Phoebe: Yeah, ok. I guess you're right. Allright, so we should just give them away. But to nice families, with children, and reduced fat wheat thins. They're Bob's favorites.
Phoebe: Pumpkin? Yeah. But did he ever call you like, Budolph?
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
Phoebe: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. (to Monica) What's my number?
Phoebe: Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes?
(Joey now enters the room through the door, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe are following him.)
Rachel and Phoebe: Eww!
Phoebe: Okay, you can totally say no, but umm, would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date?
Rachel: (Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!
Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.
Jack: Uh, Phoebe you-you dont have an office.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons?! Oh my God!
Phoebe: Was it really that bad?
Phoebe: Why wont you let me massage you?
Phoebe: Well yeah, I lied before.
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts to spin) Ooh, y'know we could just do this. (She stops at Chandler)
Monica: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebes old massage place is getting fired.
Phoebe: Well hey, its just a backup.
[Scene: The Wake, at the Gellers' house. Ross is lying on his back, with Phoebe squatting over him, checking to see if he's injured.]
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty.
Monica: (taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um... hi there.
Phoebe: (to Monica's tapping) Yeah, yeah!
(Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him)
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.
Rachel: Oh..Go..Oh..and I told my boss that someone made out with Ralph Lauren. If she finds out that I lied to her, she is going to hate me even more. Phoebe!!
Phoebe: Its hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.
Phoebe: Oh well, what do you know, there goes my identical twin sister. Just walkin' along looking like me. What, is this just like a freakish coincidence, or did you know she takes this train?
Phoebe: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?
Phoebe: That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is holding a book as she, Rachel, and Monica drink some tea as Chandler looks on.]
Phoebe: Thats good, you should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just you did it with the wrong person. (He looks at her.) What?
Phoebe: As a matter of fact she said that's how I am going to die. (pause ) So, excuse me for being a little skittish.
Phoebe: What... I could, I could do it. What is it?
Phoebe: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there, Rachel is serving brownies.]
Phoebe: (sitting) OK.
Phoebe: Oh! You have a window!
Phoebe: Alright, whadyou do with him?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Phoebe: (looking through the pizzas) Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Phoebe: Ok, yeah, ok. (she throws the directions in) Oh, OK.
Phoebe: How's this? (presses down hard)
Phoebe: Sorry. How about over here? (presses down hard again)
Chandler: Its Phoebe! Hi!
Monica: What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come youre having a party and were not invited?
Phoebe: I could do that.
Phoebe: Oh, this is it. This whats gonna kill me.
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Phoebe: Damn you Monica Geller hyphen Bing!
Joey: Ah, Im-Im walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) Im about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey." And now Im at the front with Ross. Its Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...Id better go.