words in movies
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Susan: Like lovers.
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Susan: Carol, not me.
Susan: But were fine.
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. Ill get the information.
Susan: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy?
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.
Susan: I will flip you for it.
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Susan: What is, honey?
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
Susan: I know its frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when its over, were all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
CAROL and SUSAN: We love you. Buy.
CAROL and SUSAN: Hello.
SUSAN: Oh shout, that would have been fun.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
SUSAN: The other us.
SUSAN: [clears her throat]
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
SUSAN: You wanna dance?
SUSAN: How you doin'?
SUSAN: You did a good thing today.
SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Susan: Your son.
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Susan: It's my baby too.
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
Susan: Ahh!
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Susan: Hey!
Susan: I like Ben.
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
(Susan and Emily get off.)
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Susan: Oh yeah, Im so excited, Ive never been there.
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
(Ross accidentally, on purpose, bumps into Susan.)
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
Susan: Hey, its so nice to finally meet you!
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Susan: (To Emily) Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
Susan: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.