words in movies
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Susan: Your son.
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Susan: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Susan: It's my baby too.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
Susan: Ahh!
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
Susan: Hey!
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Susan: I like Ben.
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
(Susan and Emily get off.)
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Susan: Oh yeah, Im so excited, Ive never been there.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Susan: (To Emily) Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.
Susan: Hey, its so nice to finally meet you!
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
(Ross accidentally, on purpose, bumps into Susan.)
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Susan: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, into her ice cream.]
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)