words in movies
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both of them sitting on the couch, interviewing a nanny candidate.]
Prospective nanny: (in a sweet, caring voice) I think that's really smart. The easier we can make the transition for her, the better. (Ross and Rachel seem pleased with the answer.)
Ross: Thank you.
Ross: Boy, we uhm... hadn't really thought of that.
Rachel: Okidoki! (and she slams the door in the nanny's face while Ross crumples up the application form) Wow! We're never gonna find a nanny.
Ross: Oh, come on Rach, we will. I promise. We have more interviews (They sit down and Rachel sighs) And worse comes to worse, we can always reconsider the uhm... the first one we met with.
Ross: She was blonde? (he looks surprised for a while, but then gets a "gotcha" expression on his face... There's knocking at the door.) Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.
Rachel: Okay... (Ross opens the door.)
Ross: And she's a little mannish...
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. They're interviewing Sandy.]
Sandy: I really do understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. I mean, it's leaving behind a piece of your heart... (Ross has got that bored/angry/skeptic look and Rachel is very emotional)
Ross: Are you gay? (Rachel turns to Ross in an embarrassed way)
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: (skeptic) So you're just like a... guy who's a nanny?
Ross: (on a yeah, right tone) Okay.
Sandy: Like in my last job, I met Daniel when he was three weeks old. And I got to watch him grow into this awesome person... When I left, I said: I'll see you soon... And he said to me: Skdandy... (Ross and Rachel look puzzled) That was his name for me... I'll see you every day... right in... (points at his heart, but starts to cry before he can finish his sentence. Rachel tries to comfort him, but Ross has this "you've got to be kidding me" look all over him)
Ross: Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. (In the other room Emma starts to cry.)
Ross: Oh, come on, Rach, he's a guy!
Ross: Because, it's weird!
Ross: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...
Ross: King?
Rachel: (whispering and begging) Please? (Ross makes a "whatever" gesture) YES! Sandy you're hired.
Ross: You gotta be at least bi...
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Sandy sit on the couch. Sandy holds Emma. Ross enters the apartment. Sandy and Rachel wipe their tears away with handkerchiefs]
Rachel: (in a tearful voice) Oh... Oh boy... (she turns around and sees Ross) Hi...
Ross: (very worried) Is everything allright?
Ross: And I'm fine never having heard it... (Rachel looks at Ross in a "why do you say that" manner) Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?
Rachel: Yeah! (to Sandy) Excuse me... (She walks to the kitchen with Ross and sighs)
Ross: Do you realise that man has cried in our apartment three times...? Huh? I haven't cried that many times since I moved in.
Rachel: Look, Ross, he's just... Sandy is just sensitive, that's all.
Ross: (picks up a cookie) Okay, okay, see... that... that is the problem. He is too sensitive. (takes a bite from the cookie)
Ross: (speaking with his mouth full) Yeah, I mean, all things that guy... (looks at the cookie) These are amazing!
Ross: This... this is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes... makes... delicate French cookies, huh? They're not even... butch, manly cookies with... with... you know with... with chunks. (takes a careful bite from the cookie)
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
Ross: Hey... there's sensitive... and there is too sensitive.
Rachel: Okay, what? What is too sensitive? (There's music coming from the living room. Ross opens the door to the living room and he and Rachel see Sandy play a song for Emma on his recorder. Rachel is moved by this, but Ross only sees his point proven again, and walks back into the kitchen, angrily. The door he was holding, swings back and hits Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen and Ross enters.]
Ross: Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny?
Ross: Oh really? Did she tell you he plays the recorder, recites poetry and bakes Madeleines?
Ross: (looks like in heaven) Lighter than air... (changes back to serious) But that's not the point. (Joey now also enters)
Ross: Hey...! Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
Ross: Thank you!
Ross: ...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?
Ross: Wow!
Ross: Science...? Academia...? Being a good father...?
Ross: Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny. (Joey makes a gesture and sound like "Can you believe that?")
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Ross: Yep! That's my thing...
