words in movies
Monica: Oh my God, Richard. (Yep, Richards back.)
Chandler: What?! Im Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, thats Richard!
Monica: Oh God, maybe he wont see us. Richard!
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
Richard: You too, you let uh, your hair grow long.
Richard: Well, my nose got lonely.
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Richards Date: Hi, Im Lisa.
Richard: Oh, Im sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica, Chandler. We used to date.
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Monica: (to Richard) Its good to see you
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.
Richard: Oh. Good to see you guys.
Richard: That might be fun. (Richard and Lisa sit down.)
[Scene: The Restaurant, Monica and Chandlers and Richard and Lisas tables have been pushed together and theyre all eating and talking.]
Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Chandler: Richard!
Ross: What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh thats right thats right. Thats Richards favorite place too.
Chandler: Richard was there so I couldnt do it!
Richard: Hi!
Monica: Richard!
Richard: Actually, Im not here to complement the chef.
Richard: Well, it was great seeing you the other night.
Richard: No! I came here to tell you something else. (Pause) I came here (Pause) to tell you I still love you.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
Richard: Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did! Yknow after we had lunch last year I spent six months in Africa trying to get you out of my head!
Richard: Working with blind kids.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Richard: You are?
Richard: Why?
Monica: Yeah! Richard!
Joey: Richard told Monica he wants to marry her!
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Richard: Hi.
Richard: I didnt ask. You wanna come in?
Richard: Oh, okay. Well, Ill just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.)
Richard: (standing up quickly) Drink?
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Richard: Uh, no! No! Thats art! If it bothers you I can put my art out.
Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Yknow, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?
Richard: Oh really?
Richard: Who is it?
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Richard: Ahh.
(Richard mouths, "Wow!")
[Scene: Richards Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.]
Richard: Excuse me?
Richard: Oh. (Laughs.) Whew!
Richard: Yeah! Youre saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.
Richard: I think thats fair.
Richard: Its okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. (Hugs her) Shhhh.
Richard: I know. (Backs away.)
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Richard: Chandler.
Richard: Shes not here and please come in.
Richard: Okay, she was here, but she left.
Richard: Well she said she had to think things over.
Richard: Oh, hey look nothing happened.
Richard: Well all right, one thing happened?
Richard: Well Im sorry.
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
Richard: Well if it helps, it worked very well.
Richard: You were gonna propose? (Sits on the arm of the couch.)
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
Chandler: Yknow Richard you are a good guy.
Richard: I know. (Pause) I hate that!
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica and Richard are alone in the kitchen.]
[Scene: The Gellers' house. Monica, Ross, and Richard are arriving to Mr. Gellers birthday party.]
Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe shes having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
Richard: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. (yawns) Thanks for a lovely evening. (shows her out)
Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh I thI thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Yknow? Hes uh, hes a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Richard and Joey are doing a scene.]
MONICA: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, Richard and I just finished and we've got leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I wearing?...Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
The Director: I dont think so. Lets take it back to Richards last line. (Walks off.) Action!
Richard: (To Joey) Are you a little off today? Its going terribly slowly.
RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed]
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Richard are there]
Richard: Hes gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Richard: Just the last two pages.
RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Joey: Mhm, maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard!
RICHARD: Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way. All right, I'll see you guys later.
Richard: Noo! I came down here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you.
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
Richard: (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, its just like everyone elses apartment. Its got rooms, walls, and ceilings.
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Richard: Oh youre awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.
Mr. Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you werent sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Ross: Hey, y'know, Mon, if things wrong out between you and Richards son, youd be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.
Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they?
Monica: Noo! My ex-boyfriend Richard! Y'know the tall guy, moustache?
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Phoebe: Monica had lunch with Richard.
RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?
Rachel: Because its Richards son! Its like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
Richard: No its not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?
RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
Richard: Oh. Look, just friends, I wont grope you. I promise.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Chip: Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch. Oh yeah! I ran into Richard Dorfman.
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
Richard: Ill just throw them out.
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.
Richard: Im wearing two belts.
Richard: Oh, thank you. Youre welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Monica: I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
Richards Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
Richards Date: Yeah, but I didnt get to see it.
MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.
Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
Phoebe: (sitting down) Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing.
RICHARD: Charlotte who?
RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
Chandler: No! Her boyfriend Richard!
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
Richard: That can be arranged.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons?! Oh my God!
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)