words in movies
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Monica are returning from their honeymoon.]
Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I cant wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
Monica: Youre really sticking with the shell necklace huh? (Points to necklace of shells hes wearing.)
(They grab the luggage and drag it into Joey and Rachels forcing Monica and Chandler to follow.)
Phoebe: So how was the honeymoon?
Monica: Oh, so much fun. But the best part is, we met this incredible couple on the way back.
Phoebe: That was the best part? (To Chandler) Good honeymooning tiger.
Chandler: Theyre terrific, and they live right here in the city.
Joey: Yknow what? Why dont you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here?
{Transcribers Note: Tradition was broken here as there were no commercials immediately after the opening credits, just more show.}
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Rachel are entering with the rest of the gang already inside.]
Ross: So, how was the honeymoon?
Monica: Oh great! (Shows them the picture.)
Rachel: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
Ross: The lie you just told.
Ross: Theres the one!
Ross: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time has lapsed, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Phoebe: I cant believe he taped the two of them having sex!
Chandler: Here you go. (Shows her the number again.)
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) (To All) Its the deli again!
Ross: (entering) Rachel wont talk to me! She wont even open the door!
Phoebe: Thats like the pervert motto! Yeah! Yeah! They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading a cereal box as Ross enters wearing the red sweater.]
Ross: Well, I mean its not all bad. Im learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.
Joey: The skys blue Ross and I had sex yesterday!
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
Joey: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying
Ross: (whines) Oh thats great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo
Ross: Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Ross enters.]
Ross: Great! Im across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!
Joey: Well youre not selling the story! Its like; its like you dont believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when Im preparing for an audition. Okay? Ill set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what youre doing wrong.
Ross: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know Ill help you out.
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
(They sit down on the couch, which is in front of the still recording camera.)
Ross: (voiceover) So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. [Cut back to the present day.] It kept rolling and recorded everything.
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are now sitting in the living room.]
Chandler: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler!
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You dont want to see this do you?
Phoebe: No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it.
Phoebe: Okay fine! Fine! Well just have to think of some other way to put the whole Who came onto who, thing to rest! Come on now, think!!
Joey: (confused) Are we watchin the tape or not?!
Rachel: Ahh, I dont believe you. I think you dont want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR)
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Monica: (taking Rachels hand) Sweetie okay. Its okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. Im fine.
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
Ross: (pause) Not on the ones we sent out.
Chandler: So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed! (Slams the framed invitation down onto the table.)
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best.
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Monica: You used the Europe story!
Chandler: Thats the magic story you use when you wanna have sex!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Rachel: So uh, apparently people are familiar with the Europe story?
Ross: Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesnt matter. I mean, I think it wouldve happened either way. I mean if you hadnt initiated it I-I-I know I wouldve.
(Ross grabs the tape and heads for the VCR as Rachel goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it.)
Ross: Oh, oh there go the clothes.
Rachel: Thank you! I had just gone to the beach that weekend.
(They both get out of the chair and run for the VCR.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler have gone through the phone book and found Greg and Jennys number which Monica has just dialed.]
Monica: (on phone) Hello Greg? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5 (Listens) (To Chandler) That is their old number! Jennys been giving it out since they moved!
Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Yknow what Greg? Yknow what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny cant see that then (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) Well see you then! (Listens) Okay!
(She hangs up the phone and they hug.)
Rachel: I know. (Hugs him more violently this time and pushes him back away from the letter.)
[Scene: Phoebes Herbal Guys office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Rachel: Ugh, horrible! I did the stupidest, most embarrassing thing!
Rachel: Cos I was gonna say theres no way you couldve done the end the way you guys did it back then!
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
Phoebe: All right, the seven of us miss you.
Rachel: No, she left a message. (He starts for the machine.) (Stopping him.) But it-it kinda got erased. There's just (Pause) something wrong with your machine.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah. Well maybe you have heard about the Rent Stabilization Act of 1968!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's unpacking after moving in. There's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
(The phone rings.)
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Youre the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Rachel: (watching a television where the scene is shown, startled) OH!
Chandler: Treasure of the Sierra Madre!
CHAN: No, no, see? See? [the printer starts to run] Hey, it's printing. [to Joey, rattled] Hey, it's printing!
(they start playing again; suddenly Monica hits the table with her hand)
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
Phoebe: So listen, you know my friend Chris who owns the crematorium?
Phoebe: Rachel Karen Green, where's the other earring?!
