words in movies
[Scene: The Hospital, Ross and Rachel, whos in a wheelchair, are arriving in the waiting room for the maternity ward.]
Ross: All right! (Checking his watch) Yes!! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes! We did it!!
Rachel: (deadpan) Yes, the hard part is truly over.
Ross: Wait a minute! How-how the hell did you beat us here?
(Chandler and Joey enter from the vending machines carrying sodas.)
Ross: Okay. Okay. (To the nurse behind the desk.) Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. Im Ross Geller. We-we called from the car.
Rachel: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross! (They walk away from the desk.)
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Rachel: (standing up) Okay. Yknow what? Id have to say I really dont care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem toWhoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Rachel is in bed, Ross is fooling around, and Dr. Long is checking on Rachel.]
Ross: Yeah, guess so. Whew! Check these out! (Hes looking at the stirrups on the other bed in the room and Rachel groans. Ross then hops into the bed and puts his legs into the stirrups.) Never done this before.
(A nurse shows another couple into the room.)
(They stop when they see Ross who has to struggle to get out of the bed.)
Ross: Umm say, I-I opened this earlier (The privacy screen) but let me give you guys some privacy.
Rachel: Oh no, I really dont want any(He takes the picture)Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross
(During the mutual contraction Julie takes a moment to point out theyre having a contraction at the same time.)
[Scene: The Waiting Room, the rest of the gang is lounging around.]
Phoebe: (looking at the clock) Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest.
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, time lapse, Ross is massaging out a cramp on Rachels hip as Marc opens up the privacy screen.]
Marc: I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam.
Marc: Julies cervix is dilated a seven centimeters, thats about four fingers. The doctor let me feel it myself.
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross comes out and hugs Mrs. Geller.]
Mrs. Geller: I actually needed to talk to you before the birth.
Ross: Gimmie! (Takes the ring and puts it in his coat pocket as Rachel enters the hallway.)
(Mrs. Geller leaves as Ross re-enters the room.)
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Ross is explaining to the gang what happened with his mother.]
Ross: she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why Im not with Rachel.
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Ross is returning to find another couple has taken the place of Marc and Julie.]
Ross: What happened to the Disgustingtons?
Ross: Wow! Sorry. So uh, how are the new people?
Ross: Umm. Umm, Im-Im just gonna(Closes the privacy screen.)
Ross: No-no, Im Im sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.)
(Sick Bastard sits down in a chair that enables him to look around the screen and stare at Rachel.)
(Ross shrugs his shoulders to Rachel and Sick Bastard closes the screen all the way.)
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Chandler is looking at the babies as Monica walks up.]
(The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.)
Chandler: Were trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Yknow Im not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?
[Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.]
[Cut to the elevator lobby, Phoebe walks up and sees a man in a wheelchair with his broken leg extended.]
Phoebe: Oh down please. (The guy tries to reach the button, but cant.) I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? (She pushes the button.)
Phoebe: Well, its a long story. Its kind of embarrassing. Lets just say there was a typographical error with a sex manual. (The guy laughs.) How about you?
Man: Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, thats me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it youre just visiting someone.
Man: Im in the middle (The elevator door closes, cutting him off.)
Joey: (standing behind her) Uh, you gotta press the button. (Does so.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Evil Bitch and Sick Bastard are gone and Ross has just finished talking to a nurse as Rachel stands and stretches.]
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Rachel: Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesnt need to be; shell still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! (Leans back on Ross for some support.)
(The next couple enters.)
(Rachel motions for Ross to close the privacy screen, which he does.)
[Scene: Another Waiting Room, Phoebe and Joey are trying to find out where the guy with the broken leg is.]
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient Im looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, hes like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.
Joey: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. Hes a patient of mine, Ive been treating him for years!
Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?
Chandler: Okay. Uh, well dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds its not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.)
(He hops onto the bed and they start making out.)
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
Joey: (looks in the window) Hes not really my type.
Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Dr. Long is checking on Rachel again.]
(Another woman with a nurse and doctor enter, the woman is screaming.)
