words in movies
Chandler: Okay. (He picks the 9 of Spades)
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
(Joey laughs then realizes the trick didn't work when Chandler hands him his card back.)
Ross: (sets Ben down) Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute--y'know, which he is--so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Ross: I know, it's crazy! We were just pushing Ben on the swings
Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating breakfast, Ross is heading for the bathroom.]
Ross: (from the bathroom) Okay!!
Ross: All right, I gotta take off. I'm picking up Ben then we're off to the big audition.
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
Ross: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
[Scene: Rachel's new job, she's in her new boss's office (Kim's) and with the other assistant (Nancy). Together they're deciding what clothes to buy or something, who knows, let's all watch/read to find out.]
Rachel: Well umm, that one is pretty but uh, I just, I just love this fabric (On the other one.) Sorry.
Kim: (at the door) Rachel? Do you smoke?
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
Rachel: and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me!
Chandler: Yeah, it is the best.
Rachel: I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson?
Chandler: Yeah, or you can do the easy thing and smoke.
Phoebe: Oh wait, I change my mind! (She slams the door on them.) Okay, let's talk about the party! I have so many ideas! (Holds up a cocktail napkin.)
Monica: All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food.
Phoebe: What happened to the intimate dinner party?
Monica: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant
Monica: Hey! How'd the audition go?!
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Rachel is out to join Kim and Nancy.]
Kim: Nancy and I were talking about the fall collection.
Nancy: So anyway I sent the designs over to Ralph and he's very excited about the line.
Kim: Oh that's great! You are the best!
Rachel: Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? (He holds up his pack.) Y'know what, actually (She takes the one he's smoking and heads over to where Nancy and Kim are standing and laughing.) Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here?
Rachel: Oh, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes, y'know? Y'know what I mean, like dubbies? And I actually, I thought to myself, "Wow, those guys are crazy!" But no, I actually smoke the regular ones all, all the time.
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Ross: Yes!! I knew it!! (To the people who didn't make it.) Bye-bye! So long! Later!
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, that's 'cause Monica put me in charge of cups and ice, and Monica is gonna rue the day that she put me in charge of cups and ice.
Chandler: Y'know I rued the day once didn't get a whole lot else done.
Phoebe: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. (She goes and opens the door to Joey.) Oh, hi Joey!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (To the guys) Hey!
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.)
Ross: Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad.
Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Rachel: Well-well that's 'cause I went down there and they were all smoking. This is actually the smell of success.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Rachel, Kim, and Nancy are all puffing away on their cancer sticks.]
Rachel: Oh but you could. You can. Absolutely! We can help each other out! We can get--what are those--those patches! We could be like the Patch Sisters!
Rachel: Yes! Great! Give me those cigs! Give it! Give it! (She grabs their cigarettes and lighters and throws them in the trash.)
Rachel: Okay then! (She starts rummaging through the trash to find Kim's lighter.)
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
(Raymond and Joey go in the office.)
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
The Casting Director: Y'know, that's-that's fine, but the line is, "Hmm, soup."
The Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup.
The Casting Director: All right, let's try one.
The Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Kim and Nancy are cheating and are caught by Rachel.]
Rachel: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!
Kim: (to Nancy) So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel's surprise party. The apartment is festooned with cups. There are cups everywhere! Cup centerpiece, cup garland, etc., etc]
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
Chandler: Great job with the cups, Pheebs!
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Phoebe: (following him) And did you notice the ice? (Gestures to 3 huge buckets of ice on the table.) Look! We have it all! We have crushed! Cubed! And dry! Watch! (Pours some water onto the dry ice, causing it to evaporate/smoke.) Ahhh! Mystical!
Chandler: Thank you! Thank you! (Runs to the snow cone machine.)
Monica: That's the surprise!
[Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.]
Ross: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well.
Ross: (pause) I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Kim and Nancy are out smoking as Chandler sticks his head out the door.]
