words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
C.H.E.E.S.E: You can say that again Mac.
C.H.E.E.S.E: Oh yeah? Well then how come I cant get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
Chandler: Its your mommy. Its your mommy.
Rachel: Thats nice.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats right.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh, thats great!!
Rachel: Its the same story.
Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, its really long.
Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that hes so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.
Joey: Ill be playing Drake Remorays twin brother, Stryker!
[Scene: Rachels New Office, shes interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.]
Hilda: Thats right.
Hilda: No dear. Its not.
(Theres a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.)
Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so whatswhat iswhats your name?
Tag: Thats it. Thats my whole name.
Rachel: Thats your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well lets-lets just have a look-see here. (Looking at his resume)
Rachel: Oh come on, what are you talking about? Youve got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Fridays, come on!
Tag: Its lame, I know. But Im a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
Monica: I cant tell you. Its a secret.
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebes secret?
Monica: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebes old massage place is getting fired.
Chandler: Thats it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that?
Monica: Thats right! You lose sucker!! (Pause) Please still marry me.
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
Rachel: I love him. Hes so pretty I wanna cry! I dont know what to do. Tell me what to do.
Phoebe: Lets see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh But no! No! You cant-you cant hire him, because thatits not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.)
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Terry: Its a different building.
Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Strykers twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
Chandler: Oh its always nicer to here than, "Aw crap! You again!"
Chandler: Hey! Whats up?
Ross: (notices the table) HeyOoh! Whats-whats that, dinner stuff? You making dinner?
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
Chandler: Nancy Thompsons getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)
Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! Its not like I choose to do it! Its not likeIts not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!"
Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what youre thinking, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and youre right, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Monica: Its hard for some people!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Phoebe: You! An actor?! Thats madness!
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
Tag: Rachel Greens office. (Hangs up.)
Tag: Hi! Rachel Greens office.
Tag: Phoebe! Thats a great name.
Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that Ive ever done. But Im telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (Theres a knock on the door.) Yes?
(Kathy enters (Because shes listed in the credits).)
Kathy: Cute assistant! Whats his story? Is he
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Nurse #1: This poor guys been in a coma for five years. Its hopeless.
Nurse #2: Its not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remorays a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.
(Stryker enters, only its not Joey playing him.)
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
Chandler: Yeah that was stupid. Lets not do that.
[Scene: Rachels office, shes looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.]
Rachel: Well yeah, sure, whats up?
Rachel: Whys that?
Rachel: (Pause) Yeah, shes gay.
Monica: (entering) Did I miss it? (Phoebe nods no.) Rachel, I-I want you to know that, if its positive, were gonna
Phoebe: I am soo dead. (goes to Monicas room)
Rachel: Oh, I mean shes gonna be at the wedding waiting for him and people will be whispering, "Oh that poor girl." Yknow? Then shell have to come back here and live all alone.
[The next one is from Episode 722: The One With Chandlers Dad.]
Cecilia: Im supposed to meet and hug a fan whose dying, but thats not supposed to be until (to no one in particular) later!
Mr. Geller: Ok, I have dandruff. Theres no need to laugh and point.
Aunt Lisa: So, hows married life treating you?
Monica: (runs over to her) I tried to reach you at work. Theres....been a fire.
Monica: Great! Were hangin in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Lets stay in the kitchen!
Joey: Look, Ross, really its-its no big deal. Yknow you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we cant be friends at work, then so be it. Yknow, hey I understand. Yknow? Hey, when Im in a play and youre in the audience, I dont talk to you, right? So its yknow, its uh, its cool. Ill see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
Monica: Lets take a walk. (They start to leave.) Yknow maybe you should consider writing for Talking Out of Your Ass magazine! (They exit.)
Rachel: So whats the final head count on my baby shower?
Phoebe: I know. I know, whats her number?
(Theres a knock on door, and Phoebe opens it.)
Phoebe: No, thats not necessary.
Chandler: Thats great.
Chandler: Look, I appreciate it, but uh, its a little creepy. Yknow? Im not a bachelor anymore.
Rachel: Honey, its so sweet that you want me to stay, but I-I cant do that to you. I mean it would disrupt your entire life.
Trudie Styler: Oh Im sorry, Jacks father is not available.
Ross: Oh, you have to call the police! Thats what I did to the kids in my building!
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
Monica: Shes still mad.
