words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table eating cheesecake. The box it came in is also on the table.]
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, its just not my character thats not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
Chandler: Oh, whats at 8:00?
Ross: Cousin Frannies wedding, its tomorrow night.
Chandler: Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannies made some new friends.
Ross: Well l-look okay, its probably just a mistake. Let me call Aunt Sheryl okay? Maybe you are invited and the invitation just got lost in the mail.
Rachel: Umm, I think hes still out. Whats wrong?
Phoebe: Oh thats a nickname we were trying out.
Phoebe: Oh! Heres Joseph Francis!
Ross: Phoebe hes right, that is the rule.
Rachel: So just bring it back downstairs, whats the problem?
Rachel: Mommas Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois. (They exit with the cheesecake.)
Monica: Joey, that papers like a year old!
Joey: Aw! Does that mean the Sam Goodys sale is over?!
Ross: So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasnt a mistake. Ahh, theres-theres limited seating in the hall.
Monica: (disgusted) Limited seating! Oh, that is such a lame excuse! Thats not the reason shes not inviting me!
Ross: Oh whats the big deal?! I wasnt even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And-and yknow what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then well-well leave early as a sign of protest.
Ross: Yeah, Joan Tedeski my date. Shes an assistant professor in the Linguistics department. Tall, very beautiful, and despite what some people say, not broad backed!
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Rosss behalf. I-I think the rule applies here yknow, since she has a chance to get on broad back
Ross: BecDid you not hear me?! Shes an assistant professor in the Linguistics department, okay? Theyre wild! Why do you want to come anyway?
Monica: Because! Shes my cousin. I mean, we grew up together! Were family yknow? Well thats important to me.
Joey: Aww thats nice. Family should be there, huh? This is her wedding, happiest day of her life.
[Scene: The Lobby of Chandler and Rachels building, Chandler and Rachel are returning from lunch.]
Phoebe: (gasps) (whispering) Oh my God! Thats David!
Phoebe: Oh, you say someones name enough, they turn around.
David: I mean, theres a statue in Minsk
David: That reminds me of you so much, I mean umm, it-its actually of Lenin. But, yknow at certain angles
Phoebe: No he wont. And thats not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now yknow what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I dont have my principles, I dont have anything!
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
Chandler: Thats what Monica said.
Joey: After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think shes trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!
[Scene: Cousin Frannies Wedding Reception, Monica and Ross are entering and finding their table.]
Monica: Limited seating my ass. Lets see who made the cut. (To the couple sitting to her right.) Hi!
Phoebe: Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and waters fine.
The Waiter: Its uh, its already been roasted.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, weve heard the specials three times! Okay? Theres prime rib, mahi mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli. (She grabs his menu and hands it to the waiter.)
The Waiter: Actually were out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joeys menu under his arm.)
Joey: Whats the rush? What?
Phoebe: W-wI justits thatI haveyknow I have-I have an appointment. And its very important.
Phoebe: Well Its a date.
Joey: No, Im gonna!! Thats right! Yeah, you made me feel really guilty about goin out with that girl! Like-like-like I did something terrible to you! And now Pheebs, youre doing the same thing!
Phoebe: ThatIts not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, hes very special to me.
Phoebe: Okay, whatever. Yknow what? I dont have time have time to convince you because hes only here for four hours, and Im gonna go see him! (Gets up and leaves.)
[Cut to Chandler and Monicas as they enter.]
Chandler: Well thats not fair, youve already had some!
Chandler: (examining the cake) Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh Theres more crust on this side. Yknow? So, maybe if I measured
Rachel: Thats also the smaller piece. (Puts the piece onto a plate.) Okay, there you go. Enjoy your half my friend, but that is it. No sharing. No switching, and dont come crying to me if you eat your piece to fast. (As shes saying that she is backing out the door, when she finishes she turns around to return to her place, stumbles and drops the cheesecake on the floor.) Oh!!!!
[Scene: Cousin Frannies Wedding Reception, Monica and Ross are sitting at the table, alone as a woman approaches.]
