words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Phoebe are looking at some photos and they're sitting next to the window.]
Phoebe: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! (looking outside the window) Look, there's Chandler. (he's on the street, talking to a woman)
Rachel: Oh. Who is the blonde, she's pretty.
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it! (looking outside) See, there's something going on with them. Look, he's getting into the car with her!
Chandler: (picking up the phone) Hello.
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Phoebe: (shocked) Oh, well, it's a shame that you-that you miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see, you know, either "Liar, Liar" or "Betrayal", or... "An Affair To Remember".
Phoebe: (to Chandler at the phone) Okay, we-we'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Chandler enters the door.]
Chandler: I was in the car with Nancy all day.
Chandler: Well, at least the perfume is not mine, be thankful for that!
Monica: So? What do you think of the house?
Monica: Isn’t it? Then what about the amazing wainscotting and the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?
Chandler: And the wiggle wharms and the zip zorps? (pause) What were the things you said?
Monica: Don’t you love the huge yard?
Chandler: And the fireplace in the bedroom.
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
Chandler: I don’t know what you mean, giant talking cigarette! Oh, by the way, Phoebe called just as I was getting into Nancy’s car, so if she asks you, I was at work all day.
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Ross: I know, and with the baby coming?
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God that’s awful! What did you think of the house?
Monica: Yeah, sure... uhm, I'm devastated, obviously... (to the rest) Did you think the neighborhood was homey? (Chandler enters)
Chandler: Is it me, or have the greetings gone downhill around here?
Monica: Uhm, she has been showing us houses outside of the city.
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Rachel: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it, Ross is doing it, Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it!
Ross: (sarcastic) So you wanna buy a house in the 50's?
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.
(pause before Monica and Chandler speak, they look like they are looking for the right words)
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Phoebe: Wha..? Again with the nature, what are you? Beavers?
Joey: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? (Walks towards the fridge) Because I can stop doing that, (looks at the fridge) I really, really think I can!
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Joey: What the hell are you doin'?
(from 1.01 - "The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate - The Pilot")
Rachel: (talking on the phone) C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
(from 1.18 - "The One With All the Poker")
(from 1.07 - "The One With The Blackout")
Phoebe: [looking outside the window] Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
[They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.]
(from 3.09 - "The One With All the Football")
The Guys: We will. (they don’t move)
Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmallows in concentric circles.
(from 5.08 - "The One With the Thanksgiving Flashbacks")
Phoebe: (walks him to the kitchen) Easy. Step. How did it get on?
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey bast-Oh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
(from 4.12 - "The one With the Embryos")
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Chandler: If you win, we give up the birds.
Ross: 11, unbelievable, 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.)
Ross: (to the girls) Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl’s breast?
(The girls are stumped)
Ross: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.
(Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.)
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Joey: Hey, don’t get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!
Monica: Hey, we would still be living here if hadn’t gotten the question wrong!
Ross: Don’t blame the questions!
(from 5.15 - "The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey")
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
Monica: (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Ross: What the hell are doing?!!
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
(from 6.06 - "The One On The Last Night")
Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I’m just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?"
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.
Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.
Phoebe: That’s nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.
Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.
(Monica closes the door and slowly walks into Rachel’s old and now empty room.)
Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.)
(from 1.09 - "The One Where Underdog Gets Away")
Chandler: Little toast here. I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
[Scene: We're back to the present. Chandler and Monica's. They're all still at the kitchen table.]
Phoebe: Yeah, you don't wanna live in Westchester. That's like the worst of the Chesters.
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
(The phone rings and Chandler goes to get it)
Chandler: (to Nancy) Okay, thanks... (to Monica) They passed. They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price.
Ross: Yeah. I'm sorry too. I'm even more sorry that that phone call didn't come before I told you about looking through the window.
Chandler: We got the house.
Monica: Oh my God! My God! We've got the house !?
Chandler: We're getting the house. (they hug) We're getting the house.
