words in movies
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandlers not here, he always wins at this game.
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Chandler: Oh, come on! Its not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually Im pretty much just in there by myself.
Chandler: I hope you know what Im giving up for ya, because shes not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are cooking for Mrs. Gellers party.]
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Hows the hired help?
Mrs. Geller: Whats this? Blue nail polish?
Mrs. Geller: Ahh, thats what your Grandmothers hands looked like when we found her.
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, its cool if youre a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
Joey: Uhhhh. (Hes not sure)
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment, all are there.]
Ross: Im telling you its totally unconstituional.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels, theyre all there playing cards.]
[Scene: The Gellers Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
Phoebe: Thats weird.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I meant that its weird that you only have nine now.
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put (realises) Oh my God! Its in the quiche! Oh My God!
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Mrs. Geller: Its nothing, its just that now your Father owes me five dollars.
Monica: (laughs) Thats right. My Mom doesnt have any faith in me! Oh, thats hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
[Scene: Joannas office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isnt wearing any pants.]
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (Shes holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Joanna: Knowing youre here, waiting for me I think its kinda exciting.
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Rachel: Thats weird, she locked the door.
Sophie: Yknow why? Shes got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
Chandler: Hello, Joanna (Realises he doesnt know her last name) s office.
Joanna: Im in my bosss car!
[Cut to Rachels office as her intercom buzzes.]
Chandler: Okay, heres the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
Rachel: No, theres nothing to make up, shes gonna know that I have a key to her office, Ive got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
The Salesman: So, heres somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Joey: Wow! Thats pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear cause he sucked. What else you got in there?
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Joey: Spocks birth control.
[Scene: Monicas childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Monica: Oh good, Im glad thats catching on.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Rachel: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, shes very private about her office. Now I know why.
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generations Milton Berle.
[Scene: The Gellers kitchen, Phoebe is bringing in some dirty dishes.]
Phoebe: Its hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.
Joey: Wh-whats going on?
Joey: Well, its good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel is coming in for the day.]
Joanna: (from her office) Whos out there?
Rachel: Its me! Good morning!
Rachel: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didnt have poppy seed bagels, so I (Enters Joannas office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing but a slip) Oh my word!
Phoebe: Yknow thats really fair. Yknow? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, Ill show you! Come here.
Rachel: Thats great!
Phoebe: Its so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!
Monica: (comes up and starts looking through Rosss cookie supply) Ross, but me down for another box of the mint treasures, okay. Where, where are the mint treasures?
Emily: Really?! Well, thats just lovely, isnt it? I mustve missed your call, even though I didnt leave the flat all day.
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Monica: Well, its done about two minutes before it looks like that.
Chandler: No Rach, its not just you. My thirtieth birthday certainly wasnt that much fun.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: So thats two of my wives.
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Monica: Well, lets just say its not the first time youve stolen my thunder.
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey has brought in a bunch of laundry in another attempt to get his picture on the wall, but the dry cleaner isnt working right now. Instead, a beautiful woman is working.]
Chandler: Whos that?
Monica: Its not your birthday.
Chandler: 007?! This is James Bonds tux?!
Rachel: Oh thats all right! Yknow, I ended up having a really good time. Yknow, the charity was a big success and they raised a lot of money and awareness.
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Phoebe: Joeys!
Mr Zelner: That’s great. I worry about little Ross. He’s always reading, he's collecting rocks and he’s obsessed with dinosaurs.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Rachel: Horny bitch. (They both look at her, pretending that the dinosaurs shes holding are arguing.) No! Youre a horny bitch! Noooo! Youre the horny bitch! No! Youre a horny bitch!
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Monica: Oh thats too bad. Its true, but too bad.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, thats great!
Mr. Geller: Theres no way in hell, Im paying for it.
Ross: Phoebe hes right, that is the rule.
Joey: Thats a really long time.
(Shes about to get in when )
Joey: Oh yeah, thats just a little something for my huge gay fan base. (Winks at him.)
Monica: Theres still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet?
Rachel: Yeah, so lets get started on the wedding plans!
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) Thats one?
Monica: Its kind of an important one!
[Scene: The 2001 Soapie Awards, Joeys category is up next and the presenter walks to the podium.]
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Joey: Hey, whats the horsepower on this thing?
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guys going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Phoebe: Yeah, youre right. Hows the Mrs.?
Ross: Phoebe thats not true.
Ross: All right, heres the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily)
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monicas bed, what youre just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Ross: Well you shouldnt be. Believe me I wouldnt want to be the guy whos up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
Rachel: Yknow what? Thats a lot to remember, cant I just tell her youre a pig?
Male Jeweler: (to the female jeweler) Wheres the 1920s princess cut ring.
Fran: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that�s what she says. But maybe you�re not ovulating at all, maybe it�s just a clever ruse to get me into bed.
Rachel: Thats it? Well I saw that! Ohh-ohh-oh, thank you.
Phoebe: (starts to leave, but stops) Oh and Chandlers about to cry.
Monica: (starts for the door) Well theres some people who do want to marry me.
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Chandler: Whats going on?
Rachel: Its a pretty cool tux.
Monica: Oh thats so sweet.
Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, thats beautiful.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job, she is waiting for Joshua and practising how to ask him out.]
Monica: This is so great! And Im gonna be your babys aunt!
Hilda: No dear. Its not.
Chandler: Whats this?
Joey: So uh, whats your name?
Joey: Me too! Theres a game on Tuesday do you wanna go?
Monica: Its your suitcase. Were going to Las Vegas.
Joey: Thats weird!
The Fireman: Theres a reset button under the plastic cover.
Joey: Thats kinda hot.
Monica: Its so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one whos eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.
Chandler: And theres daddy!
Richard: Okay, okay, one things changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.
Phoebe: Ah-hah! At least we know its a him.
Joey: No thats not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
Chandler: Thats Mr. Girabaldi playing the piano.
Chandler: Hes coming into the audience. Hes coming into the audience.
Phoebe: Thats great Joe!
Phoebe: I think its important that you do.
Helena: So whats your name?
Helena: Its raining men!
Policeman: Thats right.
Rachel: Its a different guy!
A Male Customer: Hey, thats weird, todays my birthday too!
{Transcribers Note: There was no credits scene with this episode.}
Monica: Thats much better.
Phoebe: Why?! Whats happening to the coffee house?! (Monica looks at her.) Oh! (Realizes.)
Chandler: Whats up?
Rachel: Oh thats great!
Monica: Okay, Phoebe, y'know what? That-thats it, thats it, all right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs, okay? Theyre not the right size, theyre not Victorian, and they just dont go.
Monica: Wait! Wait! Wait! You cant start today! Todays the rehearsal dinner!
[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel walks up the stairs and knocks on Joeys door.]
Rachel: So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: All right, it wont go down any further. Its stuck.
Monica: It-its so great to see you both here.
Mrs. Geller: You could kick anyones ass you want too.
Ross: Hey, wheres Chandler?
Joey: Uh, I think hes in Rachels room. See ya. (Exits.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still deciding what to do.]
Phoebe: Okay. Well theres one down.
Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the bands ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so
Ross: Come on thats not fair! I mean you havent even heard me play!