words in movies
Joey: YeahHey, dont worry, shes a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that Im not looking for a serious relationship; thatd be great.
Rachel: Yknow what? Thats a lot to remember, cant I just tell her youre a pig?
Joeys Date: Hi!
Joeys Date: Sorry about that, but I couldnt get that lock to work on the door.
Joeys Date: You must be Rachel, Im Erin.
[Scene: N.Y.Us University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]
Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, yknow-yknow for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! Its here! Yeah, its right-its right down here! In the biggest library in the university! (They start heading that way, towards a secluded section behind the racks.)
Chandler: Wow thats actually pretty cool.
Ross: (stopping quickly) Oh umm, theres also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. (They both laugh, but stop when the hear moaning coming from the next aisle.) What is that?
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is cooking as a waitress enters carrying a plate of food that has been sent back.]
The Waitress: She says its to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers just after Monica has finished telling Chandler what happened.]
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Chandler: What do you think shes just gonna sit there quietly? You dont think shes gonna want to make a toast? You dont think shes gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?!
Monica: Oh my God, shes not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?!
Chandler: Yknow what? Its gonna be okay. Yknow what? Shes probably not gonna even want to come.
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Joey: Hey-hey, whos your friend? (Erin turns around to face Joey, startling him) Hey!!
Joey: Why wouldnt ya? Erin is great! Then-then theres you guys.
Phoebe: Joey, shes so cool. She speaks four languages.
Rachel: Look Joey, come on shes so perfect for you! I mean shes sweet, she-she likes baseball, and she-she had two beers at lunch.
Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, shes a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I justI dont see it going anywhere.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Ross: Great! Because people kept showing up, I think its like uh-a thing!
Rachel: Well now whats the rush?
Rachel: Well look whos here!
Erin: Whats wrong?
Joey: Whos birthday party?
Phoebe and Rachel: Allisons birthday party.
Phoebe and Rachel: 32. (Joeys not buying it.)
Joey: Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well thats a
Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? Its been three hours.
Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, its going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! Were not even sure why were having it.
Monica: Its actually going to be just family.
Rachel: So hows it goin with Joey?
Erin: Look, hes a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just dont see this having a future.
Erin: Im sorry I Its just theres no real spark.
Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that youre a real (She says something in Italian, and it doesnt matter what she said. Its not important so I dont need everyone who speaks Italian telling me what she said.)
Erin: Yeah, lets go.
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]
Ross: Oh-oh, youre-youre fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stocks musings on the Smiledon Californicus?
Ross: Ah Ah Get out of here! (The couple retreats. Ross starts looking through the previously mentioned book as a beautiful woman walks into the section.) Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marions views on evolution?
Woman: Uh, actually I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Ross: I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Woman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? Its uhWait! (Grabs his book off of the shelf.) Did you write this?
Joey: No-no-no-no-no! Its a surprise, but its gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.
Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, shes not lookin for a serious relationship.
Rachel: Well, she told me. She said shes kinda a loner.
Joey: No hey Rach, its cool okay? Yknow Im a loner too! (Heads for his room.) Right?
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Janice: Please, its because otherwise I really dont know what I might do.
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is on patrol and stops a security guard through the stack of books.]
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
Joey: (thinking) Hey, its your girlfriend, Rachel!
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
[Two guys walk over and interrupt her. Theyre both names youve already heard. Ones Billy Crystal. Yes, that Billy Crystal from City Slickers. The other one is Robin Williams. Yes, that Robin Williams from Mrs. Doubtfire.]
Joey: Its not on my head.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Eric: I think well be okay. Besides its so perfect and (whispering) shes been saving herself for me.
Ross: Nothing! Theres nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-shed have to uh, move here. She should move here!
Joey: Are you kidding? I love that guy! (Starts singing) Mornings here! Morning is here
Monica: Im fine! I just, Im thinking how much its an end of era.
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
Joey: So I guess its Joey then!
Rachel: (sympathetic) Oh. (Starts rubbing his wrist with her fingers.) Its gotta be rough.
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think its okay to be that guy.
Chandler: Santa pants. (Phoebe still doesnt get it.) Santa Clauss pants.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, I dont know. I mean its not like we dont have anything in common. I mean I like uh, pizza.
Chandler: Oh well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I cant believe that you would have a thirty-year-old daughter! (To Mr. Geller) And you! I cant believe that you would have a tux thats thirty years old! (Puts his hand on Mr. Gellers shoulder.)
