words in movies
Chandler: Okay. (He picks the 9 of Spades)
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
(Joey laughs then realizes the trick didn't work when Chandler hands him his card back.)
Ross: (sets Ben down) Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute--y'know, which he is--so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Ross: I know, it's crazy! We were just pushing Ben on the swings
Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating breakfast, Ross is heading for the bathroom.]
Ross: (from the bathroom) Okay!!
Ross: All right, I gotta take off. I'm picking up Ben then we're off to the big audition.
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
Ross: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
[Scene: Rachel's new job, she's in her new boss's office (Kim's) and with the other assistant (Nancy). Together they're deciding what clothes to buy or something, who knows, let's all watch/read to find out.]
Rachel: Well umm, that one is pretty but uh, I just, I just love this fabric (On the other one.) Sorry.
Kim: (at the door) Rachel? Do you smoke?
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
Rachel: and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me!
Chandler: Yeah, it is the best.
Rachel: I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson?
Chandler: Yeah, or you can do the easy thing and smoke.
Phoebe: Oh wait, I change my mind! (She slams the door on them.) Okay, let's talk about the party! I have so many ideas! (Holds up a cocktail napkin.)
Monica: All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food.
Phoebe: What happened to the intimate dinner party?
Monica: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant
Monica: Hey! How'd the audition go?!
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Rachel is out to join Kim and Nancy.]
Kim: Nancy and I were talking about the fall collection.
Nancy: So anyway I sent the designs over to Ralph and he's very excited about the line.
Kim: Oh that's great! You are the best!
Rachel: Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? (He holds up his pack.) Y'know what, actually (She takes the one he's smoking and heads over to where Nancy and Kim are standing and laughing.) Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here?
Rachel: Oh, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes, y'know? Y'know what I mean, like dubbies? And I actually, I thought to myself, "Wow, those guys are crazy!" But no, I actually smoke the regular ones all, all the time.
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Ross: Yes!! I knew it!! (To the people who didn't make it.) Bye-bye! So long! Later!
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, that's 'cause Monica put me in charge of cups and ice, and Monica is gonna rue the day that she put me in charge of cups and ice.
Chandler: Y'know I rued the day once didn't get a whole lot else done.
Phoebe: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. (She goes and opens the door to Joey.) Oh, hi Joey!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (To the guys) Hey!
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.)
Ross: Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad.
Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Rachel: Well-well that's 'cause I went down there and they were all smoking. This is actually the smell of success.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Rachel, Kim, and Nancy are all puffing away on their cancer sticks.]
Rachel: Oh but you could. You can. Absolutely! We can help each other out! We can get--what are those--those patches! We could be like the Patch Sisters!
Rachel: Yes! Great! Give me those cigs! Give it! Give it! (She grabs their cigarettes and lighters and throws them in the trash.)
Rachel: Okay then! (She starts rummaging through the trash to find Kim's lighter.)
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
(Raymond and Joey go in the office.)
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
The Casting Director: Y'know, that's-that's fine, but the line is, "Hmm, soup."
The Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup.
The Casting Director: All right, let's try one.
The Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Kim and Nancy are cheating and are caught by Rachel.]
Rachel: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!
Kim: (to Nancy) So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel's surprise party. The apartment is festooned with cups. There are cups everywhere! Cup centerpiece, cup garland, etc., etc]
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
Chandler: Great job with the cups, Pheebs!
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Phoebe: (following him) And did you notice the ice? (Gestures to 3 huge buckets of ice on the table.) Look! We have it all! We have crushed! Cubed! And dry! Watch! (Pours some water onto the dry ice, causing it to evaporate/smoke.) Ahhh! Mystical!
Chandler: Thank you! Thank you! (Runs to the snow cone machine.)
Monica: That's the surprise!
[Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.]
Ross: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well.
Ross: (pause) I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Kim and Nancy are out smoking as Chandler sticks his head out the door.]
Kim: (to Nancy) So we talked about the (Chandler sneaks closer to her cigarette) whole presentation yesterday at lunch (Closer) and he wondered if one person would be enough (Closer) to get a take on the trip (Still closer) and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" (She's interrupted by Chandler who has reached his goal and takes a drag from her cancer stick.)
The Smoking Woman: Yeah I can, it worked real well.
The Interviewer: Okay, how about when youre not working. What do you do in your spare time?
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.]
Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.
(Phoebe closes the door behind him.)
[Scene: Central Perk - Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the sofas. Joey enters]
Elizabeth: Shut the book!
Receptionist: Unfortunatly the only thing we have available is our deluxe suite, the rate is six hundred dollars.
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, (Gives her the time-out signal.) honey, okay?
Phoebe: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Ross: Thatll be a neat trick, when youre, (looks at the script) when youre dead!
Monica: Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you wanna go see your room?
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. (She turns around, about to leave)
Joey: (dragged in by Monica, he has just gotten out of the shower) What's going on?
Ross: Oh, whatever. (Laughs and gives Joey the thumbs up heading back to his apartment. Joey follows him)
MONICA: They want me to do it, which is really cool, seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?
