words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are playing with the duck and the chick.]
Ross: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.
Rachel: (entering, interrupting them) Hey guys! What's... (sees what they're doing and stops, the guys are stunned)
Phoebe: (to her date) Okay, and then this is the coffee house. This is where I play my music. (points to the stage)
Phoebe: Yeah, and these are my friends. People. This is Vince, Vince the people.
Vince: 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Phoebe: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Y'know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Y'know? Y'know, this kind've like y'know oat-sowin', field-playin' juggler.
(He goes over and sits down at the counter, all depressed.)
Chandler: (joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?
Ross: He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Joey: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."
[cut to Phoebe and Rachel as Monica returns from the bathroom]
Phoebe: (the fire has worsened) Oh my God!!!
Jason: Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department!
Phoebe: Well, we don't n-n-n-n-need a fireman, we'd, we'd like a good mechanic. (hears the sound of approaching sirens) Oh my God, here they come! Well, we gotta get out of here!
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Joey: Oh sure, go with the sissy.
[Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.]
(He removes the blanket covering the thing.)
[Scene: Pete's apartment, Monica is there to water the plants, and is showing the gang around.]
Monica: Okay, this is the den. All right, check this out. Lights! (the lights turn on automatically, but are very bright) Whoa! All right. Less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away! (they dim) Oh, see you just need to find the right command.
Ross: Yes, and the dimmer switch.
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) I-kea! This is comfortable.
Phoebe: God, that is the nicest kitchen.
Phoebe: No! But it's the nicest kitchen, the refrigerator told me to have a great day.
Monica: Joey, put that down! (the phone rings) Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone! (steps in front of it, and automatically answers it)
Pete: Monica? (the gang ducks and hides)
Monica: Oh its umm, good! It's umm, its good, just here watering the plants.
Rachel: (standing up) Ahh... Chandler's on the couch!!
Pete: I see him, you guys are just the worst hiders ever.
Monica: Ahh, Pete, the other day when you said you needed to talk, umm, just so I know, is it good news or bad news.
Chandler: So, what do you thing the good news is?
Joey: (looking at the checkbook) Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. (Monica is stunned) Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is?
Ross: Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom! Call Mom!
(The gang quickly hides again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is returning from Petes.]
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, Look how much money weve got! Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean itll be dry, but people will like it.
Chandler: Oh, so youre going with the teacher, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, its just Jasons so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive its just better than having just like a really, really, really nice (pause) butt. (Her eyes glaze over thinking about the butt.) (pause) Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!
Rachel: OH MY GOD!!! (She holds her hands up in triumph and the gang all look at her.) Sorry, I was just imagining what itd be like to catch the money bouquet.
Ross: Gimme this. (Grabs the herbalists card and leaves.)
Rachel: Yes, and I know that youd say no if he asked you, but Im sorry; how great would you look walking down the aisle in this Donna Carin. (shows her the picture.)
Monica: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. (Rachel slams the magazine shut in amazement.) I know its a little sudden, and its a little rushed, and its totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesnt mean I cant. Right? I mean Im-Im crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.
Phoebe: Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and Okay so Jason is sensitive, (holds up one finger) but now sos Vince (holds up one finger on her other hand) Plus, Vince has the body y'know? (holds up two more fingers on the Vince side) So Its really just about the math.
Phoebe: (knocks on the door) Jason?
Jason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?
[Scene: Phoebes Herbal Guys office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Guru Saj: I am Guru Saj. (takes the drawer back and replaces)
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, Ive attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, lets take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, its a koondis!
Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see resultsWhoa!! Clearly not the way to go!! (quickly wipes it off)
Guru Saj: Oh, I think I see the problem. And Im afraid were gonna have to use a much stronger tool. (Ross gives him a What? look) Love.
Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to
Pete: Lights. (The lights turn on, once again theyre too bright.) Uh, romantic lights. (The lights dim.)
Pete: And I feel like Ive conquered the business world, and I feel like Ive conquered the intellectual world, and now I-I have the most beautiful woman in the world.
Pete: Its time for me to conquer the physical world.
Pete: Monica, I want to become (pause) the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! Its the most intense physical competition in the world, its banned in 49 states!
Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Phoebe: (singing) Crazy underwear, creepin up my butt. (Jason enters) Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under-(sees Jason)-wear (In her head) Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. Youll get through this; youll be fine. (She tries to continue the song, but she has lost the ability to pronounce words, and the lyrics come out as gibberish.) (giving up on the song) Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show.
Phoebe: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.
Vince: You made him a candle light dinner in the park?