Doctor: Oh my. Were gonna need to take you straight to the delivery room.
Rachel: Oh for the love of God!
Woman Giving Birth: (yelling from the hallway) Its coming! Its coming!
Doctor: And here it is! (The baby cries.)
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Cliff: Are all the questions this personal?
Joey: (checking the list) Yes.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, theyre brining in yet another woman.]
Nurse: (calling to the woman) This rooms available.
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
Nurse: I dont think the next patient is very far along.
(Another nurse wheels the next pregnant woman in.)
(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, continued from earlier.]
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Squeeze your legs together and cover the babys ears!
Janice: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I dont think youve met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologists office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.)
Sid: I still cant believe it! Im the luckiest guy in the world!
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Monica: (lying down on the bed) Okay mister! Fertilize me!
(Suddenly they hear Janice laughing, and it ruins the moment.)
Chandler: If its not, then theres two of them. And that would mean its the end of the world!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Chandler: Janice I didnt even know you were pregnant! Whos the unwitting human whos essence youve stolen?
Chandler: Thats funny. Does it-does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?
Cliff: Id have to say the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that youre making me eat him.
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
Ross: Yknow what I think it is? I think youve made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesnt want to leave.
Dr. Long: Actually, I think youre ready to go to the delivery room.
Cliff: Is this the same spoon that was in my cast? (Smells it.)
Cliff: Oh my God! Thats the doctor who was in my room before!
Cliff: Im telling you! The guy from that show was here in my room, asking me all these weird questions!
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)
Phoebe: Uh Joey, were trying to dial down the crazy.
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is finally giving birth.]
Dr. Long: Okay, the next contraction should be in about twenty seconds.
Dr. Long: Its the babys buttock, shes breech.
Ross: (from the floor) Keep pushing!
Ross: You have no idea how much this hurts. (All of the women in the room turn and glare at him.) Keep going! Keep going!
(The newest friend cries.)
Rachel: Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. (The baby cries.) I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, shes looking at me. Hi! I know you.
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Ross is taking pictures of Rachel holding the baby as the rest of the gang enters.]
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
Joey: Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so were good.
Monica: Whats the matter?
Ross: The doctor says its completely normal with all the hormones. Plus, you-youre sleep deprived.
Rachel: So? You guys are all sleep deprived. I dont see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh God. (Starts to cry harder.)
Joey: Whats the matter now?
Joey: What was the other one Ross?
Rachel: (gasps) Emma! (Looks at the baby and starts to cry.) See? I dont want it.
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Rachel is putting Emma down for a nap.]
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
Rachel: Well Thats yknowThatsWeve been alone for the last twenty minutes were doing okay. Besides yknow what? I-IMaybe we wont be alone, cause lately I-Ithings have been happening between me and Ross, yknow? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Yknow? So it might be the the beginning of something.
Janice: Im gonna leave the three of you alone.
Ross: Man! Did you see the kid on that nose?
Rachel: Umm that kiss before we left the apartment. That was some-something huh?
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Ross is looking at Emma as Phoebe walks up.]
Ross: Yeah. Shes putting her down now, thats her. (Points to the nurse putting Emma now.)
Phoebe: Im sorry, for the last time, why arent you two together again? (Silence from Ross.) No, I know. I know, because youre not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are.
Ross: Look, weve been together. Okay? And then apart, and then together, and then apart, and now we have a baby. (Pause) Its just if-if we got together again and it didnt work out I could never do that to Emma. I mean she-she thinking everything(Starts to cry.) Oh thats now me. What do they put something in the water in this place? Since Rachel and I were doing really, were doing really well right now.
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is in bed as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. (Notices shes wiping her eyes.) Whats the matter?
Rachel: Oh please, hell be with his real family, the twins and little miss new boobs.
(He moves Rosss coat to get the tissues and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.)
(He turns to face Rachel on one knee with the box open.)
Rachel: (seeing the ring) Oh my God. (Pause) Okay.
[Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachels room.]
