words in movies
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
Joey: Oh, nothing, no. Its an acting exercise, Im practising my fake laugh.
Joey: What-whats so funny?
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
Rachel: (to Ross) Whats your problem?
Ross: Nothing, its just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Phoebe: My little brothers getting married!!
Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs dont you think hes a little young to get married?
Phoebe: What, hes 18.
Alice: Y'know it-its funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all.
Frank: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knights ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.
Alice: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that theres an age difference between us.
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Franks life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I dont want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, its sick and wrong!
Phoebe: No-no, oh, Im fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brothers throat!
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Ross: Pheebs, if you dont tell him, soon hes gonna be married, and then youre gonna hate yourself.
Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then hes gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I cant. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.
Joey: So, were walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, Hey, lets go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes, remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, Nah, lets just hang out at your place. Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.
Rachel: Hey Mon, lets give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
Monica: Thats Bill Clinton.
Chandler: Whos he huggin?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats Pete! But why is Bill huggin Pete?
Rachel: Oh my God, Monicas gonna go out with a millionaire.
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. Youre 18, okay, shes 44, when youre 36, shes gonna be 88.
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Ross: Yeah, he-hes right, hes right. This is your time y'know, yeah, youre young, youre-youre weird, chicks dig that.
Frank: Okay, but isnt sex better when its with one person that you really, really care about.
Ross: No the mans right, thats what I had with Rachel.
Frank: Its so cool man, its so, its just cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.
Joey: I dont know, maybe I cant. I mean, maybe theres something wrong with me.
Frank: Its out there man! Ive seen it! I got it!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its after Ross and Joeys talk with Frank, and Phoebes is finding out what happened.]
Phoebe: (to Joey) Youre Franks best man?!
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe is opening the door.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Its a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?
Phoebe: Y'know what, forget it. Its ruined.
[Scene: Petes office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]
Pete: Okay, thats great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.
Monica: Youre supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, whats-whats the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
Pete: One meal! Thats all Im asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you dont have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.
[Scene: Phoebes, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
Frank: (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no! Just put the mail down. Its-its me!
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I dont, I dont know. But, y'know what, maybe its just all for the best?
Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, its still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now its, and now its gone and I dont know why!
Phoebe: Uh, well I can tell you why. Its, its because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?
Rachel: Oh my God! The millionaires here!
Monica: And thats why, Im not inviting you in for a drink. (starts to leave) Bye.
Monica: Oh, thats sounds great.
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
Pete: Thats about 60 cents.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally evil thing, but I so didnt. Theres someone here who can explain this better than I can.
Alice: Phoebes right Frank. I know its hard to hear, but it wouldve been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
Phoebe: Thats right, exactly. (sees them) All right, its a good bye kiss, thats good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what Im saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, Ive decided Im gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, hes listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Hypnosis Tape: Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
Joey: (Hes recorded his voice on the tape) Joeys your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Joey: Uh Look Rach (Ross enters.) Hey Ross is here! Hey look! Its my good friend Ross. Hey Ross.
Director: Okay, heres where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone thats a wrap!
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, its the set of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. The producer is showing Joey around the set.]
Chandler: Its okay, I want this to be your night too. (Raises his class.) To Monica.
Phoebe: But hes falling in love with her.
Phoebe: (shocked) Thats a really nice gift. I was thinking of like a gravy boat.
Chandler: Thats funny, this conversations how I got the bullet hole in my head.
Joey: Great. (He doesnt like it.) You got anything thats not Ralph Lauren?
Chandler: (To Monica) Its a nickname, Ill explain later.
Joey: Uh, take a look at the guys pants! I mean, I know you told us to show excitement, but dont you think he went a little overboard?
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Chandler: (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds something in the pocket) Whats this?
Chandler: Veronica. Look, its got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
[Scene: Monicas Bedroom, Monica and Phoebe are removing the rest of their wax strips.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Monica: Hold it! Are you talking about Dick Clarks New Years Rocking Eve?
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she wont let me see whats in it.
Chandler: Lets not do that any more.
Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a whats wrong with you? look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)
Chandler: Nope! Because Im not your boyfriend. (to Phoebe, whos entering) Hey Pheebs, how did it go?
Monica: Hey, see that snippy guy over there? Hes the one who decides who gets up on the platform. We should go dance by him.
Rachel: Ok, Ross, what�s going on here, are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now?
Chandler: Umm, hows it going with you guys?
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Ross: Thats funny. Yeah. Yknow youre the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its Joeys party.]
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Joey: Yeah, three days on the lake without a shower. Plus! I fell in that big tub of worms at the bait stand! Hey, how-hows he doing?
Ross: Why dont they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-thats a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! Thats fun too! Whew!!
Ross: Its nothing, I just gave her a hug.
(Joey whispers in Rachels ear to confirm his response.)
