words in movies
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both of them sitting on the couch, interviewing a nanny candidate.]
Prospective nanny: (in a sweet, caring voice) I think that's really smart. The easier we can make the transition for her, the better. (Ross and Rachel seem pleased with the answer.)
Ross: Thank you.
Ross: Boy, we uhm... hadn't really thought of that.
Rachel: Okidoki! (and she slams the door in the nanny's face while Ross crumples up the application form) Wow! We're never gonna find a nanny.
Ross: Oh, come on Rach, we will. I promise. We have more interviews (They sit down and Rachel sighs) And worse comes to worse, we can always reconsider the uhm... the first one we met with.
Ross: She was blonde? (he looks surprised for a while, but then gets a "gotcha" expression on his face... There's knocking at the door.) Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.
Rachel: Okay... (Ross opens the door.)
Ross: And she's a little mannish...
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. They're interviewing Sandy.]
Sandy: I really do understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. I mean, it's leaving behind a piece of your heart... (Ross has got that bored/angry/skeptic look and Rachel is very emotional)
Ross: Are you gay? (Rachel turns to Ross in an embarrassed way)
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: (skeptic) So you're just like a... guy who's a nanny?
Ross: (on a yeah, right tone) Okay.
Sandy: Like in my last job, I met Daniel when he was three weeks old. And I got to watch him grow into this awesome person... When I left, I said: I'll see you soon... And he said to me: Skdandy... (Ross and Rachel look puzzled) That was his name for me... I'll see you every day... right in... (points at his heart, but starts to cry before he can finish his sentence. Rachel tries to comfort him, but Ross has this "you've got to be kidding me" look all over him)
Ross: Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. (In the other room Emma starts to cry.)
Ross: Oh, come on, Rach, he's a guy!
Ross: Because, it's weird!
Ross: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...
Ross: King?
Rachel: (whispering and begging) Please? (Ross makes a "whatever" gesture) YES! Sandy you're hired.
Ross: You gotta be at least bi...
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Sandy sit on the couch. Sandy holds Emma. Ross enters the apartment. Sandy and Rachel wipe their tears away with handkerchiefs]
Rachel: (in a tearful voice) Oh... Oh boy... (she turns around and sees Ross) Hi...
Ross: (very worried) Is everything allright?
Ross: And I'm fine never having heard it... (Rachel looks at Ross in a "why do you say that" manner) Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?
Rachel: Yeah! (to Sandy) Excuse me... (She walks to the kitchen with Ross and sighs)
Ross: Do you realise that man has cried in our apartment three times...? Huh? I haven't cried that many times since I moved in.
Rachel: Look, Ross, he's just... Sandy is just sensitive, that's all.
Ross: (picks up a cookie) Okay, okay, see... that... that is the problem. He is too sensitive. (takes a bite from the cookie)
Ross: (speaking with his mouth full) Yeah, I mean, all things that guy... (looks at the cookie) These are amazing!
Ross: This... this is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes... makes... delicate French cookies, huh? They're not even... butch, manly cookies with... with... you know with... with chunks. (takes a careful bite from the cookie)
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
Ross: Hey... there's sensitive... and there is too sensitive.
Rachel: Okay, what? What is too sensitive? (There's music coming from the living room. Ross opens the door to the living room and he and Rachel see Sandy play a song for Emma on his recorder. Rachel is moved by this, but Ross only sees his point proven again, and walks back into the kitchen, angrily. The door he was holding, swings back and hits Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen and Ross enters.]
Ross: Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny?
Ross: Oh really? Did she tell you he plays the recorder, recites poetry and bakes Madeleines?
Ross: (looks like in heaven) Lighter than air... (changes back to serious) But that's not the point. (Joey now also enters)
Ross: Hey...! Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
Ross: Thank you!
Ross: ...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?
Ross: Wow!
Ross: Science...? Academia...? Being a good father...?
Ross: Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny. (Joey makes a gesture and sound like "Can you believe that?")
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Ross: Yep! That's my thing...
[Scene: Ross walks in the hallway to his apartment and stops in front of his own door. Now he hears two recorders playing a song. When he enters, Sandy and Joey are playing the recorder and Rachel listens.]
Joey: Yeah! Allright! Hey, hey Ross. Check it out! Sandy taught me Hot-cross Buns.
Ross: Really? Sounded like Three Blind Mice.
Ross: (looks angrily at Joey and points at him) I swear to God...! (Joey is in shock)
Ross: Okay, okay... How exactly is a two month old supposed to appreciate puppets?
Joey: I wanna be mr. Wigglemunch. (and makes a "there" nod to Ross)
Ross: (shakes his head) Oh my God!
Sandy: Well, I guess we know who's gonna be the Grumpus... (Ross goes to the kitchen)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's kitchen. Ross got a beer from the refrigerator and opens the bottle. Rachel now also enters the kitchen.]
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry. Please apologise to Sandy and the Snufflebumps for me.
Ross: Well, you know what... I-I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there... But I just... I can't... I can't go through with this.
Rachel: Oh, come on Ross...
Ross: No! Hey, you know what? I'm sorry. I would never force you... to hire someone you were this uncomfortable with...
Ross: Thank you!
