words in movies
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Ross: Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentines Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.
Rachel: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I cant! I cant! I cant! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just cant. Its just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I cant do it! I cant do it.
Ross: (while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! Its okay. (Rachel stops.) Its okay. Hey, its too weird for you, I wont see her again.
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Rachel: Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on thats-thats crazyI mean thats crazy. So whats-whats going on with you? What is going on with you?
(We see the TV and its the last scene where ET is saying goodbye.)
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Joey: (crying) You didnt cry when Bambis mother died?
Monica: Chandler theres nothing wrong with crying! I mean you dont have to be so macho all the time.
Joey: Come on man theres gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy?
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Chandler: Oh, thats Parents Day, first grade. Thats me with the janitor Martin.
Chandler: No! Look, I dont cry! Its not a big deal! Okay?!
Joey: No! Its not okay! Its not okay at all!! Youre dead inside!!
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Gunther: Well, I wouldnt call her a star, but shes really good. You should check out Inspecther Gadget.
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Rachel: Its not random, its Bob.
Jill: Its probably because not mature enough. Or smart enough. Maybe he doesnt like the way I dressNo that cant be it. Its really gotta be the smart thing. Oh Im so stupid! Im just like this incredibly pretty stupid girl!
Rachel: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just dont date Ross! Theres a million other guys out there, you just
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Monica: (noticing the bag Joeys carrying) Oh great! Did you get a movie?
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
Monica: Guys, whats going on?
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
(The movie starts, its a vampires lair and Buffay, The Vampire Layer enters dressed in leather and carrying a wooden stake. Suddenly, the vampire opens his coffin and sits up.
Rachel: Well its hard to tell (Rachel gets up to get a closer look, only shes having some trouble.) Oh God, if she would just stop moving.
Chandler: Shes just doing her job!
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
Chandler: Theres no back to this couch!
Monica: Oh thats so sweet! Look Chandler I dont care if you cant cry, I love you.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, his doorbell is ringing and hes running to answer it while doing up his pants.]
Ross: You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to (Opens the door to find Jill standing there.) Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-thats just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, theyve really taken a liking to me. (Quickly looks out to see if theyre watching.) Uhh whats-whats-whats the matter?
Jill: Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know were not supposed to see each other anymore and Im okay with that, its just that I dont know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.
(He goes into another room to get his projector and notes. While hes gone, Jill quickly checks her makeup.
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Mans Voice: Were still rolling!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Ross: Uh okay, well theres-theres wine in the kitchen.
Ross: O-okay, Rach calm-calm down, okay? She-shes really upset were just talking.
Ross: So thats the only reason she could be here huh? It couldnt have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe Im a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Rachel: Yeah thats right you werent thinking! Yknow what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him.)
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Jill: All right, Im leaving! Because Im not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. Thats you Rachel!
Chandler: (starts crying) I-I cant believe Jills gone. (They all look at him.) I cant help it, I opened a gate.
Rachel: Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, whos ass I cannot kick.
Chandler: Hmmm, thats very cool.
Phoebe: Thats what I said.
Phoebe: Excuse me, I dont want Greg and Jennys rejects.
(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute Ahh! Whats going to happen next??!!! I cant make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)
Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, Im not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it werent for us, cheap little man. (Emilys stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
Ross: Oh, come on, you know its a girl!
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Leslie: Wow, thats great.
Tim: Actually shes my-my boss. Sous is French for under.
Monica: Its 9:30 in the morning!
Tim: I I-I dont know, but I would say its pretty good-o. (Phoebe laughs too hard.)
Ginger: Whats that?
Phoebe: (to Rachel, whos staying in the cab.) Arent you gonna go?
Gunther: They already do. Thats why they call it the tray spot.
Monica: Wheres that?
Joey: So Pheebs whats this guy like?
Melissa: Oh no, thats-thats an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.
Monica: Wow! Its small.
Ross: Hey, whats going on?
Ross: Whats that on the bottom?
Chandler: Well, lets just say its ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
Phoebe: Then thats not breaking the law! Im there!
Ross: Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!" (Imitates the party noise.) All right? I mean shes taken my class!
Rachel: Oh thats right! Im sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!!
[Scene: Pauls Bedroom, Elizabeth is entering.]
[Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachels new job.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Ross: Wow! Happy Monicas night!
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Rosss behalf. I-I think the rule applies here yknow, since she has a chance to get on broad back
Ross: First of all its Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didnt fly.
Joey: Jos there, but I dont think theres anything she could do.
Joey: Whats going on?
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
Girl: Im not gonna tell you! Youre the bad man who broke Sarahs leg.
Monica: Of course theres another guy!! This is even more perfect! Now you have to prove your love!
Mark: Its for me.
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
Ross: Hi! Its me.
Ross: Whos that?
Ross: Ah, thats okay, thanks.
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, shes in bed with Richard.]
Ross: What was Monica’s nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Phoebe: Well, hes very charming.
(She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and Its That Time of Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Ross: Whos that?
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Ross: Thats crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
[Scene: Rosss Kitchen, Ross is taking some aspirin and checking his messages.]
Monica: I know! I mean its like me and your dad, thats a totally separate thing.
Chandler: Joeys gonna be thrilled! He was hoping youd come by as a slutty nurse.
Chloe: Wait! Wheres my shoes?
Chloe: Thats so great for you guys!
Ross: Well then a small one!! Listen, lets, we kinda have to get going!
Joey: Yeah, I mean its never taken me a week to get over a relationship.
Chandler: Thats-thats my nubbin.
Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? Its freezing out here. Would you come back inside?
Chandler: Well, thats the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually Ill be in Cuba.
Ross: Oh, I-I dont think theres any trail.
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
Monica: Its okay, its okay.
Monica: Thats right.
Rachel: Really its nothing. Im just
Rachel: Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby’s face on a penis!
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
Rachel: What, whats it, whats going on?
Ross: Wheres Ben?
Carol: Hes sleeping.
Ross: Its a good thing I didnt do it, because it sounds like it wouldve been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
Monica: YeahOh thats right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I see you got your mustache back.
Joey: Im the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!
Ross: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent on this wedding? Do you my sisters teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? (He puts his pants on backwards.) This isnt right.
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Rachel: Nooo! Its not okay! I cant believe you would want to after what he did to me!
Rachel: All right, lets go!
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
Rachel: You guys, theres a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
Joey: What-whats so funny?
Chandler: (to Rachel, whos entering) Hey! Howd the interview go?
Rachel: (to Ross) Whats your problem?
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Frank: Yeah, so we just thought wed stop by and let you know theres still no pressure.
[Scene: Outside Chandlers Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.]
Phoebe: What, hes 18.
Monica: It was okay. Shes still kind of depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend.
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
Monica: Youre right, Im sorry. Its not like youre yknow, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information, its uh, its like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.
Ross: Yeah, thats the one. Listen, I dont want to hurt her.
Chandler: Its the semi-finals of her botchy ball tournament.
Rachel: This bench, its hollow! I cant believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!!!
Phoebe: Thankfully you dont need me at all (gets up and to leave) so Okay Super aunt see you later! Rachel lets give it six to eight months (she leaves).
Monica: Hows the big anniversary dinner?