words in movies
Chandler: Okay, well tonights the big night.
Chandler: Shes not gonna say no.
(Monicas entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.)
Phoebe: Its gone.
Monica: Whats the big deal?
Joey: Hey, yknow what? Ill come too. Im making money now; its about time I give something back.
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
Joey: Thats not what she said last night. (Ross glares at him.)
Chandler: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? (Makes like a gun with his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in all excited.) Whats going on little elves?
Joey: Its the big night! We wanted to wish you good luck!
Chandler: Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a surprise and shes gonna know.
Monica: Oh, thank you! (The gang exhibits signs of quiet apprehension and wears knowing glances.) (Monica giggles.) Whats going on?
Phoebe: So now whats going on here?
Phoebe: No, I know what a silent is I meant, whats going on with your hair?
Phoebe: No! Its nice!
(Rachels boss, Mr. Thompson walks up.)
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
Rachel: Thank you. (Mr. Thompson walks away and after hes left.) Okay, (writing her bid down) twenty dollars.
[Scene: Elizabeths Dorm Room, Ross is walking up to her door and knocks on it. Suddenly the door opens and Elizabeth drags him into the room.]
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: Whats-whats going on?
Ross: Oh, you have to call the police! Thats what I did to the kids in my building!
Elizabeth: No, its a water balloon fight! We started it!
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Ross: Uh, so this play umm, what do you think? Its-its gotten great reviews! Yknow the uh
Rachel: Well now its an empty bar.
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his pockets until he finds what hes looking for and sighs in relief.]
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Monica: Ohh thats sweet!
(As hes talking Monica notices someone familiar has just entered the restaurant. Lets see; I seem to remember him driving a Ferrari in Hawaii solving crimes as a private investigator and as a certain eye doctor in more recent times.)
Monica: Oh my God, Richard. (Yep, Richards back.)
Chandler: What?! Im Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, thats Richard!
Monica: Hey, its good to see you!
Monica: YeahOh thats right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I see you got your mustache back.
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Richards Date: Hi, Im Lisa.
Monica: (to Richard) Its good to see you
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.
Chandler: Yes. (Thinking hes gone.)
Matire'd: (motioning to the empty table next to Monica and Chandlers) Or if you prefer, this table is available.
Phoebe: Well, just buy the damn boat! (Shes still working her way through her tray of booze.)
Mr. Thompson: Thats good. Very good! (Walks away.)
(After hes left, Rachel stops laughing and glares at Joey again.)
[Scene: The Restaurant, Monica and Chandlers and Richard and Lisas tables have been pushed together and theyre all eating and talking.]
{Transcribers Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.}
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Ross: Oh my God, you guys!! (Hes excited about what he thought happened.)
Ross: What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh thats right thats right. Thats Richards favorite place too.
Monica: Why dont you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean thats what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff.
Monica: Shes leaving for three months.
Ross: Okay, good stuff. Umm, well shes-shes sweet and pretty and
Ross: No! No! I didnt do that. Its just Okay, honestly no. I dont, I dont see a big future with her.
Monica: Okay well I think thats your answer.
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
{Transcribers Note: Please correct my French here.}
Mr. Bowmont: Thats me.
Joey: You-you have to pay that! Its not just a guess.
Joey: Are you kidding me?! Shes gonna this boat!
Rachel: Y-Yeah! What-what is your wifes name?
Mr. Bowmont: Its Pam.
Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to him.) All right, you are settin sail up the Hudson! Youve got the wind in your h(sees that hes bald)arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that youve always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin! You canooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when youre old, Cappy.
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
Joey: No way! Its mine!!
Phoebe: I wanna see whats in your hand. I wanna see the trash.
Phoebe: Eww! Oh, its all dirty. You should throw this out.
Monica: (suspiciously) Okay. (Exits to carry out Phoebes wishes.)
Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a persons hands?!
Chandler: Thats right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind.
Joey: That guys still doing that?!
[Scene: Outside of Elizabeths dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with her and we can hear his thoughts.]
Ross: Okay, break-ups still on!
Monica: Well thats a little crazy. Although I am yknow glad to hear that youre branching out on what you look at on the Internet.
