words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)
Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
Ross: (waves) Hello!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah
(Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected)
Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
(Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach)
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
(Ross enters, carrying lasagna)
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Ross: (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is...
Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh....?
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Ross: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?
Ross: (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend Tanya. (looks up frightenedly)
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Susan: Oh, hello Ross!
Ross: Susan...
Ross: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK!
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Ross: (flailing arms in protest) Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here!
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be?
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Ross: Hi Pheebs!
Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
Ross: My God.
Ross: The actress!
Ross: Thanks Rach.
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Ross:(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Monica admiring their new table.]
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) You suck!
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Ross: (wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts.
Ross: Come on, two on one.
Ross: What, now?
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
Ross: (entering) How's it going?
(Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter)
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Ross: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed...
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]
Ross: Hey.
Ross: You all right?
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: Oh, Ross...
Ross: What?
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great!
Ross: Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs)
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.
Ross: (astonished) What?
Ross: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)
Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
Ross: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!
Ross: I'm having a son. Um...
(Ross looks scared)
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: What do you mean?
Ross: Yeah, have a seat.
Ross: You think?
Phoebe: Oh hey Ross oh I'm so glad someone's here could you zip me up?
Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal)
Ross: Hey, youre right.
Ross: Thanks. (He starts to go inside and stops.) What photo album was it?
Ross: That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.
Ross: I just wanna clarify this: are you outing Mr. Peanut?
Ross: Helps a little.
Mrs. Waltham: This is ridiculous. I mean we had an agreement. (Ross looks frustrated. She begins to scream at her husband.) Will you say something, Steven?! Please!!!
ROSS: OK, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before ha, have, having the sex?
Ross: Yeah, I was going for the metaphor.
Ross: Hi.
Ross: (Thinks about it.) Nah.
Ross: And why do you care so much?
Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
Ross: (to Joey) Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
Rachel: (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz.... I love you, Ross.
Rachel: Well Thats yknowThatsWeve been alone for the last twenty minutes were doing okay. Besides yknow what? I-IMaybe we wont be alone, cause lately I-Ithings have been happening between me and Ross, yknow? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Yknow? So it might be the the beginning of something.
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)
Ross: Emily! (Runs up.)
Ross: Oh, absolutely! (Chandler mumbles something.)
ROSS: Then you should have said something before I met her.
Ross: Thats no problem.
(Ross goes outisde on the balcony.)
Ross: Me neither, okay? We are - we're done being stupid.
Ross: What do I do now?
Ross: Thank you.
(Ross enters.)
Ross: You still love me.
Ross: I did.
Ross: She said, "Thank you." I said, "I love you." And she said, "Thank you."
[Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachels room.]
Chandler: O-kay. I'll see if I can find Ross. (Goes off to find Ross.)
Ross: Ahh.
Emily: Ross.
Ross: Well
Ross: (Answers the phone.) Hello?
Ross: Emily, hi! Uh, how-how was you flight?
Ross: What?
Ross: No.
Ross: All right. All right, Im gonna do it!
Party Guests: (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!
Phoebe: Okay, so its probably just the Ross thing then.
(Ross starts to leave.)
Ross: Really?
Ross: You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me?
Ross: (on phone) Hey.
Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? Im coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)
Ross: About four hours.
Emily: Ive uh, Ive come to talk to Ross.
Ross and Rachel: Noo.
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Ohh! Thank you.
Emily: Ross, I love you!
(Ross thinks it over, finally sits down and picks up his cards.)
Ross: Hey, if mommy can have a wife, daddy can have a bra.
Ross: Okay, but do you really need another friend? I mean...
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.)
Emily: (laughs) Ross play rugby? I dont think so.
Ross: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.
Ross: (triumphantly) Im gonna be on TV!!
Ross: Hey!
Monica: It is not over because she is going to call you and tell you she loves you. And the reason why she couldnt, is because her feelings were so strong, it scared her. Now you go home and wait for her call, she could be calling you from the plane! Come on now go! Go! (Tries to push Ross out the door.)
Ross: Yeah? Oh-oh, shed be so excited!
Phoebe: He is! But hes getting divorcedRoss! Maybe you know him.
Ross: You had fantasies about Emily?
Ross: Oh. Whats wrong with Ross?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Sandy sit on the couch. Sandy holds Emma. Ross enters the apartment. Sandy and Rachel wipe their tears away with handkerchiefs]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
(knock on door, Ross opens, it's a woman)
Ross: All right, bad ankle, got it!
Rachel: Okay, but Ross, eventually you and I are gonna be dating.
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
Ross: Am I?!
Ross: Am I?!
Ross: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I dont feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Ross: I cant believe it. (Pause) Can I tell you something? Im a little mad at him now.
Ross: Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny. (Joey makes a gesture and sound like "Can you believe that?")
Molly: (to Ross) I'm gonna take her back to the appartment.
Ross: She doesnt know which one of us she wants, me or this Colin guy.
Ross: (interrupting her) Oh, it's not the ideal way...
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Ross: What?
Ross: Oh, wake up!
Ross: Excuse me?
Ross: It does not!
Ross: Oh come on! Here we go! (picks her up and puts her in the chair) Stand by for mission countdown!
Ross: This is not fun!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.]
Phoebe: Yeah. The 92 Ross wouldnt.
Mona's Date: Its awfully pink. (Ross mouths, "Its salmon!")
Ross: In this life, Phoebe.
Ross: Oh, I missed you too.
Ross: Nice luggage.
Ross: Yes, thats what I was going to ask, thank you.
Ross: Hi!