Rachel: No-no, its really not huge.
Doug: BingWhats this?! (Grabs his hand.)
(Theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)
Phoebe: How about you less important people, lets open your presents!
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think hes bored.
Woman: Its a diaper genie.
Woman: Its actually a bassinet.
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Rachel: No. Shes going to live with us for eight weeks.
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: Its not looking good.
Phoebe: No, its positive.
Mrs. Green: Oh no-no-no-no sweetheart, you stay put. Ill let myself out. Its like Im not here, which I almost wasnt.
Ross: Okay lets put aside that you (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (Does it again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
Phoebe: Its just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasnt called. Not that I even care, y'know.
Rachel: Yeah but yknow what they say Mon, "Theres no such thing as bad press."
Chandler: Thats what I do now.
Rachel: (to everybody) All right, let’s get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.
Phoebe: What the smell from Joeys? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
Ross: Thats my gym.
Tag: (entering) Yeah? (She holds up the folder) You found them!! (Rachel is not amused, because shes still going to try to blame him for her mistake like every good boss.) Yknow what? Im not even going to gloat. Im just really relived this whole thing is over.
Monica: (entering quickly) Shes a hooker! Shes a hooker! Shes a (Stops as she sees her.) Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the hookers hand.)
The Cooking Teacher: Thats very good, whats your name?
Phoebe: Okay I cant let you do this! Shes lying to you.
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like shes actually doing the dishes.]
Monica: Thats right.
The Cooking Teacher: Okay. Lets move on.
Phoebe: Oh! Its okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.
(The teacher goes to Joeys station.)
Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebes. Why were you even watching it?
Rachel: Ohh! (walking away from the window) Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, hes gonna marry her, and this is all your fault.
The Interviewer: So lets talk a little bit about your duties.
Ross: Oh Rach thats great. Thats great. (They hug and Joey breathes a sigh of relief.)
Monica: Its the salts.
Ross: Whats uh, whats going on? Do you not, do you not like Katie?
Ross: Okay, so whats the matter?
Joey: Well, theres gonna be strippers there. He didnt say anything about no strippers.
Chandler: Well its very unsettling.
Monica: Do you guys know what happened to Chandlers barca lounger?
Phoebe: Oh look its Parker!
Joey: Rach, its, its ah, its not that we dont want to, really. (quietly) Are we talking models in their underwear?
Chandler: Hes not snoozing, hes teaching a class.
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
Monica: Oh look, the pool tables free. Rack em up. Ill be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
The Instructor: Okay ladies, that ends todays class, and lets remember, lets be safe out there.
Chandler: So, hows the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
Monica: Shes over a week late! She gotta have it today, right?
Chandler: Its just so glamorous.
Monica: Chandler theres nothing wrong with crying! I mean you dont have to be so macho all the time.
Phoebe: Its interesting that you lost. Now, I forget, do you like to lose?
Joey: Thats not gonna happen. No. (Looks up) Because we have a new deal!
Monica: Shes in the bathroom.
Rachel: (entering) All right, all right. Lets go!
Monica: You know thats nice, y'know we could put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon!
{Transcribers Note: This is where Part II begins, which means this is now episode 616.}
Phoebe: Thats it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we werent!" What happened to you two?!
Joey: (announcer voice to the camera) Lets play Bamboozled!
Dr. Long: Okay, theres an herbal tea you can drink.
Ross: Its sex.
Rachel: Ross, whats the big deal? So I kissed the guy!
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Elizabeth: Just hearing you describe it as forbidden, its really hot.
The Director: (returning) Okay, Im afraid to say this, but lets pick it up where we left off.
Joey: Hey! Look, if it didnt work its because you didnt tell it right! Show me how you did it.
Ross: Thanks. (When shes gone he collapses into Joey.) I-I think Im dying. I really do.
Phoebe: So, he a little enthusiastic, whats wrong with that?
Joey: Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Lets hear their plan! Now, whats the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Rachel: Thats so sweet.
Ross: Its funny you should mention diapers.
Monica: Thats it! Right there! Is all I wanted!
Joey: Yeah, but its not a big deal.
Don: Thats exactly what I said. Phoebe, isnt that strange.
Ross: Okay, whats up?
Ross: Oh come on! Thats-thats true.
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey. Whos that?
Joey: God. Hes crazy! Why doesnt he want to be with Rachel?