words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, Phoebe is returning from the bathroom.]
Phoebe: (angrily) Thats like the tenth time Ive peed since Ive been here!
Monica: Thats also like the tenth time you told us.
Phoebe: Yeah, oh Im sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, its a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! Im so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, causeOh! Im pregnant!
Ross: All right, heres the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily)
Ross: So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet?
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could!
Phoebe: One of the babies is kicking.
Phoebe: Its not kicking me, its kicking one of the other babies. Oh (looks down her dress)! Dont make me come in there!
Monica: Yeah, theres one right under the cabinet.
Joey: Oh, were having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the door.)
Joey: Nooo, later. (Walks out the door.)
Joey: Then youre not invited. (Starts for the door again.)
Rachel: All right fine! Youre not invited to the party were gonna have either.
Monica: The baby shower for Phoebe!
Joey: This is what Ive got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a lot of liquor.
Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, Ive got you, me, and Chandler and Im gonna invite Gunther cause, well, weve been talking about this pretty loud.
Joey: All rightoh! Listen, I know this is your party, but Id really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Ross: Yeah. Tell ya what, lets not invite any of the anthropologists, only the dinosaur dudes!
Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
Ross: Yeah, see, I dont think its gonna that difficult considering this one wont be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Chandler: Oh, Im Ross. Im Ross. Im too good for the Hut; Im too good for the Hut.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! (She shows Rachel what she bought. She bought a little leather jacket and a little cowboy outfit for the babies.) Can you believe they make these for little people?
Monica: Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. (Its a little pink and white dress for the girl baby.)
Rachel: Huh. Except, Phoebes not gonna be the one that gets to dress them.
Monica: Because shes not gonna get to keep the babies.
Rachel: Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!
Phoebe: What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I cant use for another two months?! This sucks! All right, whats my next present?!
All: I dont have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their gifts behind their backs.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Ross: Hey listen man, about the stripper
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him whats on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
Chandler: (banging on the bottle again) Okay, okay, a little announcement, I just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, (to the stripper) so is the position of the bride.
The Stripper: Great!
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Ross: Oh, thanks! (Takes it and throws it back into the box and leaves.)
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?
The Stripper: Wow, I didnt know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.
Joey: Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the wall. (The duck complies.) Hardly move. (The duck complies.) Be white. (The duck complies.)
The Stripper: You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party.
The Stripper: Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night.
The Stripper: Yeah?
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, its the middle of the night, hes waking up and discovers hes alone in bed.]
Joey: Hey, (realises he doesnt know her name.) stripper! (He notices that the ring box is open, so he picks it up, sees its empty and starts to panic.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
Joey: (running and banging on Chandlers door) The stripper stole the ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring!
Chandler: (opening the door) What?
Joey: The ring is gone!
Chandler: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for thisAh-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! Youre the worst best man ever!
Joey: Dude, this isnt funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night, everythings cool! I wake up this morning, the strippers gone and the ring is gone!
Chandler: You slept with the stripper?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
Phoebe: I-I wanted to apologise if Iyknow seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower. Yknow its just the hormones, yknow.
Rachel: It just might be too hard, given the history and all that
Phoebe: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Phoebe: Alrighty, here come the water works. (Rachel starts crying harder.)
Joey: Ugh! I dont know what Im going to do! I called the company that sent and th-they dont care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isnt an emergency, then what is?
Ross: I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And the guys from work had a blast. Yknow, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so
Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little squeeze.)
Joey: (laughs, softly) Yeah, the stripper stole it.
Ross: (dialling the phone) All right-all right, fine! I-Im gonna call the cops!
Ross: Not on you! On the stripper!
Joey: Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said theyre gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders.
Ross: Okay, well, well call the company that sent her!
Joey: I did that too! They wouldnt give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again theyd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them Im missing a ring!"
Phoebe: (sets the cup down) Oh! (Grabs her stomach in pain.)
Rachel: What?! She made the tea! (Points to Monica.)
Monica: Wait, you cant have the baby here! I mean I havent sterilised it since the guys moved out!
