words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe enters to see Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel tearfully watching TV.]
RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
RICHARD: Uh, Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see what's about to happen.
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV] [Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]
MONICA: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, Richard and I just finished and we've got leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I wearing?...Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
MONICA: Ok. [Richard walks in] Hey, why don't you ask Richard?
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
RICHARD: Wow. Well being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.
RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out to the balcony]
MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?
MONICA: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him?
[Richard enters]
RICHARD: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep this by the way.
JOEY: How come Richard looks so much cooler with one of these than me?
MONICA: You know what, I think it's cute, you trying to be more like Richard.
CHANDLER: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
MONICA: You're meeting Richard?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
RICHARD: Hey Phoebs, what's happening?
RICHARD: Charlotte who?
RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?
RICHARD: Hey, be right there.
RICHARD: It's the basketball playoffs.
RICHARD: Oh, no, honey, I mean, don't worry, I like hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me. They're different than my other friends, they don't start sentences with, 'You know who just died shoveling snow?'
RICHARD: Uh, it's the college playoffs.
RICHARD: Uh, they're not in it.
RICHARD: Ok. [leaves]
MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing Richard at foosball.]
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
RICHARD: Well, we had a table in college.
RICHARD: Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.
RICHARD: Ok, just one more point.
RICHARD: Is everything all right?
RICHARD: Uh-oh.
RICHARD: Well.
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
RICHARD: Uh, you guys see me as a dad?
RICHARD: Uh-huh, yeah.
RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
Richard: Ill just throw them out.
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
Richard: You were gonna propose? (Sits on the arm of the couch.)
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
Richard: Oh, thank you. Youre welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.
Richard: Im wearing two belts.
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Richard: I didnt ask. You wanna come in?
Richards Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
Monica: I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.]
MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!
RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
Phoebe: (sitting down) Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing.
Richards Date: Yeah, but I didnt get to see it.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons?! Oh my God!
Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
Richard: That can be arranged.
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)
Dedicated to the Memory of Richard L. Cox, Sr.
Ross: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didnt want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete cant.
Chandler: No! Her boyfriend Richard!
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
RICHARD: Oh, hey. I love children, I have children. I just don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our lives can finally start.
Richard: Wow. Y'know were back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothings changed.
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I cant go to him when I dont have a boyfriend!
RICHARD: Oh honey, I'm fine.
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
Monica: Me going out with Richards son.
Richard: Oh, hey look nothing happened.
Richard: Oh, okay. Well, Ill just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.)
[Cut to that same kitchen, only this is The One With The Proposal, Richard is telling Monica something.]
RICHARD: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, I'll go out first, alright.
Richard: Is that my ass? (Hes looking at Joeys.)
RICHARD: Happy birthday.
RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
RICHARD: Jack, would you let it go?
RICHARD: How ya doin'?
RICHARD: She's not a twinkie.
RICHARD: Oh?
RICHARD: Really?
RICHARD: What?
RICHARD: Two.
RICHARD: Oh, thank you Phoebs. That's very sweet.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
RICHARD: Right, and...
RICHARD: Right.
RICHARD: Monica.
RICHARD: Shall we?
RICHARD: No.
RICHARD: Hey.
RICHARD: Ohh, brisk tonight.
RICHARD: No. You have got it completely wrong. John Savage was deerhunter, no legs, John Voit was coming home, couldn't feel his legs.
RICHARD: Oh, well that's not so crazy.
Richard: Youve got panties stuck to your leg.
Richard: Of course! Im-Im sorry. I-Id hate you to miss anything like that on account of me. I can do this!
RICHARD: Oh, alright.
RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet.
[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]
RICHARD: What're you doing?
RICHARD: Come on.
RICHARD: Thank you.
RICHARD: You're strict.
RICHARD: No that's not true. That is not true.
RICHARD: Well, I'm confused. I thought we shared time.
RICHARD: Yeah.
RICHARD: I love you, too.
RICHARD: Monica, wake up. Monica.
RICHARD: I thought of a thing.
RICHARD: Well, uh, sometimes I think about selling my practice, we could move to France, make French toast.
RICHARD: Look I want you, now.
RICHARD: Okay.
RICHARD: Honey, you are in it.
RICHARD: Sure I do.
RICHARD: Oh, yeah!
RICHARD: Ooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring something too?
Monica: I need to get some Richard.
RICHARD: Let's never speak of this.
RICHARD: But you're not.
RICHARD: Okay, I'll do it.
RICHARD: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard and Monica are in bed.]
MONICA: It's Richard Burke.