Monica: Okay well thats good to know.
Joey: (all excited) The Mr. Bowmonts here!!! (Jumps over the back off the couch and runs out into the street.)
[Scene: Monicas Restaurants kitchen, shes cooking as a waitress sticks her head in.]
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Monica: Ohh Oh, thats okay I hate when people come back to complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So whats up?
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant, continued from earlier.]
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Monica: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, Im the one thats making him wait!
Rachel: I mean Im probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean whats 2%? Thats nothing.
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
Monica: Yeah, but thats pigs not people!
Chandler: (to them) Its okay, I got a plan.
Rachel: Yeah, Im pretty confident about that. Thats what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though.
Phoebe: Well hey, its just a backup.
Monica: Yeah, its great.
Joey: Whoa-whoa, whats the matter?! Talk to the captain!
Monica: Its not like I want to get married tomorrow! Its just that I-Id like to believe that Im in a relationship thats actually going somewhere, that Im not just wasting my time!
Monica: No I dont know Chandler! Not anymore! Its like its like somethings changed.
Joey: Maybe thats the problem.
Monica: (starts for the door) Well theres some people who do want to marry me.
Joey: R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! (Monica nods yes.) And-and Chandlers tellin ya how much he hates marriage?!
Monica: Thats right.
Monica: You just told me that he hates marriage! That-that hes a-a complex fellow whos unlikely to take a wife! That-that hes against marriage and always will be!
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Rachel: Yeah, love. Its a tricky business isnt it?
Rachel: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time were 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and weve-weve already slept together so yknow therell be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "Whats that?!"
Ross: Thats impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Chandler: Hes not supposed to ask my girlfriend to marry him! Im supposed to do that!
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Richard: Uh, no! No! Thats art! If it bothers you I can put my art out.
Monica: No thats, thats okay.
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Phoebe: Of course I can! Its just good sense to backup your backup! Look, Ive already lost Chandler!
Phoebe: All right well lets see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boatThis is hard!
(She turns her head away and when shes not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and mouths, "No, Im not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and then stop smiling.)
Joey: Okay thats fair.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.]
Monica: I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-ups apartment! Yknow, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?!
Monica: Yknow, lets face it, Im not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I dont want that!
Richard: I think thats fair.
Richard: Its okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. (Hugs her) Shhhh.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Richard: Shes not here and please come in.
Joey: Shes gone.
Joey: Shes gone. She had a bag and she left.
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Rachel: Oh hell, hes done this three times! He knows what its about!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
Joey: Dont worry! Dont worry. I just told him, very nicely, "You dont go buying peoples babies, so back off!!"
Richard: Hes gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Rachel: Ross, shes gonna start getting ready soon!
Joey: Morning! Hey, hows my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! (Pats C.H.E.E.S.E. on the head.)
Rachel: Now, you do realize that shes a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Phoebe: Well its just like youre trying too hard. Always making jokes, yknow, you justYou come off a little needy.
Rachel: Ross, um, don’t forget to get a shot of Emma’s cake. It’s in a box in the fridge.
Ross: Oh wow! I mean, wow! I mean, I-I-I think shes cute but I-I would never have thought of going out with her, never!
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Guy: Oh, its you. I see you everywhere. Im Jim, Jim Nelson.
David: That reminds me of you so much, I mean umm, it-its actually of Lenin. But, yknow at certain angles
Phoebe: Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parents anniversary party?
Phoebe: Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals!
Rachel: Wait, but theres no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!
Phoebe: (turns around and hits Frank) So thats what you thought I did!! God! Thats not what I do!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there as someones cell phone starts to ring with one of those fancy ring tones.]
Rachel: Oh, I have to pee. If I dont come out in five minutes its because Ive choked to death on the potpourri stink. (Goes into the bathroom.)
Monica: He was in Rosss class marching band kinda overweight? Well, really overweight. I mean I was his thin friend.
Joey: Thats right, its all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it! (Steps into the apartment and Chandler closes the door.) (Joey struts over to the candy and starts eating it.)
Rachel: Ok, let’s keep talking.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Joey enters the room]
Phoebe: Oh, it’s the worst way to propose!