Ross: Because! Because, it-it-its Itd be like you having this guitar (Points to hers) and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you dont ride it you-youre-youre killing its spirit! (Pause) The bike is dying.
Phoebe: Are there anymore from the good batch? Cause we could just work off of those.
Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesnt want to get married?
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.]
Monica: Oh its umm, good! It's umm, its good, just here watering the plants.
Joey: Well, where was I? (Takes a sip of the coffee.)
(She opens the door and they kiss.)
Rachel: Hey! Thats just poking me in the eye!
Chandler: Oh well, we dont because we got the other pl-place.
(The chick and the duck walk into the living room.)
Rachel: Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law!
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.
Rachel: (pause) Hes talking to the baby.
Joey: Look, Ill come to the party but Im not dressing up.
Ross: What the hell are you doing?
Frank: Yeah, Ive been thinking ever since you said we were having triplets, the best thing for me to do is to drop out of college and get a job.
Rachel: So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "Thats not how your dad used to do it."
Will: Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club.
Monica: Well, because we want to get to know her better and she's never been to New York so she wants to see all the tourists' spots... you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building...
Ross: Whats-whats the difference?
(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't help...)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
All: (they all recoil from the smell emanating from him) Oh! God! Wow!
Phoebe: Rachel, what the hell is this?!
Monica: (to the bartender) Thank you.
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket]
[Time lapse. Chandler runs out of the bathroom.]
Kim: Oh my God. He just gave you the coldest look I have ever seen. Its like he hates you. Then it is true.
Monica: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.)
Rachel: (to the closed door) Hang in there. You hang in there. (Gives him the raspberry.)
Joey: Food? Uh-huh gimme! (She hands him the paper.)
Phoebe: Yeah, its about relationships. Yknow? The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do, keep going. This stuff is great!
Joey: Thats right, all the ladies want to stay at Joeys.
Chandler: Im not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Some cheese?
Joey: (laughs) Actually, I didnt know the magazine was paying for it. Wouldnt have mattered, Im doing this for the fans, not for the free food.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
Chandler: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period!
Joey: Yknow what? Bring her both, and Ill have the same. (The waitress leaves.)
Chandler: So it's pretty much the same Pheebs.
Monica: Ooh! But the band and the photographer are coming all the way in from New Jersey!
Phoebe: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.
Joey: Thats right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, everyone except Ross is decorating the tree.]
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Rachel is in bed, Ross is fooling around, and Dr. Long is checking on Rachel.]
[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe flashes him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the ball away.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering carry a large box, Monica is mopping the ceiling.]
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, yknow? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that wasif she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasnt kidding, shes not fun, shes stupid, and kind of a racist.
Chandler: Pheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now!
Ross: (interrupting her) Okay. Okay. If uh, if youre gonna do this, then Im gonna do that. (Points to the bathroom.) So (Starts for the bathroom.)
Ross: (Yells) Damnit! (Goes to the door to leave. Rachel just enters, sees him and starts laughing)
[Scene: Dr. Burkes office, Rachel and Monica are waiting as the doctor arrives.]
Phoebe: Oh no, one of those look for the hidden meaning songs.
Chandler: Staying out of the way.
Ross: You do appear right on the cusp of something. Come on man, I'm sure he'll lose interest in a week or two, but for now can you please just do this for me?
Joey: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. (Does so.) Take a couple deep breaths. (Does so.) Look confident. (Does so as Rachel opens the door and startles him.)
Rachel: Well obviously I wont be able to come, for those of you who havent checked their calendars today is my due date. Well yknow, I just want to take a moment and thank you guys for how great youve been during this time. I really couldnt have done it without you. And I have loved these last nine months! And even though I am so looking forward to the next part, I am really gonna miss being pregnant.
PHOEBE: Yeah? Are you sure, really. [She picks up a mirror and sees the white splotches all over her face.]
Ross: (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Ross: Well, you shouldve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, hes like Joe Rugby.
Rachel: (speaking to the person on the phone again) Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!
[Scene: Rachels Old Bedroom, Continued from earlier. Monica enters the room.]
Monica: Ok, for my next song I think I�ll sing something a little more upbeat. All right? Oh, how about the PointerSisters �I am so excited�. And make it bouncy!
Ticket agent: And the destination?
Chandler: All right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that theres a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! (Reading from the book.) "Its almost as good as being there."
Monica: Rachel, if you want the little round waffles, you gotta have to wait until I find the little waffle iron.
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Frank Sr.: Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!
Monica: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the whole screen]
Rachel: Well, someone that has his own tux, or has the ability to rent a tux.
Rachel: Well, wait a minute, youre the boss! Why dont you just yell at them? Or, fire them?
The Dry Cleaner: Russians! It showed them as terrorists and villains!
Phoebe: Yeah, I think it was better when you guys were sad. Hey, uh, remember the roller blades?
Rachel: Im sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there! Yknow, you fight, you make up, its just the way it works.
[Cut back to the present.]
(Rachel gets up to the jetway.)