Ross: Yes, yes it is. Its uh (Aunt Millie uses this opportunity to grab Ross and kiss him on the lips. After she leaves Ross quickly wipes his mouth with a napkin.) Every time on the lips! Why?! Why on lips?!
Monica: Heres Frannie. Hmm, wont she be happy to see me? (Starts to get up and great Frannie.)
Ross: That bitch! (He gets up and they go over to ambush Frannie. Monica taps on Frannies shoulder.)
Monica: You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me?! Why?! WhatWhy wouldnt you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done?! (Frannies husband walks up.) Stuart!
Ross: So its really a question of who could you have possibly done.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, David has a cab waiting to take him to the airport and hes saying goodbye to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Are you sure? Ill bet theres another flight to Minsk in like
Phoebe: Thats really beautiful. What does it mean?
Phoebe: Thats good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.
Phoebe: (seeing him) Okay, nows not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow.
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
[Scene: Cousin Frannies Wedding Reception, Ross and Monica are at the door and about to leave.]
Ross: Why?! Why on the lips?! (He wipes his mouth on Monicas wrap and walks off, leaving Aunt Millie stunned.)
(They both go to Chandlers bedroom to get his coat.)
Tim: Wow! Umm, okay. Umm (To Phoebe) I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, its only because I think youre so amazing. (To Monica) And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because Iyoure the most talented chef Ive ever worked for. Anyway (Starts to leave and Phoebe and Monica trade looks.)
Joey: Hey listen, so whens-whens my audition? I mean I know its Thursday, but what time?
[Scene: Rachels New Office, shes interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.]
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and Joanna are returning from their lunch date. He is telling her about her mascara problem. Rachel is already there.]
Phoebe: No! (Rosss phone rings.)
Monica: No I dont know Chandler! Not anymore! Its like its like somethings changed.
(They start to go into Monica and Rachels, their apartment is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joeys work.)
Ross: So its looks like were the first ones here.
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someones eye out!
Joey: Yes, but in Drake Remorays body. (Ross laughs unbelievably.) Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist!
Joey: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, its gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?
Monica: Oh, thank you! (The gang exhibits signs of quiet apprehension and wears knowing glances.) (Monica giggles.) Whats going on?
Phoebe: Well, all right. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high, thats pretty amazing too.
Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so whatswhat iswhats your name?
Rachel: Oh is it?! (She answers the cute guys phone.) Uhh, hello? (On her phone) Yes hi, is Rachel there? (On the other phone) Yes she is, just one moment please. (To Phoebe, holding out both phones.) Its for me!
Rachel: Wh(Turns and looks at the gang whos staring)Why dont I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Dr. Schiff: So, hows it going?
Rachel: Ohh, its Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So What are you gonna do?
Monica: Oh, come on its my wedding! That can be my present.
Ginger: Ah well, its nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, Ill see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
Tall Guy: No, no. Shes fair game if you ask me, sorry buddy!
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
Rachel: Oh Ah! (Sees a big stuffed gorilla) Oh my gosh theres something every mother needs, a giant stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment! What are people think (Reads the card) Oh you guys I love it.
Phoebe: Oh thats all right. Im still full from your homemade potato chips.
Rachel: Okay Ross come on lets just forget about the condoms.
Rachel: Aw, its unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, shes like umm oh whos that kind of annoying girl soccer player?
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
[Scene: Lara and Jenis Massage, Phoebe is interviewing for a job.]
Rachel: I know, its sick.
Monica: Okay, does it involve something to do with Petes computer company?
Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides its getting darker and more painful, that means its healing.
Rachel: Umm, well lets see uh, this one is Tom Brokaw.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joeys chest.)
Ross: (grabbing the wheel) What-what are you doing?! Are youOkay thats not funny! Just stop horsing around!
[Cut to the hallway outside the room, Ross is going to see which table hes at and sees a beautiful woman doing the same thing.]
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Chandler: Okay so you mean no as in, "Gee Chandler, what an interesting idea. Lets discuss it before we reject it completely."
Joey: Wh-wh-whats going on? Wh-whats this about L.A.?
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Ross: WhatYoure not serious. I mean shes a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. Shell drive us totally crazy.
