words in movies
Chandler: I missed most of the party (pause) Charlie's a girl, right?
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
Charlie: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...
Ross: Yeah, I know the type.
Phoebe: I bought them off Ebay! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!!
Phoebe: (coming back from the bathroom) What's up? (she sees the gift certificate in Rachel's hands) Hey, Rachel!!
Phoebe: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells.
Phoebe: Thank you. (she tears up the gift certificate)
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it)
Monica: Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
Monica: What is the big deal?
Chandler: Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!
(somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie)
Charlie: Please, I've been crazed all day! I had a meeting with the Dean, and my syllabus for summer school is due and I'm writing the Foreword for a friend's book...
Charlie: So I am just so excited to be here. And I can't wait to start exploring the city!
Charlie: Oh, well, we can go see the Chronos Quartet at the Avery Fisher Hall.
Charlie: And there is a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display at the public library.
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Joey: Ok, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck, ok? You wanna see the Yankees.
Charlie: No, no, no, not the Mets, the MET, singular!
Charlie: The museum!
Rachel: (to the receptionist) Hi there!
Receptionist: Have a seat through the glass doors.
Rachel: (imitating the receptionist's tone) through the glass doors.
Receptionist: Through the glass doors.
(Phoebe enters the hall)
Receptionist: Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.
Phoebe: 'Cause it's good money! But that doesn't change the fact that this is an evil blood sucking corporate machine!
(Joey walks in and moves towards Ross, who's sitting of the sofa)
Ross: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it!
Ross: Get to the problem!
Joey: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!
Joey: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Joey: The Metsss!
Ross: Oh, no! The MET! The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Ross: Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. You know what? She loves architecture, you know what you should do? You should take a walk down fifth to the Saint Patrick's Cathedral and there there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love.
Ross: But I'm not! (pause). You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?
Ross: Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right (and he bends his arm to the left. Ross then bends Joey's arm to the right and Joey nods)
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Monica: Because, honey, I mean this in the sweetest way possible, nobody is gonna wanna watch that.
Nurse: Mr. Bing? (Chandler jumps up) Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
Monica: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Janice: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
[Scene: At the Spa, Phoebe is at the half-opened door]
Phoebe: (In a strange heavy accent) Hello "ja", it's time for your massage, ja! Put your face in the hole.
Rachel: Wow, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person. (Puts her head in the hole and Phoebe enters)
Rachel: (Sees Phoebe's slippers through the hole) Wow... I really love your... (startled as she realizes those are Phoebe's slippers)
Rachel: No, it's just that uhm... it feels so good... Ikea... (pause) Yeah, say hey, you'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Ross in the living room, rehearsing what Joey will say to Charlie in the Museum]
Joey: (gesturing at an imaginary painting) Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.
Joey: (shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!
Ross: Ok now, remember, when you get to the museum, Monet is not spelt M-O-N-A-Y. I just... I wrote that out phonetically for you.
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Ross: Ok! So let's move on to the Renaissance?
Joey: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting).
Ross: Nah ah! Nah ah! (stops him form doing so) No no no! No ad-libbing and dude, you can't touch the paintings.
Joey: Come on! you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again)
[Scene: The Fertility Clinic; Chandler walks out one of the rooms]
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Chandler: Yeah! yeah... The hard part is over!
Janice: That's not the hard part honey! The hard part is what comes next, I mean aren't you worried about the results?
Chandler: I haven't... I haven't even thought about the results yet... I just assumed that everything was gonna be ok.
Janice: What, you can do it in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, but you can't do it at a doctor's office?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel at the Spa. Phoebe is still massaging Rachel]
Phoebe: (Singing) "Ipan Stripan, Glupi Glabi! " And that is the Swedish National Anthem! Thank you for asking! (looks annoyed)
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!
Phoebe: Okay (walks out and closes the door behind her, looks up and whispers) If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. I love you.
Ross: (recovers his composure and starts typing) Respectfully, professor R. Geller. (hits <return>, closes the laptop and joins Charlie on the sofa) Hey!
Ross: Hey, how was the Met?
Charlie: The museum was amazing!
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
Ross: (perplexed for a moment) Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?
Charlie: No, we went to the left.
Charlie: Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.]
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Chandler: Hello? Oh hi, Doctor Connelly. (pause) No, she's not here but, you know, I can tell her. Should I be sitting down for this? (his smile fades as he hears the answer) Oh. (pause) Well, so what does that mean? (pause) Ok. Ok, thank you. Thanks. (hangs up)
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
[Scene: The Spa Reception. Phoebe walks in]
Phoebe: (imitating the receptionist's tone) Good morning receptionist.
