words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is packing her belongings to move to Rosss. Shes standing in the kitchen.]
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
Ross: (in an Australian accent) You complete me kitchen, matey!
Phoebe: Ross, I know what youre thinking.
Ross: What?
Ross: Oh my God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel!
Ross: Of course! It all adds up! I mean you youre obsessed with her. Its always, "Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?" "Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?" "When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?" You want her!
Phoebe: No! (Rosss phone rings.)
Ross: (answering it) Uh-oh, saved by the bell. (On phone) Hello?
Ross: (on phone) No-no-no, thats great! Ill be there Monday. And thank you again! (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up) (To All) Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U!
Ross: Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it.
Ross: I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean its temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, yknow you and Ross are still married.
Phoebe: (To Ross) Saved your ass.
Ross: (entering) Hey everyone!
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Ross: (he starts reading directly from his cards word for word very quietly) "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct "
Ross: (continuing) " subcategories. The first of these subcategories is "
Joey: (interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?
Ross: No! Why?
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
Ross: (gets up) Okay!
Rachel: Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?
Ross: Thank you!
Ross: Please dont say naked chicks.
Ross: I-I-I dont even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Yknow what? Im just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks.
Ross: (entering) Hello!
Ross: It went great! And I didnt need any jokes or naked chicks either!
Rachel: Wow, thats great Ross, Im sorry we werent more supportive before.
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
Ross: Thats right!
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Rachel and Monica are arriving to talk to Ross after the lecture, but are there early.]
(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
Ross: Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.
Ross: Will you-will you please?
Ross: Oh.
Ross: (in his British accent) Im sorry, Ive got plans with my sister.
Ross: (in accent) Right, will you excuse us for one moment? (Takes Monica aside.) (In his normal voice.) What are you doing?
Ross: Just please stop!
Ross: (entering) Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean theyre probably not even listening!
Ross: Theyre not listening too me?
Ross: Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are playing phone pranks on Ross.]
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Russell: (Rosss divorce lawyer.) Hello, is Ross there?
Russell: Yes, this Russell, Rosss divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I havent heard from him, I assume hes decided to give the marriage a try.
Rachel: Ross got married againNooooooo!!!!!!!!!
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Ross is trying to phase out his accent.]
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, shes not in the best of moods having just found out Rosss dirty little secret.)
Rachel: Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!
Ross: (in the accent again) Well, hello Rachel!
Ross: (dialling the phone) All right-all right, fine! I-Im gonna call the cops!
Ross: I just asked that girl out.
Ross: Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.
Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you dont want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?
Ross: You dont know?! Rach, you balded my girlfriend!
Monica: Well you-you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs. Altman, our 50-year-old librarian.
Ross: Okay, please-please Paul, just let me explain
Ross: Look, dont worry about me. Okay? Ill just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. Ill uh, Ill be that guy right out of the circle. (He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)
Ross: (entering) Hey Rach!
Liam: You dont say! (We see Ross who is hopping about with the ball and spikes it in his face.)
Ross: Wh-why?! Why-why-why would it, why would it be weird?
Rachel: No! Wait! Wait-wait! Ross, please!
Chandler: Okay Ross, why dont you come with me?
Rachel: (entering, to Ross) The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.
Ross: And she's just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little
(Ross enters carrying a frying pan with fajitas - without any oven mitts.)
(They exchange looks, smile, and shrug their shoulders before Ross suddenly lunges forward in an attempt to kiss her, but she expertly backs away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are returning.]
Amy: (very excited) Oh! Great! So how much does it pay? (Ross just gives up and leaves)
Ross: What you dont think Id go up to her?
Ross: Tsz... NO! (he goes to sit down, dropping a multicoloured silk streamer off his sleeve).
ROSS: Ok. No, hey, whoa, whoa, I'll get your coat.
(Ross is now preoccupied with the spider, and forgets that Rachel is still using the swing. While trying to get rid of the spider, he stands in front of Rachel, who bumps into him, throwing him on the ground again.)
Rachel: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!
Ross: My fault?! You threatened the judge!
Ross: Whats a matter with me? Youve got a black light. Its 1999!
Ross: (perplexed for a moment) Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Rosss forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
Ross: Am I?! And was it your idea to postpone the wedding?!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is sitting on the step drinking a beer as Rachel comes out of the guys apartment.]
[Rachel leaves, and Ross follows her into the hall.]
Ross: No thats not what I want. Uh, Im glad you guys were bonding but I
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are working on the seating chart as Ross enters carrying his tux around.]
ROSS: Hey, Fun Bobby!
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door with a credit card, with no success.]
Rachel: Ugh, Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely an experience!
Ross: Love you guys. (he kisses Monica, he, Rachel and Phoebe leave.)
Ross: No the-the sad thing is, if you had told him how you felt before you kissed her, knowing Joey, he probably just wouldve just stepped aside.
Ross: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, shes more..(shakes his shoulders, like hes dancing) y'know, and youre more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)
(Monica, Ross, Chandler, and Joey exit.)
Ross: Youre gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!! (Holds up two.)
Ross: I justI-I cant believe shes-shes dating?!
Ross: Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldnt. Thats why Im here. Maybe we could attack them together? (He glares at him.) That-thats a no.
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
Ross: Okay. Sometimes I feel
Ross: Huh? Yeah, fine, invite whoever you want.
Ross: (jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from?
ROSS: Ahh, oh that's OK, I mean, he's probably got, you know, parties to go to and stuff. But, ya know, he's moved on. Hey, that, that's the way it goes right.
Monica: Ross!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Ross: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Ross: Well, I said it loud.
Ross: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
ROSS: Hey, I didn't know we were, uh, seeing other people.
(Rachel laughs a little too hard as Ross and Jill leave for their date. After they have left, Rachel starts to break down.)
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Rachel: Ross! Yknow what, I just gotwhy? Why did you do this?!
Ross: Look I told you
Ross: Okay Rach, but
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
[Scene: Phoebes Herbal Guys office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Ross: Maybe hes just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?
Ross: Oh please! (He sits down.) (To Phoebe) Youre gonna say things now, arent ya?
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Ross: What?!
Ross: Yay! (To Carol) Seriously, our sex life I was thinking, maybe I dont know, we could try some-some new things. Yknow? For fun?
Ross: Oh, come on!
(Ross picks up the bag... then he and the woman kiss.)
Ross: Yeah! Theyre putting together this panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and The Discovery Channels gonna film it!
ROSS: Um, no, I uh, I have done it before.
Ross: On account of my rage.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: And, I came up with Atlantic City.
Ross: Sweetie, dont worry youll get picked. Chandler.
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
Ross: I can't believe you guys are moving in together. That's, that's great! I mean...I'm happy for you guys..
Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Rosss mom.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Joey: (entering) Hey. (Ross turns to see who it is, and seeing its Joey he just ignores him and turns back around.) Ross, I know youre pissed at me, but we have to talk about this.
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
Ross: All right, bye!
Ross: Yknow, I-Iyouve done a lot of stupid stuff too! Okay?
Ross: Yeah! Right!
Ross: Congratulations. (Gets up to leave.)
Ross: What?
Ross: Yeah?
ROSS: No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um the other thing.
Ross: Excuse me?
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the window waving at Ross.]
Ross: Totally. (Exits.)
Ross: Eh, no problem.
Ross: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi thing, so am I.
Ross: Unbelievable, my classmates are gonna think I'm dead, my professors, my... my parents are gonna get phone calls. You're messing with people's feelings here.
Joey: All right! Now you go get that beautiful pig! (Ross hesitates, looks unsure) Oink!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.]
Ross: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...