words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Phoebe: Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night?
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?
Phoebe: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman.
Phoebe: Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt!
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Phoebe: What?! I think hes cute.
Phoebe: Believe me Im trying.
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
Phoebe: Oh yeah. Thats me.
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Phoebe: David Lynn.
Phoebe: Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet?
Phoebe: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it Gunther?
Rachel: No! Phoebe, its not Gunther.
Phoebe: Thank God, cause that hair on a baby
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Phoebe: Why not?
Phoebe: Bus?
Rachel: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is!
Phoebe: Well-well but it is huge.
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: All right. (She sits down like shes pregnant again.)
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Phoebe: Hey lady, your days over! Its my turn!
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.)
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Phoebe: We dont know.
Phoebe: Who? Who is it?
Phoebe: Was that story over?
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
Phoebe: Really? Are you sure?
Rachel: Oh Phoebe!
Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Phoebe: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or poison? No? Just for me? Okay. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But yknow you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?
Tag: Yknow, Im actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasnt mature enough, but Ive really grown up and think we should get back together.
(Phoebe and Rachel enter.)
Phoebe: What?!!
Phoebe: No!!
Phoebe: I cant say that didnt hurt. But Ill take you back Joey Tribbiani.
Phoebe: Ooh! A Salami Buddy!
Phoebe: Wait you stole those from these peoples wedding?
(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)
Monica and Phoebe: Oh my God!!
Phoebe: Oh! I sous stand.
Phoebe: Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring? Yknow Ross doctors are supposed to be smart.
Phoebe: Oh good! (And theres general excitement.)
Phoebe: Okay, Im gonna go get Frank. (exits)
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: Really?
Phoebe: Now wasnt Joey hitting on her at the wedding too?
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay. Umm, yknow, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight at my old apartment so, you could come. Maybe I could meet the guy youre marrying.
Phoebe: Wait a second! So, whats new with you?
Phoebe: (looks down) No. But thanks. (Walks away.)
Phoebe: No, its me. Phoebe!
Phoebe: (To Chandler) That is so you!
Phoebe: No wonder your pregnant.
Phoebe: Because Im dumping him today.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh-oh no she doesnt! I know what that is. You can stay.
Phoebe: Ursulas fianc�e?
Phoebe: I cant believe he taped the two of them having sex!
Phoebe: I love the second grade!
Phoebe: Thank you.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Oh my God, Phoebe!
Phoebe: Oh, okay... good. You do that. And then when you get home, maybe there'll be a special delivery package waiting for you.
Phoebe: Oh really?
Phoebe: Two weeks? Thats it?
[Cut to Phoebe and Eric.]
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl.
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Phoebe: Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... (They kiss 2 on each cheek... and then they pause... David turns to the door) In New York... it's... (and then David grabs her by her neck and kisses her full on the lips... They kiss passionately and cannot seem to stop.)
Phoebe: But theyre not!
Phoebe: Why are you lying to him?
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Eric: (To Phoebe) Well, it was nice meeting you.
Phoebe: Yeah, I Well yknow I-I mean I missed the-the semi-finals, so Id just be lost.
Phoebe: Hmm?
Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh God!
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: Sure it does. Yeah, yeah.
Phoebe: Okay I cant let you do this! Shes lying to you.
(Ross laughs and Phoebe points harder.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you should. (They shake hands.)
Phoebe: No. Youre not, youre not stupid.
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursulas purse and he walks away.)
Phoebe: Well Im sorry, I thought you said it was okay.
Phoebe: Why are you looking at me like that?
Phoebe: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound?
Phoebe: I'll find Bob, I'll get him. Bob? (starts looking) Bob! Robert! (looks at cabinet under sink) Oh wait, I think I hear him. Oh - Oh my god! Bob had babies! Bob's a mom!
Phoebe: Wow! What an incredible violationand wonderful surprise.
Phoebe: No! Wait! I was just saying that so youd think I was a good person. Fight for me.
Phoebe: Shhh! Im talking.
Phoebe: Oh you did? (To Rachel) He did it! He did it!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Phoebe: So long! Dont let the best door in the world hit you in the ass on your way out! (He exits and she slams the door behind him.)
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry about the dog, everything. I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.
Phoebe: Oh! We could have done that.
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: Yeah. (Covers her face with her hand.) Yeah.
Phoebe: Maybe this is too weird.
Phoebe: Well at least all my songs don't taste like garlic. Yeah, there are other ingredients Monica.
Phoebe: No, I know what a silent is I meant, whats going on with your hair?
Phoebe: It's ok. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember and doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.
Phoebe: Someday I'll, tell you about the time I stabbed the cop.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch as Joey and Ross enter.]
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Didn't I just throw you out of here?
Phoebe: Really? Thats the thing Im worse at! Youll see. (Exits.)
Phoebe: Hi liar!
[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
Phoebe: I can hear traffic and birds! I can hear the voices in my head again! (Monica looks at her strangely) Im kidding. (She smiles wickedly.)
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: What sex?
Phoebe: You-you you had sex with Ursula?!
Phoebe: We didnt have sex.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah, so do you.
Phoebe: So I guess this is it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Oh. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ugh! Yknow what? This is too weird.
Phoebe: (nasally) Greg and Jenny?
Monica: (Gets up) Okay, okay. You two (to Phoebe and Rachel) go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
Phoebe: No, its New York magazine. Its an article about the best schools in the city. So how well do you know Sting?
Phoebe: Okay so, well just come up with some kind of signal if its going well you can take off.
Phoebe: Huh?
Phoebe: Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin
Phoebe: Oh. Why not?
Phoebe: Sure. Yeah, hes kinda sexy.
Rachel: No Phoebe! I just need you there for support. I havent told him Im pregnant yet.
Phoebe: Wow! Oh well, I will be there!
Phoebe: Oh my God!!! Monica!! Hes the stripper from your bachelorette party!!
Phoebe: Oh, I-I dont eat meat.
Phoebe: Yeah, I dont eat that either.
Phoebe: Rachel!
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
Rachel: Phoebe!
Phoebe: No look, weve apologized twice! I cant do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it.
Phoebe: Hes right though, the 74 is absolute piss.