Joey: Oh, its Rosss bachelor party.
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didnt kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. Its, its, its just ah, a coincidence.
Joshua: Its this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
Ross: Oh, yeah, no problems. Its all taken care of.
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New Yorks bravest breakdown Monica and Chandlers door with an ax.]
Lewis: No hes not! Hes totally yanking your chain! Hes done this with three other teachers!
Joey: Theres this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, yknow? Ccause were really good friends.
Gunther: Okay, but the moneys good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because its gettin cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, shell fold down the pages of the things she thinks that Id like.
Monica: Sorry, lets go back! Cause youve got more to say.
Rachel: Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! Theres some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.
Chandler: Hey Rach! (She breaks up and goes back into Monicas.)
Chandler: Look, its my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you.
(Joey hugs Rosss neck and has a look of complete contentment on his face which, after a short while, causes David and Matt to start laughing.)
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Monica: I know, but now we have this second one and it just, it feels like its snowballing, yknow?
Joey: (on phone) Well, so anyway Beth, what Im saying is I shouldve considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. Ive ah, Ive recently learned whats it like to be on your side of it, and Im sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? (listens) Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. (He sits down and crosses out something, and dials the phone again.) Hello, Jennifer? (listens) Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? (listens) Oh, shes not home huh? (listens) Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Emma continues to cry.]
Eric: Oh, I have a friend whos a cop and he got it for me.
Monica: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentines Day (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, its about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those arent stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
Written by: Michael Curtis and Gregory S. Malins Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast its ridiculous! I mean, theyre gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what theyve done and theyre call the whole thing off. Im telling ya, youre gonna be dancing at my wedding before youre dancing at theres.
Joey: Its no big deal. Hey, yknow, you do what you gotta do. Right?
Phoebe: Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. Thats good right?
Joey: No way! Its mine!!
Chandler: No! Look, I dont cry! Its not a big deal! Okay?!
Elizabeth: Yknow what daddy? If you dont like Ross, thats fine. It doesnt matter to me, Im gonna go out with him anyway.
Ross: Well, it turns out that she is going to Daytona for spring break woo-hoo. That means, that means wet T-shirt contests, guys doing shots off of girls bodies, waking up next to people you dont even know
Joey: Hes doin some thinkin!
Chandler: Nancy Thompsons getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)
Agency guy: (to Erica) Well, then if there’s nothing else, then the two of us should talk.
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
(They all laugh indifferently, except Chandler, whos a little angry.)
Rachel: Oh my God! Thats so great! Im so happy for you guys!
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Rachel: Oh I dont know honey. Its gonna be really late.
Joey's Co-Star: We would, but when we went to exhume Jessicas body, it was gone.
Phoebe Sr: Its open! Come in!
Ross: (while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! Its okay. (Rachel stops.) Its okay. Hey, its too weird for you, I wont see her again.
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, makes blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
Joey: Oh my God! Thats huge! (Hugs him.) Wait a minute, why come I wasnt invited? And who was going to be your best man? Dont say, "Ross." Do not say, "Ross."
Chandler: So? What? What? Theyre gone! Monicas gonna freak!
Joey: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Yknow? The only problem is, Carls acting is (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)
Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, theyre gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, lets get the camera rolling.
Ross: Oh, no, Mom, its just Monica this year.
Ross: (interrupting him) YeahNo-but-but-but-but! Were just gonna go home and take a shower. Now, thats not scary right?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, could you please not put your feet up on my new (On Rachels glare) old sheet?
Phoebe: Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. (He hands it to her and Phoebe poses in front of one of those small mirrors.) Somethings missing. Its not Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out.
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I dont know anything about technology! I cant even use Chandlers computer except to find porn! And-and thats only cause its right there when you turn it on!
Rachel: Huh. Well, uh, thats uh, thats interesting. (She goes over and retrieves her note.)
Chandler: Oh thats so funny because we found someone too.
Joey: Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if shes anything like me, shes just gonna be relieved.
Rachel: Yeah, love. Its a tricky business isnt it?
Joey: Hey, thats never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Phoebe: No! Look-look! Theres the coffee table they stole from us!