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
(they all tear off the wrapping paper)
Phoebe: Oh! These are the ones I was looking at in the store. (she got earrings)
Chandler: Well, I didn't know how to tell you before, but... We got the house.
THE END
STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad?
Ross: And she's just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little
[Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]
Rachel: Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of ya!
Rachel: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
Monica: (interrupting) Rachels really the one whos pregnant.
Chandler: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is wearing sunglasses and as he exits his bedroom, Ross enters the apartment.]
Joey: Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start shooting today!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song as the gang looks on.]
Air stewardess: (on the answering machine) Miss? Please, sit down!
Chandler: Good morning everyone, it�s nice to see our team together for the first time. Now, before we get started, are there any questions? (colleague raises hand) Yes, Ken is it?
Phoebe: Because patience is the road to understanding (she thinks) which ... is the key... to a happy heart.
Joey: All right Ross youre in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Rachel: (Somewhat angrily) Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Dont answer me. (Giggling) I have a date with Danny.
Joey: Err... I just figured it out! You know, I mean you're not working and the economy is bad.
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together talking. Theres an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from of them.]
Rachel: Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler?
[They start to kiss. They try to get each other's shirts off but can't get the buttons undone.]
[The next one is from Episode 609: The One Where Ross Got High, Rachel is describing her desert to Joey and Ross.]
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Courtney: They made me dance, in the fat suit.
Chandler: Tomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, yknow what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right now? (Laughs) Eldad come here! (He stands up from the next table.)
Will: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams!
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Monica: But the minute we start to lie to each other (Pauses after she realizes what she's saying.) And by 'we' I mean society.
Man with a bow tie: Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. (sighs) I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... (sighs again and smiles at Ross blissfully).
(They go open the door and reveal Monica being spun around on the floor polisher and getting the cord wrapped around her legs.)
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
[Scene: The Hospital, Joey is in the waiting room as Rachel comes back out with the doctor.]
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while youre making out...
(Rachel finally manages to open the door, but the door chain is on.)
Phoebe: I know that, but look, we've got the Powerball number, we've won 3 dollars!
Ross: Oh no-no-no, were just two people who happen to run into each other here at the coffee house. (He winks at her.)
Rachel: Ok. You decorate dad's office and so now you're a decorator. Okay! I went to the zoo yesterday and now I'm a koala bear.
Phoebe: Oh, I love you guys too, but Mike got off work early. Wait. Wait, I�m not t�not that kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am. Bye guys! (waves to the bar) Judy! Bye.
Ross: Whoa-hello! We were closer with the mixed tape.
(We see the screen where it says: "Mike will you marry me?" and then we see Phoebe and Mike on the screen. Phoebe stands up and kneels in front of Mike.)
(Chandler picks up a basket from the table and puts it on his head.)
Rachel: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?
Rachel: I didnt see anything! I actually changed my mind about the name.
Rachel: Gotta go! (Opens the door to a boy in a cape.) Hi! Wow! There you go! (Hands him some candy.)
Monica: (to Alan) Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. (Alan exits, to all) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?
(Joey, Monica, and Ross all point to their lips to get Rachel to once again notice the ink on her lip.)
Gary: 'Cause uh, this is today's Post (produces one from the other chair) and uh, these are the listings I found. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights!
Phoebe: (singing, drunk) My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by! Thanks for the lights honey.
Ross: Oh, it was good! It was good. Actually, the baby started kicking!
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Monica: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!
Rachel: No, there's a party. There's a party. But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me?
(He turns to face Rachel on one knee with the box open.)
CHANDLER: See ya. [shuts the door] Goodbuy you fruit drying psychopath. So you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
(Raymond and Joey go in the office.)
Chandler: That’s sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady.
Chandler: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?
Chandler: Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings.
Ross: And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores, their heads are already too big. Which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.
Chandler: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly youre having sex with him.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, its late at night, Rachel is sitting on the couch in the dark wide-awake as Ross walks to the bathroom.]