[Scene: Ross walks in the hallway to his apartment and stops in front of his own door. Now he hears two recorders playing a song. When he enters, Sandy and Joey are playing the recorder and Rachel listens.]
Joey: Yeah! Allright! Hey, hey Ross. Check it out! Sandy taught me Hot-cross Buns.
Ross: Really? Sounded like Three Blind Mice.
Ross: (looks angrily at Joey and points at him) I swear to God...! (Joey is in shock)
Ross: Okay, okay... How exactly is a two month old supposed to appreciate puppets?
Joey: I wanna be mr. Wigglemunch. (and makes a "there" nod to Ross)
Ross: (shakes his head) Oh my God!
Sandy: Well, I guess we know who's gonna be the Grumpus... (Ross goes to the kitchen)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's kitchen. Ross got a beer from the refrigerator and opens the bottle. Rachel now also enters the kitchen.]
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry. Please apologise to Sandy and the Snufflebumps for me.
Ross: Well, you know what... I-I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there... But I just... I can't... I can't go through with this.
Rachel: Oh, come on Ross...
Ross: No! Hey, you know what? I'm sorry. I would never force you... to hire someone you were this uncomfortable with...
Ross: Thank you!
Rachel: Well, you're the one who wants to fire him, so you're gonna have to do it. (Ross walks to the living room determined to fire Sandy)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Sandy is knitting baby clothes. Ross and Rachel walk into the living room.]
Ross: Here goes...
Rachel: I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo. (Ross walks to the couch where Sandy sits)
Ross: Sandy... Hi, we uhm... we kinda need to talk. I'm afraid it's not working out.
Ross: Yeah, uhm... I mean, Rachel and I, think you are great... with Emma... uhm... We just feel...
Ross: I... just feel that the... the chemistry isn't right. I'm sorry. We're... we're more than happy to give you good recommendation...
Ross: Anyway, uhm...Well, I'm glad there's no hard feelings.
Ross: No, you know, it's uhm... nothing you did, it's... it's uhm... my issue.
Sandy: What is it...? (Ross hesitates) Please...? (he tilts his head)
Ross: You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
Ross: Why... I... I don't know. (Sandy tilts his head again) Uhm... errrr... maybe... maybe because of my father?
Ross: I mean, uhm... you know when I was growing up he was kind of a tough guy... You know a-a-and as a kid I wasn't the athlete I am now.
Ross: I play squash...! Anyway, uhm... I uhm... I always get the feeling he thought I was too sensitive.
Ross: It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?
Ross: I know I am! (Ross now starts to cry) ...And when it's summer, and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?
Ross: Here come some more...
Joey: I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!
Ross: What?! That's not gonna make you any money!
Ross: Yeah I just hurt it.
Rachel: Oh wow! What now Ross youre not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean youd think the damn jalepeno wouldve cleared up your sinuses, but no!! Thats not enough (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?!
Ross: You know sometimes your words... they hurt.
Ross: Hey hey, can I help?
[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]
Ross: Oh, you guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy, we call him Hums While He Pees.
Rachel: I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Yknow? And its probably really hard for you to be alone right now.
Ross: Oh yeah, let me just finish this.
Ross: (he comes back) Alright, let's go!
Ross: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out.
Rachel: (on answering machine) Hi, its me. Ive been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful. Please, Ross, you gotta know there is nothing between me and Mark. This whole break-up thing is just stupid.
Joey: It wasnt my ring! It fell out of Rosss jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing!
Ross: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.
Ross: (yelling at Chandler) I have sex with dinosaurs??
<Ross ponders that and walks away>
Ross: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, Id expect nothing less.
Nurse: (To Ross) Rossy, we're ready for you.
Monica: (starting to cry) Im sorry I almost made you sleep with Ross. (They hug.)
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Chandler: Ross, don't press send, don't press se... !
Ross: (visibly upset) I'm dead?
Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.
Joey: (after Ross leaves the room) aaand SEND! (he hits the send button)
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
Ross: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours, some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.
