words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its 0-Dark:30, in other words its really, really early. Everyones asleep, and all through the apartments not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That is except for the chick, who turns out to be a rooster and is crowing in the sun. Needless to say, this awakens Monica and Rachel who rush into their living room, searching for the cause of the sound.]
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Rachel: What is that noise?
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its later that morning, everybody has gotten up and Ross and Phoebe has joined them for breakfast. Rachel is returning from shopping.]
Chandler: Oh, I can uh, check that for ya.
Monica: That is sooo not true!
Joey: Shes mad because I know todays her laundry day and that means shes wearing her old lady underpants.
Chandler: I can check that for ya.
Monica: I justI cant believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.
Joey: Yeah, whats that about?
Joey: Oh yeah? Ross, how many items left in that bag?
Chandler: Okay, ten bucks says that we can name every item in that bag.
Chandler: (to Ross) Stop that now!
Rachel: Okay, well, we won that one.
Monica: That does not mean you know us better, I-I want a rematch.
Dr. Zane: We do five because that gives you a 25% chance that at least one will attach.
Phoebe: Thats it! 25 percent? That means thats its like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!
Phoebe: Whoa!! Thatokay, thats a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. (to Dr. Zane) So, well okay, so is thereis maybe is there something that I can do yknow just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
Frank: I know! Why dont you get drunk! That worked for a lot of girls in my high school.
Monica: You guys! Do you realize that any minute now, Phoebe can be pregnant?
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and Its All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
Ross: Thats correct. Ladies?
Ross: That is correct.
Ross: Monica and I have a grandmother who died, you both went to her funeral, name that grandmother!
Monica: I knew that! Rachel! Use youre head!
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, Im-Im Phoebe Buffay, hi! Im-Im-Im hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that were doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, youve been there! Umm, yknow they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that Ill keep you safe and warm until youre ready to have them take you home, so Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, Im screaming, dont worry, thats whats supposed to happen.
Chandler: Unfortunately that is correct.
Rachel: Oooohh thats interesting.
Joey: Hey, no way, that roosters family!
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, thats 4 for the guys. Ladies, youre up.
(As they change places, they give each other the now patented Ross maneuver. If you dont know what that means, click here to find out The One With Joey's New Girlfriend.)
Monica: Thats not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!
(Chandler grunts and turns around, sees that hes in sight of the room, and mouths damn!)
Phoebe: Well, freaked. Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alices like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.
Monica: Chinadolor Bong, come on, we steal that TV Guide every week!
Rachel: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girls apartment! That is a boys apartment, its dirty and it smells. This is pretty. Its-its so pretty! And look, and its-its purple! And Im telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand. (She holds out her hand, which is shaking uncontrollably.)
Rachel: Thats right! You do what the hand says!
Monica: Hey, dont mix those up, you could really ruin that lollipop.
Phoebe: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, yknow just remember that its still really early, okay so, if it says that Im not pregnant, that doesnt mean that Im not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I dont go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.
Rachel: That is not true. She did! She forced me!
Rachel: I dont know! But maybe if we keep that drawer shut, itll die.
Monica: I thought that was a good thing.
Monica: Yeah thats right.
ROSS: Actually it's the movie theatre that has the time schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.
Rachel: Yeah thats actually a pretty good idea.
RICHARD: Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.
Ross: Oh yeah, Id love that.
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, we never had that,
Phoebe: Oh! Well, if thats what you want
Ross: I think that would be best.
Ross: We fell asleep! That is all.
Chandler: I made that joke up.
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
Mr. Treeger: Could you tell Jasmine that I won't make it to yoga class today?
Phoebe: Oh thats a nickname we were trying out.
Joey: FINE, ok, if you love this house so much, then you should just live here, okay? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. (He turns his back to them and starts humming) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Ross and Joey: Oh! Thats nice.
Julie: Thats why you broke up with me?
Ross: Actually, it wasnt that close.
Ross: Oh I, I dont-I dont think that would be the best idea.