Kim: (to Nancy) So we talked about the (Chandler sneaks closer to her cigarette) whole presentation yesterday at lunch (Closer) and he wondered if one person would be enough (Closer) to get a take on the trip (Still closer) and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" (She's interrupted by Chandler who has reached his goal and takes a drag from her cancer stick.)
Rachel: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway yknow what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. (She goes into her office.)
Chandler: The reason we havent told them were together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
(there's knocking on the door which Phoebe opens)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Monica: And the eye!
Rachel: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, well Yeah, no use wasting this baby, just lyin around the house.
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Ross: Duh, you think? (enters the kitchen)
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you! (as they leave she slaps Rachel on the butt)
(Mike enters the apartment.)
Phoebe: Okay, not a fan of the tough love.
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I cant believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Phoebe: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because shes the one whos leaving. Its harder for her!
Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth?
Phoebe: Im sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. (Gets ready to play.)
THE END
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Tag: How could I have left them in the copy room?
(Chandler enters from the bathroom)
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, cause thats not where you want to skimp.
Eric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just I got so angry just looking at her (Looks at Phoebe) face.
(Larry goes to leave but heads the wrong way and makes a quick sidestep to go out the right door.)
Girl: Why dont you look in the mirror, scrud.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Rachel: (now looking up at the ceiling) That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.
Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right?
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. Im sorry.
Monica: Hi! Umm, Im Monica Geller, Im the chef at Alessandros.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.
The Security Guard: I'm just taking you outside!
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Colleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left.
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Rachel: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.
(The oven timer pings in the kitchen.)
(He runs off to the kitchen.)
All: Oh! (They stop hugging her to let her out and resume the hug without her.)
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Charlie: No, no, no, not the Mets, the MET, singular!
Monica: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?
Phoebe: (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on the table and everyone gasps.)
Phoebe: Hey!! (The bucket starts smoking.) The charity's on fire! Help! (Yet another guy walks by carrying a cup, which Phoebe grabs.) Oh good! Thank you, I need that. (She throws onto the smoldering fire. Suddenly the bucket erupts in flames.) Whoa! What is that?! (She sniffs the cup.) (To the guy.) It's nine o'clock in the morning!
Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Charlie: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay?
Monica: Limited seating my ass. Lets see who made the cut. (To the couple sitting to her right.) Hi!
Joey: I have to go to the bathroom too, but I dont want him complimenting my thing.
(Ross goes to the kitchen.)
(He goes back to the kitchen.)
Joey: Yeah. I'll see you in the morning.
Phoebe: Ohh, you and your ways. (She shakes the bell at him and sits down.) Since its Christmastime. Im going to be one of those people collection donations.
[Scene: Rachel's hotel room. Joey is standing at the door, facing Rachel]
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
Ross: Look Rach if-if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche Ill be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block.
THE END
Chandler: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous?
(The triplets stare at him.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
(They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Ross: The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.
Chandler: I wanna quit the bank!
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
Male Guest: (to the Maitre d') Good evening. (Shakes his hand)
(All are returning from the street after picking up dropped lottery tickets)
Joey: (after Ross leaves the room) aaand SEND! (he hits the send button)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt eitherOoh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
Joey: What’s the matter?
Chandler: (sighs) Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?
Chandler: Okay, but this is the last time. (singing) With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick-(Joey enters)-chickeeeen.
Donny: Okay. Give me sixty seconds on the clock please... Ready, GO! (runs off)
(The machine picks up the phone)
Chandler: Hello? Is someone on the line?
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it Oh My God, Im a woman!!!
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]
Chandler: Sure! Thats one of the great things about being engaged. Im not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
Joey: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second (points to the hall).
Phoebe: Come on! The boss that fires a guy thats just been dumped, bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy thats just been fired, blond bitch!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's trying to teach Joey French, so she's sitting in front of him with the script in her hands.]
Ross: Hey! Howd the ah, basketball go?
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
[Scene: The hallway]
Rachel: We took our apartment back!! (Slams the door shut.)
Phoebe: Please, Monica? In the hall?