words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment?
Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?
Rachel: Okay, umm, Im gonna get my sweater. (Walks away.)
Ross: Were still married! Dont tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, do you have any gum?
Rachel: Oh? Yeah! Sure!
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Rachel: Yeah, were, were actually just gonna walk cause its right up there at the Angelica.
Ross: Well, okay so, I dont have it all worked out quite yet. Just dont say anything to Rachel, please?
Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!
(Rachels cab backs up.)
Rachel: (to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!
Rachel: What was that?!
Rachel: I havent seen it yet!
Rachel: Noooooooo!!
Monica: Yknow, I really have to tell Rachel, but I We just have to get it over with! Yknow, the next time we see them were just gonna tell them. Okay? Thats it.
Monica: Hey, have you seen Rachel?
Monica: Okay, I gotta go find Rachel but umm, if you guys see her could you please try to give her some really bad news so that mine doesnt seem so bad? (Exits.)
Phoebe: Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is pacing anxiously waiting for Rachel.]
Monica: Ugh, I thought you were Rachel!
(They hug as Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: Ugh, the worse day! Yknow, you think youre making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.
Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!
Rachel: What?
Rachel: Oh my God! Thats so great! Im so happy for you guys!
Rachel: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door
Meg: Well, I dont care about the divorces either, but I wouldnt date him. Its just that hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.
Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "Hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are still debating about how to tell Rachel that Chandlers moving in and shes moving out.]
Chandler: Okay, when are we gonna tell Rachel what is actually gonna happen?
Chandler: You just said Of course youre my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel though?
Rachel: (entering) Hey roomie!
Rachel: (gasps) Are you pregnant?!
Rachel: Um-hmm.
Rachel: (laughs) Oh my God! Oh, thats funny, I cant believe I did that.
Rachel: Okay. (Sits back and resumes her reading.)
Rachel: Sure? (Monica hands her one.) Thanks.
(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)
Rachel: Monica, where did you get these?!
Rachel: Ooh, good God, theyre so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)
Monica: So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.
Monica: I mean, all Im asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Dont I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk
Russell: (interrupting) Im sorry, is this the same Rachel whos name you said at the altar in the second marriage?
Russell: And well need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.
Russell: Of course you did. Look Ross, you cant get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.
Ross: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is painting her toe nails as Monica enters.]
Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: Okay!
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: (grabbing the star) What the hell is that?
Monica: I dont know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.
Rachel: Wow! Mon, thanks! I love this plate!
Rachel: Mon, honey youre not dying. Im just moving out. Yknow, I mean were gonna see each other all the time.
Rachel: Are you okay? Youre not blinking.
Rachel: Oh, all right. But yknow I gotta say, I dont, I dont think six years counts as an era.
Rachel: What is the matter with you?!
Rachel: All right, fine, but dont get mad at me. Its-its just a little hard to believe.
Rachel: Well yknow, its you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Yknow? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess Im not upset because I dont see you guys going through with it. Im sorry.
Monica: Rachel, its going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.
Rachel: But I
Rachel: It is? Really?
Rachel: (starting to lose her composure) I mean were not, were not gonna live together anymore?
Rachel: What? Oh my God! Im gonna miss you so much! (Starts to cry.)
Rachel: I mean its the end of an era!
Phoebe: I knew it! Because you love Rachel.
Ross: I I do, I do not love Rachel. Im gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?
Ross: I do not have feelings for Rachel! Okay?! (He goes into her apartment.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.
Rachel: Thank you.
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Thanks to you Im half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I dont think I have ever been this angry!
Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you dont think thats just a little funny?!
Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
Rachel: Alright... (shuffles cards expertly, all the guys stare in amazement)
RACHEL: Hey, Mon, you want some help?
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything. MONICA: No, I will not cave. RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon. ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas. [Gives him the cash.]
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Rachel: We've got to find a new pediatrician. Ross was getting sick last night, and I think Emma may have caught it.
