words in movies
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
Richard: Nice to meet you Joey.
Richard: No I didnt.
Richard: I think I lost. Three times.
Richard: Yeah, sure.
Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.)
Richard: (still spitting) The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony!
Richard: No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry pasta!
Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh I thI thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Yknow? Hes uh, hes a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)
The Director: I dont think so. Lets take it back to Richards last line. (Walks off.) Action!
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (Hes holding a script.)
Richard: Just the last two pages.
Richard: I found the picture!
Richard: Could you uh, could you lower your script? I need to see your face so I can uh, play off your reaction.
Richard: Oh, thanks.
Richard: Well of course I am!
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
Richard: Great!
[Scene: The Movie Set, Richard and Joey are doing a scene.]
Richard: I found the picture!
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!
(Joey and Richard both wipe their faces and are given towels.)
Richard: Oh youre awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Richard: Im wearing two belts.
Richard: No!
Richard: All right.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Richard: That can be arranged.
(Richard thrusts, misses Joey by several feet and Joey screams in pain and drops to his knees.)
Richard: (To Joey) Are you a little off today? Its going terribly slowly.
Richard: Of course! Im-Im sorry. I-Id hate you to miss anything like that on account of me. I can do this!
Richard: Now, that can be arranged! (He brings his sword back and drops it, causing it to fly over the wall.) Slippery little bugger!
(He walks away and Joey does Rosss fist thing. He then enters Richards dressing room, to find Richard cutting his steak with his sword.)
Richard: You wouldnt happen to have a very big fork?
Richard: Well have we finished the scene?
Richard: As were you.
Richard: Why? Are we done for the day?
Richard: Oh, thank you. Youre welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)
Richard: Is that my ass? (Hes looking at Joeys.)
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Richard: Noo! I came down here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you.
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Joey: Mhm, maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard!
RICHARD: Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way. All right, I'll see you guys later.
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
Richard: (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, its just like everyone elses apartment. Its got rooms, walls, and ceilings.
Chandler: What?! Im Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, thats Richard!
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
Ross: Hey, y'know, Mon, if things wrong out between you and Richards son, youd be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you werent sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Mr. Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.
Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they?
Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
Phoebe: Monica had lunch with Richard.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Yknow, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
Monica: Noo! My ex-boyfriend Richard! Y'know the tall guy, moustache?
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
Richard: Shes not here and please come in.
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.
Richard: No its not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?
Rachel: Because its Richards son! Its like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
Richard: Actually, Im not here to complement the chef.
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
Richard: Oh. Look, just friends, I wont grope you. I promise.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Ross: What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh thats right thats right. Thats Richards favorite place too.
Chip: Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch. Oh yeah! I ran into Richard Dorfman.
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
Richard: Ill just throw them out.
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
Richard: You were gonna propose? (Sits on the arm of the couch.)
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.
Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.
RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
Richard: I didnt ask. You wanna come in?
Monica: I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
[Scene: Richards Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.]
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
Richards Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons?! Oh my God!
Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
Phoebe: (sitting down) Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing.
RICHARD: Charlotte who?
Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
Richards Date: Yeah, but I didnt get to see it.
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
MONICA: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him?
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
MONICA: Ok. [Richard walks in] Hey, why don't you ask Richard?
RICHARD: Wow. Well being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.
Richard: Wow. Y'know were back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothings changed.
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I cant go to him when I dont have a boyfriend!
RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
RICHARD: Oh honey, I'm fine.
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
Chandler: No! Her boyfriend Richard!
RICHARD: Oh, hey. I love children, I have children. I just don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our lives can finally start.