words in movies
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Monica are returning from their honeymoon.]
Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I cant wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
Monica: Youre really sticking with the shell necklace huh? (Points to necklace of shells hes wearing.)
(They grab the luggage and drag it into Joey and Rachels forcing Monica and Chandler to follow.)
Phoebe: So how was the honeymoon?
Monica: Oh, so much fun. But the best part is, we met this incredible couple on the way back.
Phoebe: That was the best part? (To Chandler) Good honeymooning tiger.
Chandler: Theyre terrific, and they live right here in the city.
Joey: Yknow what? Why dont you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here?
{Transcribers Note: Tradition was broken here as there were no commercials immediately after the opening credits, just more show.}
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Rachel are entering with the rest of the gang already inside.]
Ross: So, how was the honeymoon?
Monica: Oh great! (Shows them the picture.)
Rachel: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
Ross: The lie you just told.
Ross: Theres the one!
Ross: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time has lapsed, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Phoebe: I cant believe he taped the two of them having sex!
Chandler: Here you go. (Shows her the number again.)
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) (To All) Its the deli again!
Ross: (entering) Rachel wont talk to me! She wont even open the door!
Phoebe: Thats like the pervert motto! Yeah! Yeah! They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading a cereal box as Ross enters wearing the red sweater.]
Ross: Well, I mean its not all bad. Im learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.
Joey: The skys blue Ross and I had sex yesterday!
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
Joey: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying
Ross: (whines) Oh thats great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo
Ross: Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Ross enters.]
Ross: Great! Im across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!
Joey: Well youre not selling the story! Its like; its like you dont believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when Im preparing for an audition. Okay? Ill set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what youre doing wrong.
Ross: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know Ill help you out.
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
(They sit down on the couch, which is in front of the still recording camera.)
Ross: (voiceover) So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. [Cut back to the present day.] It kept rolling and recorded everything.
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are now sitting in the living room.]
Chandler: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler!
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You dont want to see this do you?
Phoebe: No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it.
Phoebe: Okay fine! Fine! Well just have to think of some other way to put the whole Who came onto who, thing to rest! Come on now, think!!
Joey: (confused) Are we watchin the tape or not?!
Rachel: Ahh, I dont believe you. I think you dont want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR)
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Monica: (taking Rachels hand) Sweetie okay. Its okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. Im fine.
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
Ross: (pause) Not on the ones we sent out.
Chandler: So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed! (Slams the framed invitation down onto the table.)
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best.
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Monica: You used the Europe story!
Chandler: Thats the magic story you use when you wanna have sex!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Rachel: So uh, apparently people are familiar with the Europe story?
Ross: Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesnt matter. I mean, I think it wouldve happened either way. I mean if you hadnt initiated it I-I-I know I wouldve.
(Ross grabs the tape and heads for the VCR as Rachel goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it.)
Ross: Oh, oh there go the clothes.
Rachel: Thank you! I had just gone to the beach that weekend.
(They both get out of the chair and run for the VCR.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler have gone through the phone book and found Greg and Jennys number which Monica has just dialed.]
Monica: (on phone) Hello Greg? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5 (Listens) (To Chandler) That is their old number! Jennys been giving it out since they moved!
Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Yknow what Greg? Yknow what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny cant see that then (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) Well see you then! (Listens) Okay!
(She hangs up the phone and they hug.)
MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?
Phoebe: Great! Okay, if youll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked?
(He kisses her on her shoulder, then her neck, then the side of her face, then just before he kisses her on the lips....)
Joey: Oh God. Uh, okay, heres the thing, this is the thing, okay, the thing is...
Chandler: What is the thing?
Chandler: Well, I have a girlfriend, Im-Im happy. So, I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop others from being happy.
Monica: (seeing her) Okay, lets go!! Lets hit the road!!
Rachel: (lifts for a toast) Okay, as everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast � to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Mike: (Ross opens the door) You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok? (She has her hands over her mouth)
ROSS: Hootie and the--oh my. I, I can catch them on the radio.
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
Ross: I cant believe this! I shouldnt be the one making her throw up!
Jester: Nobody sees the king!
Monica: Say it louder, I dont think the guy all the way in the back heard you!
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
Monica: Thanks. (Joeys still patting the burn spot) I think you got it!
(Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.)
JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
[Scene: The Street, Phoebe and Rachel are heading back from that Colonial flea market.]
ROSS: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. [goes to the radiator and starts turning the knob] OK, this way is on, so this is. . . [breaks off the knob] off.
Ross: (browsing the brochure) I guess...It still seems a little...(enthusiastically) moonlight boat ride!!
Monica: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!?
Ross: Ive gotta go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Monica: I-I am serious, I mean, we're, we're all over each other all the time.
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)
(She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire.]
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
(Monica and Phoebe look at each other and leave the apartment again)
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Chandler: Yeah, well. Its the right thing to do.
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
MR. GELLER: Press the button.
The Doctor: (seeing theyre not identical) But uh, this is a study for identical twins.
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
(The oven timer pings again.)
Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Rachel: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go to the dentist, just go.
Rachel: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Joey: I did that too! They wouldnt give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again theyd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them Im missing a ring!"
Joey: No, no, no! Its real! And it has been since 1998. (Rachel returns from the bathroom.) Hey Rach! Rach! Im up for a Soapie!
Rachel: (hiding herself behind the magazine and whispering) Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!
Phoebe: I cant help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, Im the one who found your phone.
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
(Monica runs into the kitchen from the terrace.)
Monica: (entering) Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight youre gonna have a bachelor party.
Rachel: Stop it! I will kill you. I hate the fact that my room is so small.
Ross: What about the time I said we were on a break?
Rachel: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa.
(They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do)
Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
Kim: Hi Rachel. Ohh, Ive been meaning to ask you. Have you seen the new Ralph Lauren sheets? Ohh, what am I thinking. Of course you have.
Phoebe: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound?
ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...
Ross: (He opens the door while faking a laugh.) Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. (Monica turns her head in shame.)
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Monica: What? (Monica sees the first couple and gasps.)
[cut to later, Rosss team has the ball.]
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]
Chandler: Well, lets just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Joey: All right, but in the future...
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his new bag.]
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Phoebe: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]
Monica: After the snap!
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
Joey: Yeah, it is! You wouldnt have lost the ring, right? Yknow what, Ross you were right from the start, he (Chandler) should be your best man.
Monica: (sympathetic) Oh. (in a pirates voice) So you made her walk the plank? Aye, matie?
[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]
Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you dont deserve this, you dont Ross. Youre, youre really, youre so good. (kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: The Geller Cup.
Monica: Because the winner gets this!
Monica: Okay! Very funny! Somebody let me out please?! Come on, Im cold! (She spills something.) And covered in marinara sauce! Come on! Let me out! (the door opens)
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Ross: Okay, where in the hell did you get that?!
Maitre D�: Good evening, Miss. (Phoebe turns her head away) Miss? (from the opposite side) Miss? (she turns again) Miss!
Rachel: Down at the docks again?
(Joey comes out of the bathroom reading a newspaper)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar for a cookie, takes his hand out, covered with pasta sauce]
[Scene: A newsstand, Phoebe is looking at a magazine as the guy from before walks by and picks up a newspaper.]
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel enters.]
The Museum Official: (on machine) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller.
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is a beeping noise coming from the living room and Phoebe sleepily goes to investigate.]
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...