words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.
Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Susan: Your son.
Susan: I got it.
Susan: No, you don't.
Susan: He started it!
Susan: You did!
Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Susan: How, how is this my fault?
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.
Susan: Yes.
Ross: Yeah, Susan.
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Susan: What do you see?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
Susan: What do you see? What do you see?
Susan: Oh, look at that.
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Susan: I like Ben.
Susan: That's what we were off doing.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Susan: Thanks.
(Susan enters)
Ross: Susan...
Susan: Oh, hello Ross!
Susan: So, so, did you hear?
Susan: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be?
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Susan, go deep.
Susan: What is, honey?
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: No real-, honey, really its fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye
Susan: What's it look like?
MINISTER: You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
Susan: But were fine.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
Susan: Oh, hes fine. Hes fine. Its just that us getting along is difficult for him, because he doesnt like me.
Susan: Like lovers.
Susan: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
SUSAN: What?
SUSAN: Hey.
Susan: This should be fun.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Susan: Uh huh.
CAROL: [enters with Susan] Hello
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want.
CAROL and SUSAN: Great. That would be fine.
Susan: Oh, is he hungry already?
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
SUSAN: The other us.
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
CAROL and SUSAN: We love you. Buy.
CAROL and SUSAN: Hello.
SUSAN: Oh shout, that would have been fun.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Susan: Carol, not me.
SUSAN: [clears her throat]
SUSAN: You wanna dance?
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?
SUSAN: How you doin'?
SUSAN: You did a good thing today.
[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Susan: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Susan: It's my baby too.
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Susan: Ahh!
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Susan: Hey!
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
(Susan and Emily get off.)
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Susan: Oh yeah, Im so excited, Ive never been there.
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.