Mrs. Geller: (incredulous) You dont know how that happened?! Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy!
Chandler: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!
Ross: That is one good looking man!
Monica: Phoebe thats crazy!
Monica: I cant believe you. You still havent told that girl she doesnt have a job yet?
Joey: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Chandler: Yeah, Im not in that.
Chandler: You didnt bring me here to do that, did you?
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Phoebe: (Looking relieved. She puts down the phone.) Oh thank god. Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you dont want to talk about it, thats fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and...
Rachel: Oh yknow what? Yknow what? Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinmans and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.
Ross: That is precious! Listen! I need Rachel's flight information.
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? Cause she said, "Next."
Phoebe: Yeah, but you always say that.
Ross: Thats right! Thats right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere!
Joey: (still skeptical) Yeah, look how that worked out.
Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)
Monica: Is that all?
RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
PHOE: No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.
Erin: Yeah! That would be great!
Monica: Well, I know that would make Joey happy, so, I would like that too.
Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
Joey: (smiling) That sounds fair.
Donny: O-kay... Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! (Gene is clapping his hands looking very happy and so is Joey) And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani (Both of their smiles fade away instantly)
Phoebe: Okay, remember that little problem I was having during my fourth month of pregnancy?
Ross: Well sorry, thats what I do on dates.
Phoebe: That wasnt a date! That was, that was just friends getting together (quietly) having sex.
Phoebe: Thats right, you just enjoy.
Joey: Yeah that dog left!
Joey: No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. Yknow? That was so awkward, we were really nervous.
[Scene: Phoebes office, she is arriving without the knowledge that shes been fired.]
Chandler: So, you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it.
Chandler: Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
Joey: Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that hes not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying mmm and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
Ross: Oh, Im actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, shes been away all week visiting her parents, but shell be cool. I mean, shes been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, Fossils are my friends.
Rachel: Now that she broke up with you?
Phoebe: Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, cause Im pregnant.
JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....
Mike: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.
ROSS: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, ok? You can literally see them evolving through time.
Joey: All right well, Id better take that back.
Rachel: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.
Ross: Oh really! Why is that?
Chandler: That sounds like my first bike. (They all turn and look at him.) My dad gave me his old one.
Kate: No, thats not it. So, youre a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Ticket Agent: Oh Im afraid that plane has already pulled away from the gate.
Monica: Wow! It took you all night to come up with that plan?!
Rachel: (entering, angrily) Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that!
Rachel: Well, Im really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)
Ross: Thats crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
Joey: Thank you all for coming. We're here today to pay respects to a wonderful agent and a beautiful woman... (Joey looks at the photograph) ..inside. As Estelle's only two clients we would like to say a few words. (Joey looks for his notes. The man next to him is chewing something.) Dude, where's my speech? (the man swallows something and looks at Joey.) That is entertaining. Al Zebooker everybody. (he applauds and Al shows that there's nothing left in his mouth.)
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Phoebe: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss.
Chandler: Okay. Okay, now wait a minute that was totally different.
Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know Im sure thats not gonna happen this time, why dont I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolphs.
Joey and Chandler: Yeah, thats her.
Frank Sr.: Well no, just-just that one. But, it was stupid. Let's see, how did it, how did it go. Umm. (Singing.)
Ross: Thats it, your doing great.
Monica: What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is the dress! Wh Chandler wants the band. What do I do?
Rachel: Ah, why, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of! I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting...
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
Tag: Thats kinda sad.
Mr. Zelner: You wrote that you have a cute touchie?
Joey: Maybe thats the problem.
Monica: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Ben: Santa has reindeers that can fly!
Joey: Wow, thats in like 20 minutes. Youd better get dressed.
Joshua: Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.
Phoebe: You know, it's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long and I've never heard about you.
(She turns the tree around so that her side, which is perfectly decorated, is showing)
PHOEBE: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
Joey: What is Rock 'n' Roll about that?
(Joey thinks that sounds familiar, but dismisses the thought.)
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. (thinking aloud) Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?