words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Oh, that. Umm, she took it really well.
Ross: No.
Ross: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didnt tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend.
Ross: Its nothing, I just gave her a hug.
Ross: Its also a sign of friendship.
Phoebe: Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson. (Tries to take a bite out of Rosss cookie.)
Ross: (grabs back his cookie) It was a hug!
Ross: S-s-smell her hair? What if I did?
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Ross: I was hugging her as a friend. Its not my fault her-her hair got in my face, shes got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh coconutty. (Phoebe raises her eyebrows.) What?! Oh, that doesnt mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts!
Ross: (grabbing back his coffee) If the place you are referring too is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place!
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Rach, uh, you still looking for a place?
Ross: Okay, theres this guy, Warren, from the museum and hes going on a dig for like two years and hes got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh, you interested?
Ross: Dont thank me! If you wanna thank something, thank the volcano that erupted thousands of years ago, killing but perfectly preserving an entire civilization. (Rachel just looks at him.) Heres Warrens number.
Ross: Okay, you go grab it!
Ross: I dont know what youre talking about.
Ross: Look, I do not re-love her.
Ross: Look, were just friends now! Okay? Why would I do anything stupid?
Ross: You can live with me.
Ross: What?
Ross: Uh-huh. (Phoebe grunts.)
Rachel: I would love to live with you Ross; thats-thats great! Thank you!
Ross: Well, Im-Im just glad I could, yknow, help you out.
Phoebe: Wow! Im-Im so happy for you guys. (To Ross) This is so-so, not stupid.
Ross: Hero, I uh, I dont knowwell, all right.
Ross: Oh please! (He sits down.) (To Phoebe) Youre gonna say things now, arent ya?
Phoebe: No. No, I wont. But I should tell you this, this exact same thing happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her and he said he didnt love her, but he really did, and it just blew up! And thats how she ended up living with me! (Ross looks at her.) (Pause) Okay, thats a lie.
[Scene: Rosss Apartment, Rachel is entering and Ross is making some room on the shelves for his stuff.]
Ross: Hey! Oh listen, I was just clearing some space for your stuff.
Ross: What do you mean, theyre not moving in? They-theyre still moving in right?
Ross: What?! Over a stupid room!
Ross: Oh no, yeah no, that parts great!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering, dragging Chandler, to mediate the argument between Chandler and Monica.]
Ross: Whats all this about you guys fighting?! Is this really over a room?! I mean, that is so silly!
Monica: Ross, we can handle this.
Ross: Well, apparently not, and I cant just stand by and watch two people I care about very much be hurt over something that is so silly. I mean, enough of the silliness!
Ross: (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look Ive known you both a long time, and Ive never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as youve been since youve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?
Ross: Okay! All right! Now, Chandler you-you wanna live with Monica, right?
Ross: And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, dont ya?
Ross: (jumping up) Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York! (Storms out.)
Ross: (entering) Hey Rach!
Ross: Youre never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. Thats great news rightI mean for them. Right?
Ross: Yeah but, on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.
Rachel: Yeah. Yknow umm, uh, umm, about that, umm, Ross I really appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything, but dont you think its gonna be weird?
Ross: Wh-why?! Why-why-why would it, why would it be weird?
Ross: No!
Ross: No! No! It would be weird if we were still in that place, I mean are you still in that place?
Ross: Good! Me neither! So its not a problem. Were just two friends who happen to be roommates.
Rachel: Okay, but Ross, eventually you and I are gonna be dating.
Ross: Really?! We are?
Ross: Ohh! That would be great.
Ross: (laughs as well, but for a different reason) Yeah, I didnt think of that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is once again being dragged in by Ross so he that he can try to manipulate the situation so that its best for Ross, not necessarily whats best for Monica and Chandler.]
Ross: So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean its a really big step! And-and whats the rush?!
Ross: No, I-I-Im serious, okay? I mean, think about it. You move in, you start fighting over stupid game rooms, next thing yknow you break up!
Monica: Ross, you were right before, it was just a stupid fight about a room.
Ross: Okay, there are no stupid fights!! This isnt about the room, this is about what the room represents! And unfortunately, this room (Points to Rachels room) could destroy you!!
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
Monica: Ross didnt scare you?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song. Yep, the first new Phoebe song of season six, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are also there.]
Ross: (To Rachel) So umm, where are the other guys?
Ross: Fighting?!
Ross: Yeah. Theres no breaking them up, is there?
Ross: Sure! Here. (Hands her his keys.)