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzies mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is once again being dragged in by Ross so he that he can try to manipulate the situation so that its best for Ross, not necessarily whats best for Monica and Chandler.]
Phoebe: What? Hes gonna be dressed as a baby! (Mrs. Green enters.) Oh hi Mrs. Green!
Tony: Wow! Thats ah, thats pretty nice!
Ross: Well thats different! Okay? Because he, he was actually in love with me!
Joey: Oh comelook, when I was a kid my dads company gave season tickets to the number one salesman every year, all right? My dad never won! Of course, he wasnt in the sales division, but still, I never ever, ever forgot that!
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, lets plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Yknow what, I want you to take the chef job.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monicas guest towels?
Rachel: Come on, this isnt funny. She thinks its my fault that you havent called her. You have to call her!
Ross: Oh, no-no-no, see, that-that clocks a little fast, uh, we have 17 minutes. Huh, what can we do in 17 minutes? Twice?
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Richard: Is that my ass? (Hes looking at Joeys.)
Emily: Hows it gonna be all right?!
Chandler: Okay. I cant believe tomorrows the big day.
Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because its my sister. But, uh, uh yknow actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
Ross: Thats not true! Her, she doesnt even know what she wants! Rachels still mad about the whole thing.
Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. Im just gonna throw it out, its probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops)
Joey: (muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and its gonna help me not to snore.
Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but its gonna be okay, right?
Janine: Joey, its Anne Geddes. Shes a famous artist.
Monica: No! No its not! Its not gonna be okay! It sucks! No swing band! No lilies!
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
Chandler: Yeah, he thinks thats my name.
Waitress: Theres a side of steamed vegetables.
Rachel: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, lets talk about it!! How was she?
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Phoebe: Ooh, I cant do this. My mom was right. If I cant-if I cant give him up, then theres no way I can give up a baby. Ohh, God, Frank and Alice are gonna be so crushed. What-what else, what else can I give ema kidney!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is packing her belongings to move to Rosss. Shes standing in the kitchen.]
Joey: Hey-hey, youre startin to sound like the butchers wife there in-in chapter seven.
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
Joey: No room? Its a baby. Its like this big. (Holds his hands about a foot apart.) Yknow, I mean you-you could you could put it over here. (A desk.) Or-or-or we could put it right here. (The chair.) Aw, its cute, right? Or-or we could put it over here. (By the bathroom door.) You wouldnt even notice it. Wheres the baby? (Mumbles that its over in the corner.)
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) Im not worried, Im uh, Im fascinated. Yknow its like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
Eric: I am so stupid. Of course she was lying! Shes not a teacher. Theres not such a thing as the top secret elementary school for the children of spies.
Monica: Dad [kisses Jack], Mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is its Chandler!
Phoebe: OkayOop! Too late! Im leaving! Come on Chandler lets go! (She storms out.)
Joey: Hey, listen to me, listen to me you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise thats not gonna happen.
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Monica: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kindve competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Rosss nose.
Phoebe: Im just saying, this woman, I mean shes fictitious. No?
Rachel: Well, dont look at me! My hairs straight! Straight! Straight! Straight!
Monica: Youre getting a crush on your sisters fianc�e.
Phoebe: Ohh. No thats okay, hes a friend.
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
The Director: All right! Lets try this again! You ready Joe?
Joey: Oh, hey listen! The Soapies called today and I also get to present an award.
Joey: (entering with Ross) Hey! You guys! Check it out, check it out! (Hes wearing a blue blazer) Guess which job I got.
Chandler: Dont take this personally okay? Its just that I just cant have sex with a sick person.
Monica: No, I just I think that its too soon.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Emma continues crying while Rachel, Monica and Phoebe try different methods to stop her crying.]
Rachel: Yeah okay, you laugh now, but shes gonna be yours. (Phoebe gets suddenly scared.)
(They start to walk into the living room and notice someones head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see its Ross.)
Joey: Yeah, maybe its like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns. (pats Ross on the butt)
Rachel: I still dont get how you know when its false labour.
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Phoebe: No! Rachel, thats what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I dont get through, theyre not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! Its us versus them!
Joey: Its Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.
Ross: (on phone) Item J437-A, color: winterberry. (Theres a knock on the door as he hangs up the phone. He answers it to Mona.) Hi umm, listen come here, come in. (She does so.) Im so-so sorry about yesterday. I-Im really sorry. Its just that I (He picks up the pink shirt.)
Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joeys sisters.
David: Yeah, hes saying Da-Da.
Phoebe: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds y'know big sistery, y'know, Franks always late.
Chandler: What do you think shes just gonna sit there quietly? You dont think shes gonna want to make a toast? You dont think shes gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?!
Ross: You know what, its, its better this way anyway. I mean I dont know what I was thinking, going down that road again with us. Its just much easier if were just friends who have a kid.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)