Chandler: See, honey, theres(puts his hand on her leg)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Janices Voice: (singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!
Joey: Ah, look who’s back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Joey: And its not fake, its totally brutal.
Joey: 'Cause we will appreciate it more when she’s gone?
Rachel: Amy, that’s what I was supposed to wear today, that’s why I hung it on the door.
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Rachel: Phoebe, that’s huge!
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Emily: Ross, are you there? Ross, I dont know if you can hear this but (Ross has moved to the window, apparently so that he can hear better.) Im gonna talk anyway, uh, Im in the States with you sister and your friends and its all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell youYes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you.
Chandler: (laughs) Isnt she cute? (On Monicas death stare) No!
Joey: Look, look lets pretend its a real bachelor party. Okay? Yknow? Before your wedding. Come on, itll be fun.
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Rachel: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that�s true.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Rachel: No, Im just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, its trifle time!
Phoebe: You guys were right. Hes just too excited about everything. I mean Im all for living life, but this is the Gellers 35th anniversary. Okay? Lets call a spade a spade this party stinks.
Monica: Yeah, I dont hear Chandlers and he doesnt hear mine.
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
Jill: Fine, then lets just say hes not my type.
Joshua: (getting up and backing away from they.) Is there ah, is there some way they can not be here. Its just ah, farm birds really kinda freak me out!
Monica: Yknow what? It really creeps me out choosing other peoples sex clothes.
Phoebe: I cant say because hes famous.
Rachel: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! Whats this?
Monica: But still, its a big change. The end of an era, you might say!
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Ross: How come its always us left in the field holding the ball?
Rachel: Because its Richards son! Its like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
Rachel: No! It didnt! Thats what I want to talk to you about. (starts to break up) Now, just to brief you (starts to cry) I may cry, but they are not tears of sadness or of anger, but just of me having this discussion with you.
(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susans coat.)
Joey: How about those fries though, huh? (Holds the plate between Sarah’s fingers and his plate, thus blocking her from reaching his)
Joey: Thats a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that!
Ross: No I left the diapers at the hospital! Theres some in the bag but Ill run out and get some more.
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, its all Joeys fault, cause he left his nose open!
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Joey: There’s a part in a TV movie that I would be perfect for and I didn’t even be put up for it! She’d better have a good reason.
Phoebe: No-no, thats not, thats not me Phoebe, thats her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Jill: (gasps) Thats the best one! Oh my God, (hugs him) thank you so much!
Chandler: No, the babys out! Look, look!
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Somebody knocks the door]
Ross: Okay, there are no stupid fights!! This isnt about the room, this is about what the room represents! And unfortunately, this room (Points to Rachels room) could destroy you!!
The Interviewer: So, thats it. I guess thats all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.
Joey: Listen that�s a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Somebody knocks the door]
Phoebe: (in her head) Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! Shes not your cousin!
Rachel: and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean Im really worried the babys not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Monica: Listen umm, Ive been thinking, its not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Woman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl.
Chandler: Young! Youre a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybodys ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) Theres no Anderson.
Monica: Sounds like shes got the ah, whole package.
Nurse: Hey, she just woke up! Shes hungry. Why dont we give this another try?
Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris Holy cow, thats a big word. Trisc Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?
Monica: Its okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Phoebe: Please, dont play the music. Just uh one more. LIVE FROM NEW YORK! ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!
Monica: Its almost 8 oclock, its almost past his bedtime. Where-where is he?
Chandler: They were just giving those away at the store (off Monicas look) in exchange for money.
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Rachel: Whats-whats going on? Phils really pissed!
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Ross: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I dont know, I feel like lately, I feel like youre slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and youve got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know its dumb, but I hate that Im not a part of it.
Ross: Uh thats an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta.
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Joey: No-no, I cant! I cant! Not after the other night, its just its too weird, okay? Dont tell her Im here! (Turns to run to the bathroom and his bagel falls off the plate onto the floor.) Dont eat that! (Runs to the bathroom as Rachel enters.)
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Monica: Come on Phoebe, lets go! Come on, its time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.