words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Susan: Oh, is he hungry already?
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Susan: Oh, I got that for him.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Susan: This should be fun.
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
Susan: Uh huh.
Susan: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
Susan: It's my baby too.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Susan: Ahh!
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
Susan: Hey!
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Susan: I like Ben.
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
(Susan and Emily get off.)
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Susan: Oh yeah, Im so excited, Ive never been there.
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Susan: (To Emily) Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Susan: Hey, its so nice to finally meet you!
(Ross accidentally, on purpose, bumps into Susan.)
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
Susan: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesnt really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think its gonna make a difference
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, into her ice cream.]
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Ross: Ill be right there. (He goes over and opens the door to Carol, Susan, and Ben.) (To Ben.) Hello! (To Carol.) Hello! (To Susan.) Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is Carol and Susan.
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
Ross: Turns out them Emily is just crazy about Susan. Yeah, theyre going to the theatre together! Theyre going to dinner! Theyre going horseback riding!
SUSAN: Yeah, a woman I went to college with just became the first female blacksmith down there.
Susan: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona? (intercom buzzer rings)
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. Ill get the information.
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Susan: I will flip you for it.
Ross: Yknow, the kind of fun, you and Susan had when we were married.
Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.
(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susans coat.)
Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy?
Ross: ....right? Right? I mean its pretty unbelievable y'know, I mean they just took off, took off without even looking back. Y'know I dont, I dont need them, huh, Ive got you guys now as friends, you and Susan.
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.