Tom: Thanks... uh... I'm so sorry about Ross, it's...
Ross: Who is he?
Monica: So, did you know Ross well?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Ross: You can't go, I mean you're the glue that holds this group together!
Joey: The skys blue Ross and I had sex yesterday!
Ross: I dont think so! Youre just giving me Ruth so youll get to name it when its a boy, and thats when youll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.
Ross: Did you hear that? Kori Weston had a crush on me!!
ROSS: (whining) But you left.
Ross: No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I...I mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.
Ross: No thanks!
Ross: The woman just vanished!
[Scene: N.Y.U, Rosss new class, this time hes actually about to do a lecture.]
Ross: Yeah y'know what? Maybe-maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck, maybe you messed up because you care more about uh, your godson.
Joey: Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this?
Ross: Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.
Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
Ross: (yelling to Monica)They're towing your car, they're towing your car!!
(Suddenly Ross comes running into the apartment)
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey is now hanging off of the bottom rung of the ladder that wont move and Ross is watching from above.]
Ross: (to Monica)Think he washed his hands?
Ross: Well, I dont think we are gonna have that problem, but maybe thats just because I am not emotionally unavailable!
Ross: Uh, you're not gonna win.
Ross: Why would I eat my own arm?
Ross: Why?
Ross: You don't have to do that, I'll pay for myself. But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys - that's so sweet! Come here (they kiss and hug)
Monica: You know what, Ross? I'm gonna throw in 50 bucks for you.
Ross: (To Chandler) Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh
[Scene: Ross and Rachel�s. Ross phones, Rachel and Emma are there.]
Ross: I ... I was just talking about Rachel.
Chandler: (looks around) I'll take this one too (to Ross) Uh ... Mommy?
Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Ross: Okay, I-Ill see you tonight.
MONICA: Rach, get the heat. [Rachel holds up her hand with wet fingernail polish] Ross, could you turn the heat down please?
Joey: (to Ross) I'll show you how.
Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didnt you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Ross: 3 minutes ago!!! I don't know why that's important ...
Ross: I can't believe this, I thought we were all in this together!
Ross: Im not gonna hit you.
Ross: Oh my God, you guys!! (Hes excited about what he thought happened.)
Ross: (trying to stop her) Hey, hey!!
Ross: It went great! And I didnt need any jokes or naked chicks either!
Ross: Wow! How'd you get in there?
[Scene: Rachels bedroom. Ross and Rachel have just finished consummating the new relationship.]
Ross: Monica!
Ross: Go, go, go!!
Ross: Oh yeah, it's a good idea!
Ross: Oh, we have one too!!
Ross: (calling Rachel) Come on!!
Ross: Oh yeah, no no no...that's great!
Rachel: (to Ross) Isn't that amazing?
Ross: It's not a word!
Ross: Yes you did, gleba is a word!
Ross: So is everybody here? I got here a little early myself. Let us begin. Now, the hydrosaurids have been unearthed in two main locations. (He moves to the map and we see why he made it to class on time, hes wearing in-line skates and hasnt taken them off.) Here. (Points to the map, somewhere in the Middle East, then spins on the skates and points to the map.) Here. (China.) Now as for the hydrosaurs
Monica and Ross: Seven.
(they all look at Ross)
ROSS: Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, ok.
Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.
Ross: Hi!
Ross: I'd love to!
Monica: Ohh, Im sorry I couldnt think of anymore for Ross!
ROSS: You know, I, I used to, ah, play keyboards in college.
Ross: Phoebe, what happened?
Monica: Why don't you take Ross?
Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose?
Ross: Ok, Michelle, it�s time to go.
Ross: Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge!
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Ross: Huh, whats fish hooking... (Joey sticks his finger in Rosss mouth and pulls on his cheek, y'know like when you hook a fish.) (to Joey, sarcastic) Thanks man, that would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste?
Ross: Not there.
Ross: (mumbling) She doesn't know what to say!
Ross: Well, you shouldve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, hes like Joe Rugby.