Vince: Uh yeah, I cant believe I ever went out with somebody who would actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooden area. (walks out)
[Scene: Guru Sajs office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
Chandler: (comforting the duck) Everythings gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
(The duck starts to frantically flap his wings, while Joey is holding him, in an attempt to get away.)
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night.
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.]
Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I cant believe it! What? Rachels pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Whos the father?
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Rachel: ... the WENUS?
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.)
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty.
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]
[Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.]
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, yknow what, lets look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then
Monica: (panicked) The oven is on.
(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole)
Rachel: The meeting with the guy went great?
Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
Ross: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs, what's going on?
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Ross are playing Madlibs. Phoebe is reading hers.]
Joshua: So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?
Monica: This is the most special day of our lives.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the ring he bought and not liking it.]
Monica: (still talking to the woman) All right, Ill do it just this once! But you cant tell anybody!
(Ross smiles slightly.� Then he gives a single nod that lifts him to his feet.� He exits the coffee shop.
Monica: Joey, why dont you put them in the lost and found?
RACHEL: That's not the end.
Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us.
Phoebe: Would you stop that! Do you wanna know the first thing she said when she came back from her lunch with Richard? She didn't feel anything for him. She loves you!
Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
Chandler: (singing) The sunll come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow (The girls start laughing, and in a deep voice) therell be sun.
Phoebe: (sees the table) Ooh, what a great table! Where-where did you get it?
Joey: Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine.
Phoebe: Oh he knows! (Quietly) For the most part.
(Cut to the hall. Owen is wearing his scout-uniform and is looking through a box when Chandler walks up to him.)
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are trying the home remedies again.]
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Phoebe are there, Ross is telling the gang, minus Rachel whos still being retrained, about the different cookie options.]
Rachel: (takes off her robe) Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} (In her head.) Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen naked! I'm picking up an orange. (Does so) I'm naked! (Goes into the living room) Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. (She backs anything that might have a point like a candle on her body away.)
Joey: What's the matter with Rog?
Monica: Well umm, we were just talking about the yknow, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether yknow, they were the right way to go.
Phoebe: Ohh, no. (Pause) Oh okay, so you're a cop which means you can park anywhere, 'cause I know that 'cause I'm a cop too. So, all right, keep up the good work. 10-4. (Tries to leave.)
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Emily: (checks the clock) Ohh, its time to go.
Molly: (goes out of the room) Hey! Guys, this is Tabatha (they kiss on the lips in a romantic way). (to Ross) I'll see you tomorrow.
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
Rachel: Okay, Im just gonna go over the basic points just one more time, are you ready?
[Scene: Rachels birthday, a time lapse has occurred. Rachel is coming back into the living room carrying a notepad.]
Sarah: (approaching with two filled balloons in her hands) Nobody! We put them in here! (Indicates the aforementioned balloons causing both of them to scream in delight and start drinking from the balloons.)
Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, its-its 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, Id better get cracking on this baby.
PHOEBE: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
Chandler: I know. *He* always wanted to be the first black man to cross the Atlantic.
Chandler: She had a point. (Shows her the receipt.)
Phoebe: Unless! She wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.
Monica: No, give me the...
(As shes saying that Joey is to pull out a chair and sit down, only Matthew comes running in from off camera and dives for the same chair.)
Rachel: (she's sad) Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital!
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
(The oven goes off.)
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Laura: Yeah, we had a really great night and in the morning he promised he would call me and he didn't.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
Phoebe: Oh. (She starts laughing. Then she throws the badge at him and runs away.)
(Sarah enters the room again, and stops when she sees her dessert is missing. Joey has emptied her plate, and has a chocolate covered mouth, just like a kid.)
Joey: Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing (The shutters that close off the kitchen.) and it kinda knocked me out a little?
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but dont you think you could at least hear the guy out?
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monicas guest towels?
Ross: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.
Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Rachel: Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I.
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Rachel: Hey, that is the babys problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh, everything okay with the waiter?
Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is going through the mail as Joey enters.]
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Joey: It's like the cheapest college ever.
Ross: Are you sure? (Chandler nods: Yes!) Hold on. (walks over behind the couch) Im sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a....
JOEY: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
MONICA: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. Wonderfullness is baked right in.
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
Chandler: Well, thats the best kiss Ive had with anyone Ive ever met in a mens room.
Rachel: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table.
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Ross: Well... not in the same way...
Phoebe: Well, maybe he wouldnt be she didnt bring the office home every night!
Rachel: Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world? Ooh, absolutely... Oh...! Yeah, but you know, this is... it's fine. I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten everything out of that I possibly can... (she sits down, and Ross who is stunned to hear all this follows her example)
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Chandler: (Tries to hug Joey but J. moves away) What's the matter Joe?
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, its the set of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. The producer is showing Joey around the set.]