words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
C.H.E.E.S.E: You can say that again Mac.
C.H.E.E.S.E: Oh yeah? Well then how come I cant get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
Chandler: Its your mommy. Its your mommy.
Rachel: Thats nice.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats right.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh, thats great!!
Rachel: Its the same story.
Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, its really long.
Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that hes so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.
Joey: Ill be playing Drake Remorays twin brother, Stryker!
[Scene: Rachels New Office, shes interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.]
Hilda: Thats right.
Hilda: No dear. Its not.
(Theres a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.)
Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so whatswhat iswhats your name?
Tag: Thats it. Thats my whole name.
Rachel: Thats your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well lets-lets just have a look-see here. (Looking at his resume)
Rachel: Oh come on, what are you talking about? Youve got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Fridays, come on!
Tag: Its lame, I know. But Im a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
Monica: I cant tell you. Its a secret.
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebes secret?
Monica: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebes old massage place is getting fired.
Chandler: Thats it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that?
Monica: Thats right! You lose sucker!! (Pause) Please still marry me.
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
Rachel: I love him. Hes so pretty I wanna cry! I dont know what to do. Tell me what to do.
Phoebe: Lets see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh But no! No! You cant-you cant hire him, because thatits not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.)
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Terry: Its a different building.
Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Strykers twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
Chandler: Oh its always nicer to here than, "Aw crap! You again!"
Chandler: Hey! Whats up?
Ross: (notices the table) HeyOoh! Whats-whats that, dinner stuff? You making dinner?
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
Chandler: Nancy Thompsons getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)
Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! Its not like I choose to do it! Its not likeIts not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!"
Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what youre thinking, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and youre right, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Monica: Its hard for some people!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Phoebe: You! An actor?! Thats madness!
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
Tag: Rachel Greens office. (Hangs up.)
Tag: Hi! Rachel Greens office.
Tag: Phoebe! Thats a great name.
Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that Ive ever done. But Im telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (Theres a knock on the door.) Yes?
(Kathy enters (Because shes listed in the credits).)
Kathy: Cute assistant! Whats his story? Is he
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Nurse #1: This poor guys been in a coma for five years. Its hopeless.
Nurse #2: Its not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remorays a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.
(Stryker enters, only its not Joey playing him.)
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
Chandler: Yeah that was stupid. Lets not do that.
[Scene: Rachels office, shes looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.]
Rachel: Well yeah, sure, whats up?
Rachel: Whys that?
Rachel: (Pause) Yeah, shes gay.
Chandler: Oh yeah! Okay, lets play again. (He deals out two cards each again.) What do you got?
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Monica: Hey Pheebs, hows it going?
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
Ursula: Yeah, its a fine line huh?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Phoebe: Thats the same month as Halloween. So, um, what kinda things do you like to do at home?
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandlers.]
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Joshua: Hey, heres an idea. Why dont uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
Joey: Well, I think its ridiculous that you havent had sex in three and a half months.
Joey: Yeah! You did! And thats why Im leaving.
Jill: Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know were not supposed to see each other anymore and Im okay with that, its just that I dont know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.
Monica: I cant do it! (Ross falls into Monicas room)
Phoebe: Well, I think I broke it. But thats all right, heres the number you can call.
Chandler: Oh yknow, Ive been living here a while and Ive never seen whats inside that closet. What is, what is in there?
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Doug: Bing my boy, were gonna get you over this. Now heres the plan, grab your coat, were going to a strip club.
Monica: Rosss apartment is nice! How come we don't hang out here more often?
(Treeger leaves, and Joeys dances off.)
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, thats the word I use when I cant remember the real thing.
[Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandlers hair.]
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, theres a knock on the door and he opens it to Mona.]
Monica: Its coming from the living room.
Don: Oh, hello. (Shakes Chandlers hand.) Hello. (Shakes Monicas hand.)
Ticket Agent: (looking at her computer terminal) Theres one leaving in thirty minutes.
Rachel: Oh! Its you. (She stops doing the dishes.) Hi.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
Joanna: (from her office) Whos out there?
Monica: Come on! Come on, if we have sex again itll double our chances of getting pregnant. Do you think that closets still available?
Chandler: Honey, its not the bath I enjoy, its the wet, naked lady.
