words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
Monica: I just had the most amazing bath.
Chandler: Honey, its not the bath I enjoy, its the wet, naked lady.
Joey: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same place, right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross sits down.]
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet?
Rachel: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Monica comes from the bathroom as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Sex on the balcony?
Chandler: Honey, I dont like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Chandler: All right, if I do this, can we at least discuss sex on the balcony?
(Chandler runs into the bathroom)
[Cut to Chandler laying in the bathtub. "Only Time," is playing in the background.]
Chandler: (thinking) All right, this isnt so bad. I like the flower smell! Which is okay, because Ive got my boat.
[Scene: The Doctors Office, the doctor is writing something as Rachel is on the table, and Ross is standing.]
Ross: I dont think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that?
Rachel: Oh, oh my God! I can practically hear the mahjong tiles!
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
Rachel: (looking at the bulletin board with baby pictures) So, which of these babies do you think is the ugliest?
Rachel: Third one from the left?
Ross: Yeah, why is it staring at me? I think it knows Im talking about it. (Rachel starts to peek at the file) Dont-dont youWhWhaHey!!
Rachel: (holding stomach) Okay, a couple months late on the lecture, Ross.
Chandler: Im in the bathroom, can you come in here? I think theres something wrong.
Chandler: Im in the bathtub.
Monica: Oh. (She goes into the bathroom.) Whats wrong?
Chandler: I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong! The waters tepid. The salt didnt dissolve and is now lodged places. And the scents I used dont compliment each other. Eucalyptus and chamomileOh!
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
Monica: Well, I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey. He was talking about rules and right and wrong and
Chandler: I had the exact same conversation.
Chandler: He was asking all these questions about you, me, and London. And, of course the glue that holds this all together, the rules.
Monica: Wait a minute! He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in!
Monica: And Phoebe is his friend, so he thinks that would be breaking the rules!
Phoebe: (from outside the bathroom) You guys?
Monica: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?
Monica: You just stay here! (Dumps a jar of bath salts in the bathtub)
(Monica runs out to Phoebe, who is in the kitchen)
Phoebe: I dont know, I dont know, I dont know. You know, I mean, on the one hand, Mother may I? But yknow on the other hand No. No, I cant. Were friends. No, oh, no. I dont want to risk what we have.
[Scene: Central perk, Ross is sitting on the chair as Rachel walks in.]
Rachel: You know what? Ive been thinking about it. Im really coming around on the name Ruth. I think I would actually consider naming our child that.
Ross: Rach, I-I cant tell you how-how much that means to me! Ohh Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You-you hated the name Ruth! Why-why would you change your mind? Unless, you know were never going to have to use it. You did see the folder. You know its a boy!
Rachel: I didnt see anything! I actually changed my mind about the name.
Ross: Unless (Rachel groans.) You anticipated that I would figure all this out and you know that it actually is a girl, and you really do want her to be named Ruth! Well, Im not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table!
Rachel: But Ross, you want the name Ruth!
Phoebe: Yeah thats Rachel. (To herself) Beat me over the head with it.
Joey: She made me switch to light Mayo. Thats it! Thats all I got! And, you know what? It tastes the same and my pants fit better!
Phoebe: Thats right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know Ive had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And Im sure youve had them for us.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Ross: So, I uh I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.
Ross: Thats right. The student has become the master.
Ross: I know! I know. You know what? Im putting Ruth back on the table!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler enters as Monica comes from the bathroom.]
(As soon as Monica leaves the room, Chandler takes off his jacket and runs to the bathroom. Monica enters the bathroom to find Chandler in the bathtub.)
Monica: Fine, you can have the bath, but I am taking your boat. Now youre just a girl in a tub!
(Phoebe enters the bathroom)
Joey: (from outside the bathroom) Hello?
Phoebe: Were in the bathroom!
Joey: (entering the bathroom) What are you guys doing in here?
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Ross and I were looking for you! What are we all doing in here? (Looks at Chandler) Oh, my! (Covers the spot where Joey wants bubbles to be replaced.)
Monica: Honey, cover it up with the boat!
Ross: (from outside the bathroom) Hello?