Ross: Yeah, Im-Im sure. (Deadpan) Yeah, get out of here before I change my mind. (She exits)
Joey: Umm, listen, Ross do you really think this moving in with Rachel is a good idea?
Ross: Ive been back and forth.
Ross: Ehh, I dont, I dont think so. Shes already talked about yknow, dating other guys.
Ross: Yeah, well, m-maybe youre right.
Joey: I am telling you Ross, she is definitely gonna fall in love with you again! Now, is that what you want?
Ross: Is that what I want?
Ross: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Joey!
(Ross motions for the girls to pick.)
Ross: Yes, yes I am, one of the many things Im feeling. Well.... (picks up her coat)
Ross: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything.
Ross: (entering) Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?
Ross: (to Rachel) But work comes first! (to Mark) Oh hey, but thats sad about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?
Ross: (to Rachel) Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.
Ross: Listen, I got to tell you Ive-Ive never been to a guru before, so...
Ross: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really thought wed be able to make it work, but uh, I guess it just wasnt meant to be.
Ross: Okay, its second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you need.
Phoebe: Yeah? (sees Ross) Hi!
Ross: I dont know what to say.
Ross: Happy for you. (He punches her back.)
Ross: None.
Ross: Im sorry.
Ross: Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
Ross: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.
ROSS: Alright, alright, ok. Bye.
(Ross gets fed up with Joeys banging and stops him by pulling him away from the door.)
Ross: Oh, no-no-no dont you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!!!
Ross: She said you gave her the razor!
Ross: So when I came in here to see if you wanted to maybe start things up again, you were engaged to my best friend.
Ross: Okay, have fun! Wooo!!
Ross: All right. (reading the label) Candy and Cookie?
Cashier: I can tell you work out. (Ross is please and Rachel looks at him confused.) A paleontologist who works out, youre like Indiana Jones. (Rachel has a disbelieving look on her face.)
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
Rachel: Yeah, but she also invited you and Ross. Yeah, honey, Im sorry, but I dont think that was a romantic thing.
Ross: Is that Mark?
Ross: Sorry, Im sorry. Close, close, close...
Ross: I know if you were getting married Id feel, kinda .. yknow.
Ross: It does. It really and truly does.
Ross: Sandy... Hi, we uhm... we kinda need to talk. I'm afraid it's not working out.
Ross: When you put a D at the end of Fine youre not fine.
Ross: (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross is grading papers. Charlie approaches him.]
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
Ross: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.
Ross: Althea is correct.
Ross: Ooh! Theres no way to do this without her? Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Ross: Oh, well, er, I already ate, but sure...! (they all look at each other when Ross grabs a plate) Guess what happened at work today...
Joey: Well, I was thinking that itd probably be okay because Ross hasnt gone out with Rachel in five years!
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
Ross: Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away.
Ross: I'm fine! Hey, I'm great! I'm just.. I'm just proud of us. There's no weirdness, no tension.
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
Ross: The volcano?
Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didnt want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that shes going to Florida for spring vacation.
Bonnie: (kisses Ross) Dont be too long.
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is working on his laptop when Rachel enters with Emma.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
Ross: So why dont you quit?
Ross: Who is Maria?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
(Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror)
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.
Ross: Then how do you explain the toe ring?!
Ross: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be?
Ross: Good! Thats good!
Ross: You dont have to shout everything.
Ross: Me? No.
ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious.
Ross: Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?
Ross: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact they have one of the highest mark-ups of any consumer product...
(Chandler and Ross enter)
Ross: Its heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Ross: And thats funny, why?
Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married?
Ross: Look, they must be stopped!
Ross: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract (he and Charlie laugh, then Joey starts laughing too without any reason) Well, why are you laughing?
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.]
Ross: Hello.
Ross: No-no.
Ross: Yeah, its the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Ross: Ah no. I dont, but it could not have been more than sixty.
ROSS: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever you like.
Ross: Oh yknow, I stillI cant believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean its Its like you and me going out, only weirder!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the next morning. Chandler, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Ross: Thirty seconds, all the questions you can answer.
(Ross glares at Chandler.)
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Ross: Oh waithold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.
Chandler: Thank you, Ross.
Ross: (to Rachel) I was just leaving.
Ross: Oh.
Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Oke-dokey. (He pokes her in the eye with the brush.)
Ross: 150 dollars.
Ross: Hi!
Ross: Monica knows.
Ross: Wow! You-you look great!
Ross: What?
Ross: 200 dollars.
Ross: No Joey! Look why dont, why dont we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, well each go out with her one more time. And-and well see who she likes best.