(Chandler cuts in front of her and hits the ball high and long.)
Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you."
Rachel: (noticing him) Hi! (Puts the pictures away.)
Rachel turns to Ross: Oh whose side are you on? <back to Amy> I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responibility of a child.
Joey: Oh yeah. If you ah, move your hamper, you see what color the tile used to be. (Monica gasps) Yeah.
RACHEL: (to Ross) Ok.� So now, I think Emma is probably down for the night, but if you need anything Ross . . .
Monica: Frannie was the one who found your Playboys and showed them to mom.
Sandy: Well, please welcome... The Snufflebumps... Who wants to be mr. Wigglemunch and who's gonna be the Grumpus?
Monica: I'm sorry. It's just the idea of being an official Bing.
(He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")
Phoebe: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our age loved that.
Phoebe: (with a fancy dress, still playing and singing): It wasn't just that she was fat, the woman smelled like garbage! Everyone! It wasn't just that she was fat the woman smelled like garbaaaaaage! (to Monica, showing her dress) Classy, uh?
Monica: (to the doctor) Wait, did you know it was twins?
[Scene: Phoebe Sr. house, she is a real estate agent and is trying to sell a house over the phone. By the way, its still raining outside.]
Ross: Thats right. The student has become the master.
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...
(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since its so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)
(She frowns.� Chandler picks up the hand set.)
The Dry Cleaner: No! It dont go up on the wall!
(The fourth word is soda)
Rachel: Right. Was it the, "Please dont show me another picture of a trilobite vibe?"
[Scene: At Pyramid. Joey is with the woman now.]
The Waiter: Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never hurts to wear tight trousers.
(They all go into the kitchen. Just then, Rachel comes back from the bathroom; she had removed her dress and is wearing nothing but a lace nightie. She tries to find someplace seductive to wait for Joshua. She tries to sit on the piano, but it makes too much noise. So she goes over to the couch and kinda half lays down to wait for Joshua. Joshua comes in from the kitchen, sees Rachel, and freezes.)
Joey: Yeah! (Monica goes in the bedroom.) Yknow, she could use a little (Whistles that she needs to do what theyre doing.) (Something happens on the game.) Oh nice shot!!! (They all cheer.)
[Cut to Rosss apartment, he his playing the Bagpipes, badly. Hes worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.]
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
Helena: Before we go on with the show, I just want to say to the bride and groom how lucky they are to have found each other. In every life, a little rain must fall. Fortunately, in my life (Four guys wearing rubber boots, shorts, hats, and nothing else carrying umbrellas run onto the stage.) (Singing) Its raining men!
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. The triplets are now sleeping on top of each other on the couch.]
Ross: Yeah!!!! Yes, I made it! Im on time! (Grabs a bottle of water from a student, takes a drink, and splashes some on his face like the marathon runners do.) Okay, why dont we all uh, (Exhales loudly) open our books to page 23. Where (Exhales again) Where you will see a uh a bunch of uh red spots. Okay, (Closes his book.) umm, why dont, why dont you all start to read, while I(Passes out and collapses.)
Monica: Oh my God, I wrecked your baby!! (runs into the bedroom)
Joey: Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, look buddy, I came with that girl, and I had this plan to kiss her at the new years countdown Im trying to win her over, so I was wondering if..
Phoebe: Oh God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever! The bride is pregnant. The groom is missing. And Im still holding this. (She throws the test back into the trash.)
Ross: With the circus? He's behind the elephant.
Monica: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.
Joey: I can do that! (in a deeper voice) "Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things or... professing. I like to use..." Oh, what's the product?
Rachel: (jerks back from the tester) What?!
Rachel: (laughs and pushes the chair back in) Yeah, well, y'know umm No honey, listen I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them, but I think the way you do it is y'know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then you ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends!
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Monica: Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't?
Joey: Ah, yes, The Plan! (Laughs loudly again, but he sounds more like Santa Claus.)