words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is packing her belongings to move to Rosss. Shes standing in the kitchen.]
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
Ross: (in an Australian accent) You complete me kitchen, matey!
Phoebe: Ross, I know what youre thinking.
Ross: What?
Ross: Oh my God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel!
Ross: Of course! It all adds up! I mean you youre obsessed with her. Its always, "Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?" "Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?" "When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?" You want her!
Phoebe: No! (Rosss phone rings.)
Ross: (answering it) Uh-oh, saved by the bell. (On phone) Hello?
Ross: (on phone) No-no-no, thats great! Ill be there Monday. And thank you again! (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up) (To All) Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U!
Ross: Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it.
Ross: I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean its temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, yknow you and Ross are still married.
Phoebe: (To Ross) Saved your ass.
Ross: (entering) Hey everyone!
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Ross: (he starts reading directly from his cards word for word very quietly) "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct "
Ross: (continuing) " subcategories. The first of these subcategories is "
Joey: (interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?
Ross: No! Why?
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
Ross: (gets up) Okay!
Rachel: Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?
Ross: Thank you!
Ross: Please dont say naked chicks.
Ross: I-I-I dont even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Yknow what? Im just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks.
Ross: (entering) Hello!
Ross: It went great! And I didnt need any jokes or naked chicks either!
Rachel: Wow, thats great Ross, Im sorry we werent more supportive before.
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
Ross: Thats right!
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Rachel and Monica are arriving to talk to Ross after the lecture, but are there early.]
(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
Ross: Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.
Ross: Will you-will you please?
Ross: Oh.
Ross: (in his British accent) Im sorry, Ive got plans with my sister.
Ross: (in accent) Right, will you excuse us for one moment? (Takes Monica aside.) (In his normal voice.) What are you doing?
Ross: Just please stop!
Ross: (entering) Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean theyre probably not even listening!
Ross: Theyre not listening too me?
Ross: Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are playing phone pranks on Ross.]
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Russell: (Rosss divorce lawyer.) Hello, is Ross there?
Russell: Yes, this Russell, Rosss divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I havent heard from him, I assume hes decided to give the marriage a try.
Rachel: Ross got married againNooooooo!!!!!!!!!
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Ross is trying to phase out his accent.]
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, shes not in the best of moods having just found out Rosss dirty little secret.)
Rachel: Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!
Ross: (in the accent again) Well, hello Rachel!
Ross: Multiple orgasms!
[Scene: Library. Ross show up with a MonkeyShine Beer poster.]
Ross: I�m serious. C�mon, you should go. Here. (shoves her outside, while she tries to stay) No, uh-uh, just go.
Joey: Uh Look Rach (Ross enters.) Hey Ross is here! Hey look! Its my good friend Ross. Hey Ross.
ROSS: Yeah, well, he's a baby not a bomb.
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
ROSS: I can't believe this.
Ross: What? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Chandler: (to Ross) "Big guy?"
ROSS: Zoo dollars?
MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang minus Rachel and Ross are talking to Pete.]
ROSS: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing--
ROSS: I uh, I don't know, I guess I'm just gonna see, see what happens.
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.)
ROSS: Ooooohhhh.
(Ross keeps giggling and Rachel decides upon revenge. She gets up and kisses the rather large man in the seat in front of Ross on the back of his head. The guy turns around angrily.)
[Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.]
Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Heyy...
Ross: No, no, I knew (he stares at her breasts).
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up the fire escape and is knocking on the window.]
ROSS: Buddy, my monkey?
ROSS: That guy Lipson?
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
ROSS: This is unbelievable.
ROSS: Of course.
ROSS: But you already told me everything.
Ross: Well we gotta do something, ok? Nannies like her don't grow on trees. (pause)
Joey: Now YOU'RE telling me I can't see her?? You guys are killing me! She's forbidden fruit! It's like ... like she's the princess and I'm the stable boy ... Why are you doing this, huh? Did Ross tell you not to let me go over there?
Ross: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.
[Scene: Kathys play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
Mona: Ohh! (Hugs him.) And I love spending time with you. (Ross isnt happy.)
Ross: Rach, I think youre reading a little too much into it.
ROSS: I know.
Joey: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel.
Ross: It's a blanket Joe, not a cloak of invisibility!
MONICA: Ross, there he is.
(In the meantime, Ross is trying to squeeze and push a rather large chair through the revolving doors of the Ralph Lauren building.)
Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on Rosss finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger) Ross, place this ring in Emilys hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.
Ross: Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? (Janice makes an agreeing sound.) So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice.
Ross: About yesterday, I was really wrong. I am sorry.
Ross: We live together. Youre having our baby. Im not gonna see anybody else. Are you-are you sure you dont want something more?
ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
Joey: Okay. (Reading.) "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross (Points to him.)
ROSS: Don't toy with me.
Ross: Well, OK, its for a boy. Well, I know its a little out there, but Darwin.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
(Joey runs up field and fakes out Ross and scores a touchdown. His team all celebrates the touchdown.)
Ross: I think you would have to clean a whole lot of apartments to go all the way to India.
ROSS: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Ross: (stutters looking for words) Ezels!!
[Ross enters]
RUSS: [sounding like Ross] Hhhhiiiii.
ROSS: Ugh. It's definitely getting worse.
ROSS: Good for you.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is opening the door to Monica.]
ROSS: With mealworms.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering the living room from her bedroom.]
ROSS: Huh?
ROSS: How'd the callback go?
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
Ross: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is getting help writing his vows from Joey and Ross.]
Rachel: No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to.
Ross: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. (he leans in, and they look at each other for a moment) That's a pretty necklace.
Ross: Hey, yknow what and if youre looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
ROSS: And, uh, and then I kissed her.
ROSS: Rach, hey look, I remember that, it wasn't so bad.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
ROSS: [being drawn in by her talk] Uh-huh.
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are sitting.]
ROSS: What happened?
Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
ROSS: What?
Ross: Hey! Wha-hoo! What's this? (showing the bottle) Well it's a, it's a bottle of champagne. Why is this here?
Rachel: Ok, Ross, what�s going on here, are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now?
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
Joey: Well Ross was hangin out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler....
Phoebe: (entering) Ross! How could you do that to an old man?!
Ross: Thats funny. Yeah. Yknow youre the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
ROSS: Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?
Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.
Ross: Well, I... I am having a good hair day.
Ross: (not turning around) Chandler. I sensed it was you.
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Ross: Phoebs, It's open! It's open!
Ross: Why dont they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-thats a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! Thats fun too! Whew!!
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y...
Ross: (to Joey): Joey, I'm a little shy.
ROSS: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world.
Ross: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.
ROSS: But, you are.
ROSS: I was saving you.
ROSS: No, but. . .
ROSS: Well, but, but. . .