Receptionist: Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in room No. 1.
(Phoebe walks to the door and half-opens it)
Phoebe: (through the door, with a Scottish accent) Are you ready for your Scottish massage? Put your face in the hole, lassy.
[Scene: A newsstand, Phoebe is looking at a magazine as the guy from before walks by and picks up a newspaper.]
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel enters.]
The Museum Official: (on machine) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller.
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is a beeping noise coming from the living room and Phoebe sleepily goes to investigate.]
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
Amy: A-And it's on Fifth. And the elevator opens up right into the living room.
Joey: (stepping in and knocking the man over) Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!!
Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Sandy is knitting baby clothes. Ross and Rachel walk into the living room.]
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Im like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back.
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
Chandler: Shocking! Since you still have the keys.
TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.
[Scene: The Airport, everyone but Monica is there to see off Marcel.]
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we dont keep the womens lingerie here in the office?
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
(they both start up the stairs.)
[they all jump in the street and prepare to fight]
Rachel: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.
Joey: He can still catch her! Come on, get out of there! (He opens the box) Get out of there!
[Gunther gets up slowly from behind the couch and walks away sadly]
Chandler: I dont have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away!
Joey: No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! (Notices Monica standing between them and smiling.) What?! (The camera clicks, taking another picture.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of her experience in the garbage room.]
[they sit at the couch]
Rachel: Oh my God! That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard!
(A woman with a steel drum and a guy with a xylophone start playing an instrumental version of "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley. A bridesmaid and a groomsman walk down the isle. Next are Rachel and Ross, who carries Chappy in his arms.)
(Meanwhile, another waiter has come up to the first waiter.)
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrows not so good, Im supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Mr. Geller: Boy, Im glad I wore the big belt today.
Joey: I know, she may be the hottest girl I've ever hated.
[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
RACHEL: Only 'cause you took up half the circle.
Ross: Oh, but-but it is, uh, its just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.
[Scene: The hallway after the party. Rachel is sitting there.]
Ross: Hey-hey, its valid okay? And Im not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
PHOEBE: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]
Janice: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever! (Does the laugh.)
Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You dont hire an assistant because theyre cute, you hire them because theyre qualified.
Gavin: Exactly how contagious is this thing you have? I mean is it a cold for standing on the balcony or did a monkey bite you?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
Rachel: Okay! (Joins the rest of the gang.)
Claudia: Yes, in Oklahoma it�s legal to smoke in offices with fifteen people or less. (passing the pack) Would you like one?
Ross: Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way (he turns her hand upside down) which uh, which was misleading. Well Im (He goes at sits down at his new table and the kids stare at him.) Hello.
Ross: (grabbing the wheel) What-what are you doing?! Are youOkay thats not funny! Just stop horsing around!
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Ross: Thats, thats, thats a big candy bar. (Shes holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
RACHEL: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey?
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)
Monica: (covers her neck) Oh God! (runs to the bathroom)
BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!
Ross: It makes him miss the bowl, but whatever.
Janice: In the park?
(Seeing Rachels apparently okay with this, the rest of the gang jumps up to congratulate Ross and Emily on their pending nuptials.)
Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)
CHANDLER: Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and, and wetting the bed.
MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.
Ross: The one that always stares at me when I come in?
RACHEL: Actually, what I think you said was, "don't touch that, and get the hell out of my kitchen."
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever.
PHOE: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like... definitely felt something.
Phoebe: Most likely. (raises and goes toward the door) Okay, I'm gonna be out there.
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Chandler: What? (turns around quickly still ready to throw the dart and Joey quickly ducks and hides behind the chair) What are you, what are you talking about?
Monica: Wait a minute, she isnt Shes not the one who you
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
Monica: Honey, whats the matter?
Ross: Joeys asking if youve just ruined the first book hes ever loved that didnt star Jack Nicholson?
Phoebe: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandlers.]
Chandler: Honey, I dont like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Joey: (entering) Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didnt get the part?
MONICA: DON'T...be too long with the phone.
Mindy: Now, I know things've been weird lately, but you're like my oldest friend in the world... Except for maybe Laurie Schaffer, who I don't talk to anywhere, 'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face. ....Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this once, and I want a straight answer.
EDDIE: That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, yknow what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
Joey: Because of... the reason.
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
[Joey and Ross go back out into the main area.]
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]