words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
PHOEBE: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
PHOEBE: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.
[Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey.
GANG: Hey. Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. [sees Ross's picture frame] Oh my God, where did you get this?
PHOEBE: This is my father, this is a picture of my dad.
PHOEBE: No it isn't, this is my dad, alright, I'll show you.
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.
PHOEBE: [showing her pictures] OK, look, see, this is him. My mother gave me this picture before she died, same guy.
PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk to my grandmother. [turns to leave]
GANG: Phoebs. [Phoebe leaves]
JOEY: Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!
[Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hi Gram. Whatcha doin'?
PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?
PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um.
PHOEBE: OK, is this really my father?
PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.
PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.
PHOEBE: Oh God.
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
PHOEBE: OK, that makes no sense. Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?
PHOEBE: [realizes] Oh.
PHOEBE: Oh.
ROSS: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me. RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . . ROSS: C'mon Rachel. RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair. ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said. RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair] [Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone] PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up] [Phoebe's grandmother enters] GRANDMOTHER: Hey. PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name. GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going? PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math. GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin. PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know. GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived. PHOEBE: Whattaya mean? GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab. PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you. GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab. PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of Einstein]
[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
JOEY: Phoebe here with the cab yet?
[Phoebe drives up in the cab]
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
PHOEBE: Hey.
PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
PHOEBE: OK, let's go.
PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. [hands Chandler a piece of paper]
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet.
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
JOEY: Hey. [Phoebe takes off, Joey and Chandler are thrown back in the seat]
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. I'm goin' in.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. . . here I go. . . I'm goin'. [she just sits in the cab]
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is running back to the cab.]
PHOEBE: OK.
PHOEBE: Mailbox.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of stuff, ya know. It's like, yesterday, ya know, my dad was this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya know, now he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.
PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
PHOEBE: Yeah?
PHOEBE: You guys. I'm sorry about your shopping.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.
PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I know he's there, so, that's enough for now.
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]
PHOEBE: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
PHOEBE: You guuuyys.
Phoebe: Oh! Okay! Yeah, thats okay. (To Patrick) Have a seat. (Sits Patrick down next to Rachel.)
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
(And with that, an era ends as Chandler moves in with Monica as Rachel moves in with Phoebe. It tis a sad and happy time for Friends.)
Phoebe: Rachel?
Phoebe: Are you kidding?
Phoebe: Oh, God!
Phoebe: Oh God no, I don't wanna see him take his clothes off!
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Phoebe: I gotta call him. Just to talk to him, there's no harm in that.
Phoebe: Three hundred dollars, are you kidding?
Phoebe: This is how I look when I'm turned on!
Phoebe: Shocking!
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe comes up the stairs and hears drumming coming from Joey and Rachel's, so she enters smiling and then sees that Rachel, not Joey, is the one playing.]
Monica: (walks towards Phoebe and the stripper) Uh, look, officer... uhm Sir...
Phoebe: I don't care. We're not paying you 300 dollars for this.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, did you say all man or old man?
Phoebe: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
Phoebe: Yes. We're here to make a rather sizeable donation to the children.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Phoebe are sitting ignoring each other. Rachel walks up with two pieces of cake.]
Phoebe: A real man wouldnt just run to the hospital! (They dont stop.) No! What would, what would Krog do? (They ignore her and Phoebe is left alone.)
Monica: Phoebe, it's not what you wear. It's sort of your songs... I just don't think you should play at the restaurant anymore.
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Monica: You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How can I lose you? (Phoebe looks very flattered) Now, I don't actually have a ring...
Phoebe: You know, it's fine. We'll pay you.
Rachel: (to Phoebe) Really?
Phoebe: Wow! Five-month maternity leave, you're back for four days, kiss a co-worker, call in sick, they are lucky to have you!!
Phoebe: There you go. Okay, do you think you're gonna be okay?
Phoebe: Your last dance. Do it for us.
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, don't stop!
Phoebe: Hold it! (Grabs the badge) N.Y.P.D! Freeze punk!
Phoebe: And to knowing that your career doesn't mean everything. (Rachel mouths "aah")
Monica: She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
Phoebe: Like a date type (looks at Rachel) person?
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
(Monica sets the soup down and Phoebe picks it up and licks the rim.)
Phoebe: Oh, hey Joey.
Phoebe: So... what do you say?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: Well, I don't care, so you pick!
Phoebe: Ok.
Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ok. What time is that.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: She did? Why?
Phoebe: Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us?
Phoebe: So Rach.
Phoebe: Rehearse it!
Ross: Hi! (he kisses Phoebe)
Phoebe: Where is Emma?
Phoebe: What's up?
Phoebe: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.
Phoebe: Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine.
[Scene: The Funeral Home, continued from earlier. Phoebe is returning after looking for her father.]
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
(Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the ladies room and they run toward her.)
Phoebe: I decided to pee.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, its a dream sequence, this isnt cable.]
Jason: (to Phoebe) I-I cant believe this! You-youve slept with him?!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
Phoebe: Listen to this! My reading was wrong, Im not going die!
Phoebe: That’s it? That’s why you won’t go out with her again? So, she took some fries, big deal!
Phoebe: Oh, happy my wedding day to you!
Phoebe: I’m sorry, I can’t believe I set you up with such a MONSTER!
Phoebe: You won awards?
Phoebe: Wow, this is a lot!
Phoebe: Right there! That's why I'm marrying you!
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Oh my God, what's it doing here?
Phoebe: (to Monica) Help me.
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
Phoebe: (Nearly in tears) Please?
Phoebe: I want you to be Crazy Bitch again.
Phoebe: More than I wanna get married.
Phoebe: I know.
Phoebe: (sounds scared already) About what?
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Okay, okay, but Rachels gonna be here too, cant I just ask her this stuff?
Phoebe: (Turning to Mike) What do you think?
Phoebe: Me too! (turning to Monica) Monica, do you think we could do it?
(Monica leaves and Phoebe closes the door behind her and tries to lock it.)
Phoebe: Oh, thank you.
Phoebe: I love you guys.
Phoebe: All right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun! (She starts out the door.)
Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh... Oh my God! This is really happening.
Phoebe: Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, were making out. You know.
Phoebe: Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly its my book to the rescue, huh? (Reading her book) Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh no. Wait.
Joey: I promise. And that means, never having to give a reason. (Phoebe stops herself from laughing and leaves)
Phoebe: (nervously) Okay.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Phoebe: Na-ah.
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Joey: (whispering to Phoebe) Okay...
Phoebe: I do.
(Phoebe and Mike kiss)
Phoebe: No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.
Phoebe: Hi