Ross: (entering) Well hey! Whats going on? Ooh, cool boat(Sees why the boats there)Oh, no. (Averts his eyes by looking around the room) (To Rachel) Hey, did you, did you tell them?
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting at the counter eating Cocoa Puffs.]
Joey: (thinking) All right. Its a new day, and its just a crush, thats all! Just a little crush! All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say, "it was cuckoo!" Everythings going to be fine. Its just a crush.
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas bathroom. Both are sitting on opposite ends of the bathtub.]
Monica: Its the salts.
Monica: (To herself) Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy!
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Joey: (desperate) What the hell are you doin'???
[Cut to Rosss apartment, hes watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.]
Air stewardess: (on the answering machine) Miss, I can't let you off the plane.
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Joey: CURIOUS GEORGE (see link)! You know, the monkey, and the guy with the yellow hat!
Monica: Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off and let Joey get the girl for once.
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandlers your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
Monica: (to Mike) Serve the ball, chump!
Sandy: I realise how it's... a bit unorthodox for some people, but I really believe, the most satisfying thing you can do with your life, is take care of a child.
Rachel: No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy. I know what's going on here. Your Danny's wingman right? You guys are best buds. Frat bros!
Chandler: What about the obsessive cleaning?
Jill: Cant have?! Excuse me, the only thing I cant have is dairy! (Starts to storm out.)
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
(They walk over to the playpen.)
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
Ross: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours, some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
(they start to get ready, but then Phoebe enters through the door from Ross's room)
Rachel: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
Joey: (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?
Rachel: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Chandler: (still helium voice) Right behind you, big guy! (they both head for the door)
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Chandler: I can see the headline now: "Lottery winners' friend filled with regret eats own arm".
Monica: (also hugs the wall) Yeah, we had a great time, thank you! (walks to Phoebe)
Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the ladies bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um?
Amanda: (noticing the bottle of wine he has) Oh, I don't mean to be a square, but I'd really appreciate it if you wait and drink your wine after the kids are asleep? Oh uh, thanks for this, I hope I can do the same for you sometime. (She leaves)
Phoebe: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall.
(Ross leaves the room)
Charlie: Yeah, can you guys just throw him in the pool later?
Joey: Come on! Look just-just telllet her know that you really want them to be there. Lets not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Joey: Right, of course. Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
Monica: (holding her hand in front of her face) When you were little you slept through-through the Grand Canyon.
Bob: I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks Im not eleventh floor material. Say uh, who the hell is this Chandler?
Receptionist: Through the glass doors.
Joey: All right, watch me! (he takes a full container of milk from the fridge) Okay, you time me. Ready?
Phoebe: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff, so Mike could move in.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has a box of keys and is trying them on the secret closet when someone enters.]
Woman: (the same one from before approaches) Hi Joey.
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus?
The Interviewer: But therell be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.
Rachel: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway yknow what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. (She goes into her office.)
Chandler: The reason we havent told them were together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
(there's knocking on the door which Phoebe opens)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Monica: And the eye!
Rachel: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, well Yeah, no use wasting this baby, just lyin around the house.
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Ross: Duh, you think? (enters the kitchen)
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you! (as they leave she slaps Rachel on the butt)
(Mike enters the apartment.)
Phoebe: Okay, not a fan of the tough love.
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I cant believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Phoebe: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because shes the one whos leaving. Its harder for her!
Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth?
Phoebe: Im sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. (Gets ready to play.)
THE END
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Tag: How could I have left them in the copy room?
(Chandler enters from the bathroom)
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, cause thats not where you want to skimp.
Eric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just I got so angry just looking at her (Looks at Phoebe) face.
(Larry goes to leave but heads the wrong way and makes a quick sidestep to go out the right door.)
Girl: Why dont you look in the mirror, scrud.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Rachel: (now looking up at the ceiling) That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.
Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right?
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. Im sorry.
Monica: Hi! Umm, Im Monica Geller, Im the chef at Alessandros.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.
The Security Guard: I'm just taking you outside!
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Colleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left.
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Rachel: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.
(The oven timer pings in the kitchen.)
(He runs off to the kitchen.)
All: Oh! (They stop hugging her to let her out and resume the hug without her.)
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)