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]
Ross: (on the phone) Goodnight sweetheart! I love you. And remember, you're daddy's little girl... (covering the phone, to Rachel) Phoebe's totally ruined that for me... (he passes the receiver to Rachel)
Rachel: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.)
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Rachel: Jill, honey, I think this is the best thing that couldve ever happened to you. I mean you needed to get out on your own anyway! And you know when I did it, I-I-I at first I was scared, and look at me now! Im the only daughter dad is proud of! Okay, well this is, this is what youre gonna do. Youre gonna get a job, youre gonna get an apartment, and then Ill help you and you can stay with us. Right Pheebs, she can stay with us?
Chandler: Okay. You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!
(We hear the backup horn of a truck and see through the window that the Mr. Bowmont has arrived.)
[Cut to Gary and Monica at the counter.]
Ross: What? (Glances over and sees the faces of the rest of the group, then goes and sits down.)
Ross: Alright, ok, let's do it. (Ross sits down at the desk and they all gather around him) Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! (Rachel and Joey look confused) And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
(The game resumes.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is in the kitchen as Phoebe enters.]
(Brenda pulls a chair to the counter and uses it to get up on the counter in order to clean the top of the cabinets. Monica sneaks over, bends over, and tries to see the stain. That doesnt work so she sticks her head between Brendas legs. Suddenly Brenda changes her stance and traps Monicas head between her legs.)
Joey: Oh, so we didn't win, but it's fun to play the game, right?
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
The Director: Okay, all right. Lets do it. (He walks off.) And Action!
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]
Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?
Joey: Uhh, the ball thing.
Joey: Hey, Rach, how you doing with The Shining?
(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they cant do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)
(She is wearing this giant straw hat, the brim on it must be at least, least foot wide.)
Chandler: Yes. Yes, and ah, ah, the trees are happy too, because for most of them, its the only chance to see New York.
Monica: Please... honey, leave the details to me. Now I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, ok, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white.
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
Phoebe: Well... but David, just... I just want you to know that... that... you know... telling you this... is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
The Producer: Im sorry, why dont we do that right now? Hes right here. (Points to a guy.)
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
(The AD walks away wiping his face.)
Chandler: That was a celebration of life. Alright, look, I�m not gonna do this. Alright, is this really the way you want a baby to be conceived?
[Scene: The World Premiere of Over There, Joey and Chandler are arriving in a limo and are about to walk down the red carpet.]
The Casting Director: Okay, anytime.
Gary: Here's the thing.
Emily: I did. Now I'm the idiot.
Phoebe: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?
Rachel: I have the best job in the entire world! The most adorable guy came over today, and I got to dress him up all day!
Monica: So umm, when I was in the shower I was thinking about our first night in London
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, shes crying out, Where are they, where are they?
(They throw the ball back and forth once.)
[Scene: Rosss bedroom, he has fallen asleep waiting for Emily to call. He is awaken by the phone.]
PHOEBE: Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the challenge.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
MONICA: Rach, get the heat. [Rachel holds up her hand with wet fingernail polish] Ross, could you turn the heat down please?
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Phoebe: Well, just buy the damn boat! (Shes still working her way through her tray of booze.)
PHOEBE: Ok, right there. That, that's the third sign today. Right there.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Tag are making out on the couch.]
Phoebe: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica are discussing how to bribe the Maitre d'.]
Ross: No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to
[The first clip is from The One Where Rachel Finds Out.]
Ross: Thats right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. (To Joey) Please dont take her from me.
The Man: I'm making change. I need change for the bus.
Carl: Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.
Joey: What the hell is that?!!
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.]
(They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a sweater.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is on the phone, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the kitchen.]
ROSS: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.
Monica: Y'know, Joey, I think it's time to give up the bag.
Ross: Tag? Y-You're going? (Comes over to Tag) Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again?
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
Ross: Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion?
Chandler: Let me see the earrings.
Monica: What?! (She accidentally starts the blender without the lid on it and fruit flies everywhere.)
(The gang is now eaves dropping in on the conversation, and is shocked.)
Chandler: Okay! Now I assume the Saucer card came up when you played last.
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
Monica: Listen, we dont have to make that a guest room, we can think of something to do with the room together.
Rachel: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
Rachel: Yeah, I think she wants the old one back.
Phoebe: Yeah! And look, (Grabs the pants) see how they expand as the baby grows? (Theres a stretchy part in front.) And then after the babys born, theyre great for shoplifting melons.