words in movies
Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Richard: Okay, okay, one things changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.
Richard: You too, you let uh, your hair grow long.
RICHARD: You're gonna do what to my clocks.
Richard: No I didnt.
Richard: Nice to meet you Joey.
Richard: Yeah, sure.
Richard: I think I lost. Three times.
RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out to the balcony]
Richard: Great!
Richard: Oh, thanks.
Richard: I found the picture!
Richard: Well of course I am!
Richard: I found the picture!
Richard: All right.
Richard: No!
Richard: You wouldnt happen to have a very big fork?
Richard: As were you.
Richard: Well have we finished the scene?
Richard: Why? Are we done for the day?
Richard: It was great seeing you the other night.
Richard: Now, that can be arranged! (He brings his sword back and drops it, causing it to fly over the wall.) Slippery little bugger!
RICHARD: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll coach the soccer team.
Nurse: Dr. Richard Burke is out of town. Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.
Monica: Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard.
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Richard: (still spitting) The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony!
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
(Joey and Richard both wipe their faces and are given towels.)
Phoebe: That’s right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there’s no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!
Richard: Oh, Im sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica, Chandler. We used to date.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)
Joey: I dont know. Ooh, I bet its Richard.
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
(Richard thrusts, misses Joey by several feet and Joey screams in pain and drops to his knees.)
(Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.)
[Scene: The Gellers' house. Monica, Ross, and Richard are arriving to Mr. Gellers birthday party.]
Richard: No! I came here to tell you something else. (Pause) I came here (Pause) to tell you I still love you.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica and Richard are alone in the kitchen.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe shes having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Richard: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. (yawns) Thanks for a lovely evening. (shows her out)
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh I thI thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Yknow? Hes uh, hes a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)
MONICA: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, Richard and I just finished and we've got leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I wearing?...Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Richard and Joey are doing a scene.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Richard are there]
The Director: I dont think so. Lets take it back to Richards last line. (Walks off.) Action!
RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed]
Richard: (To Joey) Are you a little off today? Its going terribly slowly.
Richard: Just the last two pages.
Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves!
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
Richard: Yeah! Youre saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.
Chandler: Richard was there so I couldnt do it!
RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
Richard: Hes gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Richard: Noo! I came down here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you.
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
Joey: Mhm, maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard!
RICHARD: Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way. All right, I'll see you guys later.
Chandler: What?! Im Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, thats Richard!
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Richard: Oh youre awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.
Richard: (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, its just like everyone elses apartment. Its got rooms, walls, and ceilings.
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Ross: Hey, y'know, Mon, if things wrong out between you and Richards son, youd be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you werent sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they?
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Mr. Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Yknow, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?
Phoebe: Monica had lunch with Richard.
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
Monica: Noo! My ex-boyfriend Richard! Y'know the tall guy, moustache?
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.
Richard: Shes not here and please come in.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Richard: No its not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.