words in movies
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
SUSAN: [clears her throat]
CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.
SUSAN: The other us.
SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
CAROL: And then Susan and I got in this big fight because I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us, and if I couldn't see that, then maybe we should call off the wedding. I don't know what to do.
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
MINISTER: You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
SUSAN: How you doin'?
SUSAN: You did a good thing today.
SUSAN: You wanna dance?
SUSAN: Come on. I'll let you lead.
Susan: Like lovers.
Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Susan: Uh huh.
Susan: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
CAROL: [enters with Susan] Hello
SUSAN: Hey.
Susan: This should be fun.
SUSAN: What?
SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want.
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!
Susan: Oh, is he hungry already?
CAROL and SUSAN: Great. That would be fine.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
CAROL and SUSAN: We love you. Buy.
CAROL and SUSAN: Hello.
SUSAN: Oh shout, that would have been fun.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Susan: Carol, not me.
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
Susan: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Susan: Your son.
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Susan: It's my baby too.
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
Susan: Hey!
Susan: Ahh!
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Susan: I like Ben.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
(Susan and Emily get off.)
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Susan: Oh yeah, Im so excited, Ive never been there.
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.