Ross: No, no, that-that, thats all right. Umm, Im just glad you called.
Chandler: To her face? Look its the end of the date, Im standing there, I know all shes waiting for is for me to say Ill call her and its just y'know, comes out. I cant help it, its a compulsion.
Monica: Yeah, two hours, a lifetime thats the same.
Monica: Excuse me? He doesnt even know what hes doing!
Monica: How did you know that?! (Runs to yell at Joeys apartment.) Joey! Chandler!! Its time!
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!
Mrs. Potter: Mr. Simons been waiting for(sees Phoebe and Rick) Oh my God!
Phoebe: W-wI justits thatI haveyknow I have-I have an appointment. And its very important.
Joey: Weekend at Bernie’s.
Phoebe: No..umm, could I talk to one of them? Its very very important.
Rachel: Oh, its gonna be fine.
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie its hopeless, okay, Im just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Ross: Well, Chandlers my oldest friend, but Joeys myNo! Ah! (points at Rachel)
Ross: (handing Mona the present) Happy Valentines Day! Or something to remember me by.
Jester: Look, its like I told you, theres nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, its late at night, Rachel is sitting on the couch in the dark wide-awake as Ross walks to the bathroom.]
Older Scientist: Dr. Geller, theres a seat over here. (Motions to an empty chair at the white table.)
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you dont know what they are, but shes fine.
Joey: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jos manuscript. I dont see how he could ever forgive her.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Susan: Oh, hes fine. Hes fine. Its just that us getting along is difficult for him, because he doesnt like me.
Joey: What-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Ross: No, Im serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if shes not where you are, then you can start to move past this.
Phoebe Sr: I really dont think its a very good idea, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Happy thirtieth birthday! Here! (Hands her the hippity-hop.) Its for the child in you, and the woman. Happy thirtieth!
Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emilys wedding dress into Rachels room.)
Monica: Very good, (getting up and sliding a One into the dancers hot pants) so good.
Chandler: Whats wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? (Everyone stares at him.) On a barbecue chicken pizza? (Still theres staring.) No?
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.
Chandler: Well, either that or uh (Motions towards Joeys door.)
Ross: Thats, thats, thats a big candy bar. (Shes holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
Fran: Think she got fired at Riffs?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because its a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Phoebe: No-no, oh, Im fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brothers throat!
Phoebe: Eww! Oh, its all dirty. You should throw this out.
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
The Vendor: Hes just jealous. Youll fit right in; all Londoners wear them!
Joey: Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parkers a nice guy and Id like to get to know him.
Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentines Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that thats never going to happen!
Ross: Yknow, its interesting! Most people think thats made with seawater, when in fact
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebes pulling in.]
Monica: We are going to Dick Clarks New Years Rocking Eve!
Jill: All right, Im leaving! Because Im not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. Thats you Rachel!
Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "Hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)
Joey: Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! Theres a lot of theories that didnt pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.
Monica: How are we gonna do that? Theres no way.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Joey: No! Forget it! OkayI mean thanks, but Im done taking money from you. All right, I can take of myself. Now, whats next? Come on.
Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Ninas shapely departure) Shes still here.
Monica: Oh, thats great! I mean Im-Im sorry, but Im so happy for you. And now I can work for you!
Joey: Oh well, hey, Joeys loveable too! But the thing about Joey is, if you need him, hell be there.
(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Monica: I know its last minute, but we decided to have a Halloween party.
Courtney: Its amazing like all week long weve-weve been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then youll get nervous because youllyou know youll probably mess up again.
Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, its just not my character thats not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
Rachel: Oh Im sorry mummys so sorry go back to sleep go back to sleep. Shh. Shhh! Go back to sleep
(Joeys shocked and everyone else looks at Rachel.)
Phoebe: They give you away! Theres just-theres just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Hooker: Whats taking you boys so long?
Phoebe: No! Its nice!
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, its a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Phoebe: Its me. Its Phoebe. Listen theres something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?
Joey: Thats it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
Ross: Well, yeah. I cant-I cant stay here all night, and if I go in there shes-shes gonna wanna... do stuff.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
Joey: (trying to act like hes not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
Joey: Oh thats okay. Hey, actually in a way its kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours!
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
Rachel: (ecstatic) Oh my God! Its Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
(Chandler leans over to fall asleep on the mans shoulder next to him, only the man catches his attempt.)
Rachel: Yeah, but Mon thats totally different. He was youre health teacher.