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!
(Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops. As she talks on the phone, an elaborate visual gag is spun out which is too difficult to describe in words.)
RACHEL: It's just this thing. Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side and my dad would be upset becasue nobody was helping and then when we did help he would scream at us for doing it wrong. But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up, you know, and it'd get really cold, and we would all just sort of smush under this one blanket. It never occured to anybody to bring another one. And now it's just...
(Gunther tries to swoop in to ask Rachel out.)
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think hes bored.
Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
Mr. Thompson: Well, I hope youre gonna bid on some things Rachel.
Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldnt come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Rosss new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I dont know what happened there either...
Ross: You even have to ask?! (He grabs a lollypop out of a jar) (Sees Rachel) (To Rachel) He is alive!
Rachel: Yeah, well Bettys kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. (Holding up the box of chocolates.) Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Phoebe: (grabs and shakes Rachel) Just calm down woman!
Rachel: I know. I know, but yknow condoms only work like 97% of the time.
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Oh.. yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, <shakes head no> not the same thing.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is walking from the bathroom to his bedroom and walks past a pile of Rachels laundry, which just happens to include a selection of panties. He stops, goes back to the basket, looks for Rachel, picks up a lavender thong, and heads for his bedroom. However, he decides he doesnt like his selection and goes back this time picking up a red low-cut silk brief and heads for his room, flexing along the way to prove his masculinity.]
Rachel: Oh, it is so unfair. It's like that time they promoted Sandra over me at work.
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
RACHEL: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Rachel: Me? Oh, no, I am not an actress.
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Rachel: (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I dont think I have the energy for this.
Rachel: That sounds like a plan. Umm, is there a place I can go freshen up?
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
Rachel: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!
Rachel: Oh. Im sorry. Im very sorry. Sorry. (She hums and sighs happily.) Its just, Im ahh, Im kinda excited. Im, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and... (He puts his headphones on to ignore her.)
Rachel: Dont just say yes! This isnt a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
Rachel: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesnt even fit you anymore!
Rachel: But, theyre across the hall! I mean thats two doors away, it would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
Rachel: Oh, that would be great! (Sandy leaves for Emma's room) I love him, I love him, I love him...
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe theres a like league we could join or something.
Rachel: Okay-okay that-that's amazing. How did you know that?
RACHEL: I, I don't know, um, do you think you're cute? OK, we're kinda gettin' off the track here. Um, I was supposed to come here and tell you my friend thinks you're cute. So what should I tell her?
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel’s there and Ross enters the room with a stuffed dinosaur]
Rachel: Noo, I y'know I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she have any y'know other stripper moms friends of her own?
Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
Rachel: Hi! (to mr Zellner) Excuse us.
Rachel: Jurassic Park could happen.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Rachel: No. No, she told me his name was Ken Adams.
Rachel: So uh, so did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes!
<Ross and Rachel are putting baby stuff together like they're going to be going somewhere.>
ROSS: Until now. [jumps on Rachel on the bed]
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Rachel: Im not saying that Im a lesbian! Im just saying that this happened!
Rachel: Oh no, at the Grammies I always win.
Rachel: (glaring at him) Joey
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
(Rachel finally manages to open the door, but the door chain is on.)
RACHEL: What? [in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and lets it get away]
Rachel: Huh, yeah I guess we are roommates now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are finishing up some cookies.]
Rachel: Okay, yknow what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what were gonna do! Im gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so) and Im gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel and a co-worker (Sophie) are dealing with the crisis.]
Rachel: He carries a briefcase.
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
Rachel: Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head!
Rachel: No, I have all of the good words. OK, fine, fine, we can switch.
Monica: "Hi Im Rachel, is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, Id better wash it and shrink it!"
Big Nosed Rachel: Not for me. Chip and I broke up!
Rachel: Im having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, do you wanna come?
Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um...