{Transcribers Note: As with all the cliffhangers, there was no credits scene. There will be a ninth and final season of Friends starting sometime in September. See you then, have a good summer everyone.}
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Monica: Ross! The neighbors ate all my candy!!
Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldnt eat meat until she has the babies!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him)
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monicas boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
Rachel: Hey, hows hows the uh, miracle chair?
The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?
Monica: (entering with Rachel) All right boys, last chance for the tickets!
Rachel: And Im Rachel, an admirer of the building.
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
Phoebe: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.
Joey: You're one to talk. (Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan)
(He hands Joey the bag and he quickly counts its contents.)
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself <Ross and Rachel knock on wood> um you wouldn't get the baby.
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
Joey: Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis?
(Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.)
Assistant: Ain't that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.
Monica: He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle.
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are on the couch as a man enters.]
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Chandler: Not the disposable cameras from the tables.
Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're in the kitchen as Rachel enters.]
Ross: Im, Im sorry you didnt get to go to Spacecamp, and Im hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttles Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
Ross: In the death seat?!!
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me, ok. [goes over and grabs the phone that's sitting by Monica]
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Chandler: Id like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.
(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emilys hand, but she snatches it away from him.)
Phoebe: Im just helping the kids!
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. Ill see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Monica: It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week, but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do, I understand.
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
Monica: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonights specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bagWhy is nobody writing these down?
Ross: Okay, okay, Im sorry, it will never happen... (closes eyes) Uh-oh! Wait a minute! Wait-wait, now there are a hundred of you and Im the king.
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
Rachel: (seeing the ring) Oh my God. (Pause) Okay.
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Chandler: Batman has the Batmobile!
(The rest of the gang arrives including Parker.)
Chandler: Nooo!! Shes really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!
CHANDLER: OK, but uh, I hope you realize this means we're gonna miss hearing about the specials.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Sandy sit on the couch. Sandy holds Emma. Ross enters the apartment. Sandy and Rachel wipe their tears away with handkerchiefs]
Phoebe: Okay! All right, let's start with the handshake. Hi.
Chandler: I am strong! Ill show you! (He sits down at the table.)
MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
Chandler: Then, I might as well � (grabs the cigarettes) do this (lights one, exhales). Not really sure what to do now.
Joey: Oh God, what the hell am I going to tell him?
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]
[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel are arriving and see his parents.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.]
Later in the day.
Gary: Yeah well, being that he was the victim, they're usually pretty talkative.
Rachel: Yknow youre-youre probably wondering about the old date on there.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time has passed. The five are sitting around the coffee table talking.]
Ross starts playing with a plate: Woah. Woah... <nearly really drops the plate and more seriously> Woah.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is behind the counter as Ross enters looking for Chandler.]
Joey: And I gotta pay rent! Look, how-how about this? You dont fire me, instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and theyll start listening to all the nice things Ive been saying about you.
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Phoebe: Yeah... And that physique! You must work out all the time...
Rachel: What? Wait! Why why do you get the story?
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is going up to the counter.]
EDDIE: Oh, right, all right, you know what pallie I understand, consider me gone, you know what, I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow.
Ross: Thank you. (The nurse exits.)
Phoebe: No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.
Monica: Okay. Man, I have not made this many cookies since I was in the ninth grade.
Ross: Well good, okay. I-I, kind of think yknow if we if Youre wearing the ring.
Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys
Joey: Okay. Hey uh, when do I get to meet the robot?
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! Okay! (They run into the chapel.)
Monica: (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee as Joey comes from God knows where! Some back area of Central Perk around the corner that weve never seen! Weeeiiirrrddd .]
Monica: What about the closeness?
Ross: In the closet.
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is watching the Civil War videos]
Alice: Dont get me started. (To Phoebe) Anyway, umm, since there are three babies and umm, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honoured if you named the other boy baby.
Rachel: The diapers?
Joey: Well, ah, Im an actor. Im fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and dont worry Im totally okay with the gay thing.
Rachel (she flips the coin): Ha, tails!
(Emma continues crying in the background)