Rachel: Well, you're the one who wants to fire him, so you're gonna have to do it. (Ross walks to the living room determined to fire Sandy)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Sandy is knitting baby clothes. Ross and Rachel walk into the living room.]
Ross: Here goes...
Rachel: I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo. (Ross walks to the couch where Sandy sits)
Ross: Sandy... Hi, we uhm... we kinda need to talk. I'm afraid it's not working out.
Ross: Yeah, uhm... I mean, Rachel and I, think you are great... with Emma... uhm... We just feel...
Ross: I... just feel that the... the chemistry isn't right. I'm sorry. We're... we're more than happy to give you good recommendation...
Ross: Anyway, uhm...Well, I'm glad there's no hard feelings.
Ross: No, you know, it's uhm... nothing you did, it's... it's uhm... my issue.
Sandy: What is it...? (Ross hesitates) Please...? (he tilts his head)
Ross: You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
Ross: Why... I... I don't know. (Sandy tilts his head again) Uhm... errrr... maybe... maybe because of my father?
Ross: I mean, uhm... you know when I was growing up he was kind of a tough guy... You know a-a-and as a kid I wasn't the athlete I am now.
Ross: I play squash...! Anyway, uhm... I uhm... I always get the feeling he thought I was too sensitive.
Ross: It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?
Ross: I know I am! (Ross now starts to cry) ...And when it's summer, and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?
Ross: Here come some more...
Chloe: (seeing Ross enter) Hey, its the dinosaur guy. (runs over to Ross) Hi, Ross.
Ross: So I guess were back to uh, Baby Girl.
Chandler: No, I let him winRoss!
Ross: Here we go. Mona umm, I think its time we-we had a conversation about-about where things are with us.
Ross: For real?
Ross: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!
Ross: A-A day.
Joey and Ross: Hey!
Ross: See ya!
Ross: Happy Thanksgiving!
[Joey and Ross enter.]
Ross: Some would say shes attractive, yes.
Ross: Who cares? I repel women.
Ross: (to Joey) Dude, we were good!
Ross: Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing?
Ross: (Gasps and speaks at a higher pitch) This feels perfectly normal. Ok, get on the swing!
Ross: (hands Chandler his pad and walks in) I want my turkey now!
Rachel: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all (Ross is laughing), what?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, what is it?
[Cut to the casino, a very drunk and doodled on Rachel is walking arm in arm with an equally drunk and doodled on Ross are walking through the casino and greeting people on their way through. Ross has some whiskers and his nose colored in, along with his name on his forehead.]
ROSS: Wow!� (pause)� Wow, You look . . . uh . . .�� It's just, ah . . .�� That dress . . . uh . . .�
Ross: And thats not against your oath?!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
Ross: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
Ross: All right I guess I'm, gonna go pack. (Starts to leave)
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
Joey: Ross! Can I talk to you for a second?
Ross: Okay, fine!
Ross: What?
Emily: (with her coat on, shes leaving with Ross) Thank you so much for this. It was really so thoughtful of you.
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
Ross: And um...You look nice today.
Rachel: Oh no. No Ross, dont do this.
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?
Ross: (shocked) Eh?
ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next forkful.]
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: Are you kidding?
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Monica: Ross? Lets go.
Ross: (To Joey) So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place?
Joey: Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet!
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
(Phoebe laughs, then stops to think about it. Ross enters.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is reading what Joey wrote.]
Ross: I-I uh, I got tricked into all those things!
Ross: This guy could be my babys stepfather!
Ross: Hey
(Ross enters)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross and Phoebe have been banished to Ross's place.]
Ross: Wow, Monicas letting other people help decorate her tree! Did someone get her drunk again or?
Monica: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! (She looks through the window and sees Ross practicing and fumbling around with the pipes.) Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?!
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Ross: Hi Janine!
Ross: Im sorry you lost your money, but I won it fair and square.
Ross: Are you serious?
Ross: I dont know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
Ross: Bye Janine!
Ross: Come on, Pheebs lay off him.
Ross: Oh my God!
Ross: It was a dry day.
Ross: Come on, would you grow up? Its no big deal.
Ross: Got it!
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
Ross: Right.
Ross: Look, were down to just one point. Could we please, maybe just settle it after the wedding.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Hey, I'm more cop than you two!
Ross: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.
Ross: We know!
Ross: Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross are there.]
Ross: Peach pit.
Ross: Monica! (Pause) Would it?
Ross: Beef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way!
Ross: The routine!
Ross: How was I supposed to know wed end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister?
Ross: Well, hello, Mrs. Ross! (Throws some rice.)
Ross: You think?! God, I, ah, Im in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachels all like, I love you and, and lets work on this. And all I can think about is, What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say? when I tell her what I did.
ROSS: [doorbell buzzes] That's, that's Julie. Ju... Julie, Julie. [talks on intercom] Hi Julie.
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Ross: No!
Monica: Ross, I think we should stick to the routine, we dont wanna look stupid!
Ross: Okay, I'm the baby. (Points at his eye.)
Ross: Really. It's always been you, Rach.
Ross: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape?
Ross: All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try. (Walks away and Ross closes the door.)
Ross: Uh, oh-ho bye.
Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.
Rachel: (laughs) I cannot believe Ross is buying this!
Ross: W-What was the one right before bananas?
Ross: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]