words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone except Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a magazine.]
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: So, Im in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle, and guess who the clue is for three down. (She hands the magazine to Joey.)
Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your names gonna be in this?
Rachel: Oh, come on Joey! You will totally keep it in check this time, and plus yknow the publicity would be really good for your career! And you deserve that! And if you do the interview you can mention, oh I dont know, gal pal Rachel Green?
Rachel: Okay, dont listen to him. Please?
Rachel: Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. (Excited) Ha-ha! Im gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. (Looks at Joey.) Seriously, proud of you.
Rachel: Oh yeah, Id actually love a blueberry muffin and a chamomile tea.
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
[The next one is from Episode 609: The One Where Ross Got High, Rachel is describing her desert to Joey and Ross.]
Rachel: Its a trifle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch. [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef saut�ed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
[Time lapse, Ross and Joey are eating Rachels disaster.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
Rachel: Hey, come on now!
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Rachel: (scoffs at him) Yeah, thats gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I (leans into the microphone again) I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.
Rachel: You too!
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Rachel: Oh, Joey! Sorry!
Rachel: Oh but look! Thats gonna leave a stain!
Rachel: Really?
Rachel: Ive never lived like this before.
(Rachel throws some of hers down.)
Joey: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Phoebe and Rachel: Ewwww!!
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
[Another series of flashbacks begins with Episode 413: The One With Rachels Crush, Joey is telling Rachel and Phoebe how he picks up women.]
[The next one is from Episode 613: The One With Rachels Sister, Chandler has just opened the door to reveal a woman standing there.]
Woman: Hi, is Rachel here? Im her sister.
Rachel: Oh my God, Jill!
Jill: Oh my God, Rachel!
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
Rachel: And you know Monica and Ross!
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Rachel: Dont!! (Joey backs away frightened.)
Rachel: Yeah!
Rachel: Wow! I cant believe they didnt put it in the part where you said you didnt watch soap operas.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm so sorry, you were right, this feels great!
Rachel: Ohh, out, oh God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there!
Monica: (upon seeing Rachel she points) Oh.
Rachel: No, Monica! Monica! We have to fix this!
[Scene, Central Perk: Rachel, Ross and Monica are there]
Phoebe: Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
Rachel: Yeah.
Rachel: Hey.
Phoebe: Rachel?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. You've met your match Rachel Green.
Rachel: Sure.
Rachel: Wh-what do you mean?
Rachel: Oh my God. Did you talk to him?
Rachel: Phoebe
Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(opens it)...it's a book!
Rachel: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.
Rachel: What? What!?! You kissed him?
Rachel: Ohh, okay, Im sorry. Youre right. Yknow what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what youre asking of me.
Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.
Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)
Rachel: Yeah! I dont think youre going to need it though. Okay, check this out. If its a girl, Rain.
[Scene: The hall, full of paleontologists. Rachel and Joey are walking around]
Rachel: Will you stop calling it your apartment!
Rachel: Well, okay, look. I don't know, listen, I don't know what's going on here but let's
Rachel: What?
Rachel: To get you to make out with him!!!
Ross: Gimmie! (Takes the ring and puts it in his coat pocket as Rachel enters the hallway.)
Rachel: Oh my God! You really are freakishly strong!
Rachel: Ross, honey, is there anything we can do?
Rachel: Ohh, well I'm not totally back yet, but thank you.
Rachel: Come on, this isnt funny. She thinks its my fault that you havent called her. You have to call her!
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier. Rachel starts laughing.]
Kim: Hi Rachel.
Rachel: Ohh, hi, Kim.
Rachel: No.
Rachel: Oh no, no, no. Oh God, you think I made out with him.
Rachel: No, theres nothing to make up, shes gonna know that I have a key to her office, Ive got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
Rachel: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! (Joey goes to sit on the bed) Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! (looks at Joey, who's totally distraught) Ok, dial it up a little!
Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.
RACHEL: Yeah, who's gonna eat all our food, and tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What the hell you doin' with my bra?
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Rachel: No, it was a stupid bet! We were just playing a game!
Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
Rachel: You were with Kenny today, werent you?
Rachel: (entering) Hey roomie!
Rachel: Okay, two things didnt happen. Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out thats not true.
Rachel: That wouldnt help me.
Rachel: Ohh, Phoebe, what am I going to do?
Emily: Oh, no-no, yknow I absolutely adore Rachel its just that, well it might be a awkward for you. But its absolutely your decision. (Gets up.) More tea?
Rachel: (softly) Oh my God.
Rachel: Kim, hi.
Rachel: You and Ralph?
(He goes into his room and closes the door. Rachel goes to pick it up and )
Rachel: No-no, Im staying put.
Rachel: But honey, I think shes moving in with Chandler.
Chandler: (entering, sees Rachels throw) Ni-hi-ice!
Rachel: No-no-no, no, honey please, Ive got, Ive just have so much to deal with.
Joey: (to Monica and Rachel) He's talking to London!
Rachel: Oh my God, I cannot believe this. You know I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation with youAbout us! But I can�t do that with someone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment!
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Rachel: (worried) Nothing?
Rachel: You're right, you're right. I should just tell her the truth.
Rachel: Okay then! (She starts rummaging through the trash to find Kim's lighter.)
Rachel: Her dancer friends?
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Rachel: Really?!
Rachel: Well and clearly not a minute sooner.
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
[Ross and Rachel are in Rachel's bedroom]
Rachel: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all (Ross is laughing), what?
Monica: Hey, have you seen Rachel?
[Cut to the casino, a very drunk and doodled on Rachel is walking arm in arm with an equally drunk and doodled on Ross are walking through the casino and greeting people on their way through. Ross has some whiskers and his nose colored in, along with his name on his forehead.]
(Monica goes into Rachels room.)
Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
[Rachel leaves]
Rachel: Op! Youre peeping!
Rachel: No!
Phoebe: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
[Rachel enters]
[Phoebe walks over to talk to Rachel.]
Rachel: Well, I told him I would think about it, but Im gonna tell him no.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...
Rachel: (seeing his new table) Ohh! Oh my God!
Rachel: Really! God Ross, what were you thinking? (To Phoebe, quietly) I know its really shallow, but a part of me wants him again.
Rachel: I a not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sick
Rachel: Now that youre on youre own, youre free to look as stupid as you like.
Rachel: Oh... sit down, sit down. Oh, honey, you know, I once also almost married somebody that I didn’t love. Do you remember Barry?
Rachel: No-no, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room.
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
Rachel: Okay...
Rachel: Yeah!
Rachel: Oh no. No Ross, dont do this.
Rachel: Yeah honey you dont believe her do you?
Joey: Okay, look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
[Ross and Rachel re-enter.]
Rachel: It sure is.
Rachel: Well?