Monica: (sympathetic) Oh. (in a pirates voice) So you made her walk the plank? Aye, matie?
Monica: No, its not bad. Its not bad at all. Its-its really nice.
Joey: Im sorry but weve got to get rid of all this girlie stuff in here. I, uh, I got to be a man! Okay. The living room has to remain a guy place, okay? Thats just the way it has to be.
Ross: No, I cant. I would, I really would, but my son is here; I cant leave him. Isntyou dont think theres any way?
Joey: Forget about it. Its no big deal.
Ross: Pheebs, if you dont tell him, soon hes gonna be married, and then youre gonna hate yourself.
(Theres applause as Helena turns around and its Kathleen Turner.)
Ross: Its no surprise that your winning, cause you got to pick first, so you got the better team.
Emily: Well thats ambitious.
Rachel: Oh, little Xs! Great! That makes up for everything!
Rachel: All right, cut, lets pick again, pick again.
Rachel: Yeah, honey, maybe you can talk to somebody whos had a baby. Like your mom?
Phoebe: Its hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.
Ross: Hey! Hey! Come on! You can! I know you can do this! Lets go!
Monica: You went to one where you were popular, and you got to ride off Chips motorcycle, and wear his letterman jacket. I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made.
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
Phoebe: (running after her) Rach, its gonna be okay! (To Ross and Joey) You guys are the best!
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Chandler: Cheese, its smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.
Rachel: Yes! Shes gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnt happy.)
Rachel: Theres not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.
Chandler: Oh, well, ah... maybe thats because theyre ah... jealous, of us.
Chandler: Okay, lets play! The big game, Italy vs. China, apparently.
Monica: Good? Didn�t you hear them...I was great! Thank you so much for making me do this. That�s is the best gift ever.
Mr. Kaplan: Well, dont think I havent noticed your potential. Well, Ive got a project for you thats a lot more related to fashion. How does that sound?
Phoebe: I know! Monicas gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new?
Conan: I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes theres just a word that someone has to say that youll get hung up on. And itll justthe way you say the word is funny to everybody else.
[Scene: Mrs. Verhoevens Apartment, Ross is back to inquire about the elder Verhoevens health or lack there of.]
Ross: Cause I know what youre trying to pull here. Okay? Its not gonna work.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is reading Joeys interview.]
Monica: All right, sorry. (Goes back to Rachels room.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is looking for a new name in Phoebes book of names.]
[Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
Rachel: Aw honey stop! Its not that bad.
(Theres a knock on the door and Rachel opens it to a little girl.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Everyone is helping clean the table.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys hotel room. Chandler is watching TV as Joey returns, still wearing his hat.]
Guy: Its-its-its almost dead!
Mrs. Green: Thats true. You do have another child.
Joey: All right, lets get me back up there! (Holds out his picture.)
Ross: He is my girlfriends father, okay? Its-its, its weird!
Chandler: Its not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Ross: Its been six months! Im always hot!
Phoebe: Uh, well I can tell you why. Its, its because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?
Rachel: Wow, thats great Ross, Im sorry we werent more supportive before.
Chandler: Thats weird. I dont think my boss likes me either.
Tag: Oh, its crazy about Rachel huh?
Cecilia: No! Its because that way the camera only sees her! (She takes her hands off his face.) Do you wanna try it?
Rachel: Phoebe, I mean, you do know hes married?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are playing with a Ouija board, Phoebes beeper goes off and Monica screams.]
Mona's Date: Oh, its okay.
Ross: Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, "I loved Dr. Gellers class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!"
Ross: Its okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is getting Rachels muffin.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Rachel: Im not! Were having a girl! Sometimes I cant believe its with youBut still! Were having a girl!
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Monica: Ohh, sweetie! (Goes to comfort her.) Hey, I bet you anything that hes gonna call you again.
Ross: Maybe I should open a divorced mens club.
Parker: Its a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst
Rachel: Im sorry. Im sorry. Its just Its just so sad!
Joey: Its still a tiny bit on fire there.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink.]
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
Phoebe: Yeah, I really do! Yes, but, after I dumped on the way he was gonna propose to me, I don’t think he’s ever gonna ask again! I mean, I said no in Barbados and now this!
Joey: So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, thats nice!