words in movies
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Ross: ....right? Right? I mean its pretty unbelievable y'know, I mean they just took off, took off without even looking back. Y'know I dont, I dont need them, huh, Ive got you guys now as friends, you and Susan.
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Susan: Your son.
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Susan: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Susan: Hey!
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Susan: It's my baby too.
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Susan: Ahh!
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Susan: I like Ben.
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
(Susan and Emily get off.)
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Susan: Oh yeah, Im so excited, Ive never been there.
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Susan: (To Emily) Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
(Ross accidentally, on purpose, bumps into Susan.)
Susan: Hey, its so nice to finally meet you!
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesnt really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think its gonna make a difference
Susan: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.