words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.
Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Susan: Your son.
Susan: I got it.
Susan: No, you don't.
Susan: He started it!
Susan: You did!
Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Susan: How, how is this my fault?
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.
Susan: Yes.
Ross: Yeah, Susan.
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Susan: What do you see?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
Susan: What do you see? What do you see?
Susan: Oh, look at that.
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Susan: I like Ben.
Susan: That's what we were off doing.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Susan: Thanks.
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.
Susan: Yeah, yeah, all the time.
(Susan enters.)
Susan: Keep singing! Keep singing!
Susan: I felt it!
Susan: Hi, how's it goin?
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
(Susan enters)
Ross: Susan...
Susan: Oh, hello Ross!
Susan: So, so, did you hear?
Susan: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be?
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Susan, go deep.
Susan: What is, honey?
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
Ross: No real-, honey, really its fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Susan: What's it look like?
MINISTER: You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
Susan: But were fine.
Susan: Oh, hes fine. Hes fine. Its just that us getting along is difficult for him, because he doesnt like me.
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
Susan: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Susan: Uh huh.
Susan: Like lovers.
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
SUSAN: Hey.
Susan: This should be fun.
SUSAN: What?
CAROL: [enters with Susan] Hello
SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want.
Susan: Oh, is he hungry already?
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
CAROL and SUSAN: Great. That would be fine.
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
CAROL and SUSAN: We love you. Buy.
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
CAROL and SUSAN: Hello.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
SUSAN: Oh shout, that would have been fun.
Susan: Carol, not me.
SUSAN: The other us.
SUSAN: [clears her throat]
SUSAN: How you doin'?
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
SUSAN: You wanna dance?
SUSAN: You did a good thing today.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.
SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?
[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
Susan: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Susan: It's my baby too.
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
Susan: Ahh!
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Susan: Hey!
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
(Susan and Emily get off.)
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)