Phoebe: No. Its all right; its probably false labour. They said that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book.
Monica: Rachel, get the book! The book!
Monica: The Bible?!
[Scene: Chandlers office, the guys are there waiting to ambush the stripper.]
Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she wont recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and Ill be uh, Mr. Wong.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
The Stripper: Did anybody call for security?
Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.)
The Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.) Hey, Joey?
The Stripper: Whats he talking about?
The Stripper: Wait, you guys think I stole some ring?
The Guys: Yeah!
Ross: We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess!
The Stripper: Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I dont need to steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys make that?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do, since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Rachel: No, really. Really, Pheebs, youre not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when theyre bad, yknow, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just wont calm down. Yknow?
Monica: I mean, youre the one theyre gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.
Phoebe: Youre the best. Thanks. Oh!
[Scene: The Animal Hospital, the guys have taken the duck in to remove the ring. Joey is pacing around like an expectant father.]
Ross: Joey! The vet said its a simple procedure.
(With that we go into a little flashback about the guys memories of the duck. The first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then its Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler reading to him in bed, and him watching Baywatch when all they had was the canoe and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then its Chandler shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls apartment, Joey revealing their disco cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them, and its concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping its wings. And the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.)
The Doctor: (coming in from surgery) Somebody lose a ring?
Ross: Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! (He grabs the ring, kisses it, and then does a double-take realising where its been.)
Joey: H-h-h-hows the duck?
The Doctor: Hes doing just fine, hes resting now, but you can see him in a little bit.
Joey: Yeah, it is! You wouldnt have lost the ring, right? Yknow what, Ross you were right from the start, he (Chandler) should be your best man.
[There was no closing scene, only a preview of the wedding.]
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Rachel: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Monica: (going over to listen at the door) Rachel said everything was okay.
Phoebe: Alright, okay, so we can all go now. That is fun. Hey, you know what? We all haven�t been together the six of us in such a long time.
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie, Joey and Rachel are on the couches]
Ross: Come on! All the cool kids are eating em! (chases after her.)
(Joey enters from the stairs.)
ERICA: Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Remore.
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
Ms. McKenna: The numbers we are seeing New York, Chicago, and London are consistently solid, but many of our officers have reported disappointing fields.
Monica: Oh! (Gets up) Lets see, well if this is the wedding hall then umm (Walks away) youre parents will be at home in Queens.
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Monica: So you didnt leave the bank?
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Chandler: Don't say that. Don't tangle the dream and take it away.
Rachel: They sent me home from work. They were like, "Start your maternity leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby." Well yknow what? Screw em! If they dont want me there, Ill just hang out with you guys.
Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked mans life hangs in the balance!
Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.
Monica: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I cant believe I found it!
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
Chandler: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler!
[Scene: Joey's Apartment, the guys are still playing Bamboozled.]
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home.
(With one last mighty tug the combatants lose their grip and split, each holding one candlestick.)
Ross: Hey Emma. Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely see. (Wants to take the hat off, but Rachel tries to stop him).
Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar.
(She walks down the hall)
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Chandler: (To Ross) No, thats okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way its okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if Im sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
(Monica opens the door.)
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Joshua: Whats up? Youre voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
(The screen fades to black.)
Waiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy!
JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.
Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
Phoebe: (looks at the amount on the check, and gasps) Well, this is very generous!
Rachel: Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?
Ross: Thanks! (walks out of the room and starts hugging the wall) Thank you! (closes the door)
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
(The director pushes the Tall Guy away)
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!
Joey: The country?
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.)
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
Phoebe: (gets up and starts to leave) We want the last six years back!!
(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Joey: The country.
Monica: From here to the airport?
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
RICHARD: You really need the bassinet?
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel enters the apartment.]
Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.
Monica: What are you talking about? (Pointing out the window.) She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left!
Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...
Woman: (walking up to Mark) Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, Ill be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe Im sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Mike: Look it's not about who I would marry. And I was certain the first time I got married it would last forever. And I was totally wrong!
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Monica: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?
Rachel: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk)
Julie: And the spitting?