words in movies
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Monica are returning from their honeymoon.]
Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I cant wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
Monica: Youre really sticking with the shell necklace huh? (Points to necklace of shells hes wearing.)
(They grab the luggage and drag it into Joey and Rachels forcing Monica and Chandler to follow.)
Phoebe: So how was the honeymoon?
Monica: Oh, so much fun. But the best part is, we met this incredible couple on the way back.
Phoebe: That was the best part? (To Chandler) Good honeymooning tiger.
Chandler: Theyre terrific, and they live right here in the city.
Joey: Yknow what? Why dont you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here?
{Transcribers Note: Tradition was broken here as there were no commercials immediately after the opening credits, just more show.}
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Rachel are entering with the rest of the gang already inside.]
Ross: So, how was the honeymoon?
Monica: Oh great! (Shows them the picture.)
Rachel: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
Ross: The lie you just told.
Ross: Theres the one!
Ross: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time has lapsed, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Phoebe: I cant believe he taped the two of them having sex!
Chandler: Here you go. (Shows her the number again.)
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) (To All) Its the deli again!
Ross: (entering) Rachel wont talk to me! She wont even open the door!
Phoebe: Thats like the pervert motto! Yeah! Yeah! They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading a cereal box as Ross enters wearing the red sweater.]
Ross: Well, I mean its not all bad. Im learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.
Joey: The skys blue Ross and I had sex yesterday!
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
Joey: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying
Ross: (whines) Oh thats great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo
Ross: Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Ross enters.]
Ross: Great! Im across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!
Joey: Well youre not selling the story! Its like; its like you dont believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when Im preparing for an audition. Okay? Ill set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what youre doing wrong.
Ross: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know Ill help you out.
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
(They sit down on the couch, which is in front of the still recording camera.)
Ross: (voiceover) So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. [Cut back to the present day.] It kept rolling and recorded everything.
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are now sitting in the living room.]
Chandler: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler!
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You dont want to see this do you?
Phoebe: No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it.
Phoebe: Okay fine! Fine! Well just have to think of some other way to put the whole Who came onto who, thing to rest! Come on now, think!!
Joey: (confused) Are we watchin the tape or not?!
Rachel: Ahh, I dont believe you. I think you dont want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR)
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Monica: (taking Rachels hand) Sweetie okay. Its okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. Im fine.
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
Ross: (pause) Not on the ones we sent out.
Chandler: So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed! (Slams the framed invitation down onto the table.)
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best.
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Monica: You used the Europe story!
Chandler: Thats the magic story you use when you wanna have sex!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Rachel: So uh, apparently people are familiar with the Europe story?
Ross: Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesnt matter. I mean, I think it wouldve happened either way. I mean if you hadnt initiated it I-I-I know I wouldve.
(Ross grabs the tape and heads for the VCR as Rachel goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it.)
Ross: Oh, oh there go the clothes.
Rachel: Thank you! I had just gone to the beach that weekend.
(They both get out of the chair and run for the VCR.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler have gone through the phone book and found Greg and Jennys number which Monica has just dialed.]
Monica: (on phone) Hello Greg? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5 (Listens) (To Chandler) That is their old number! Jennys been giving it out since they moved!
Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Yknow what Greg? Yknow what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny cant see that then (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) Well see you then! (Listens) Okay!
(She hangs up the phone and they hug.)
Joey: Where the hell have you been?!
Rachel: Oh, its just not the right time.
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.
(At the same time.)
MR. TREEGER: No can do, like I told the girl, I can't get a new knob until Thursday.
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didnt feel like getting up. Okay, Im gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And youre going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
The Girls: You put your balloons down!!
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Joey: (notices something in the mail that Rachel brought in) Oh my God!
Joey: (on tape) Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat.
Rachel: (grabbing a beer out of the chairs fridge) I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself!
Ross: (exhales) I got it. (He lifts the box and grunts under the strain.) (Calmly) So hi, Im uh, Im Ross and this is my friend Chandler. (He shyly waves.)
Rachel: (She bends over to try and pick up the aspirin) Oww!
Phoebe: Oh, its bad. Its really bad. The only thing in there that isnt burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, Im going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, Im going to do the whole city.
Monica: I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.) Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell. (the girls hug)
Ross: Well I I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass! (The girls all laugh.) What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I am serious! I would kick his ass! (The laugh harder.)
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
Rachel: Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it.
Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radios broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasnt supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. Its my best friends, and Im officiating so I really cant work past four.
Joey: Well, you might wanna make a little extra, y'know youll probably be hungry after the sex.
[That's all folks, no teaser; just the big cliffhanger for season 6. Yes, there will be a season 6, and it'll start again in September. Have a good summer everyone!]
(She gets just about all the way over to him and falls into his arms.)
Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams down the phone)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Ross: I wanna get out of the room! Y'know, I I really miss downstairs.
Monica: Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!
Monica: So maybe they could umm, call the award the Monica?
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Chandler: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'?
Rachel: (handing her the wine) Okay honey, now I'm gonna try to listen from right here!
(He holds up a white poster with huge red letters. It reads, "Welcome Home Baby." There is also a huge red stain on the left of the poster.)
Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, Ill grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)
PHOEBE: (calling from the bar on her cell phone.) Hey, Mike, it's me.� Listen, is um, is Ross near you?
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is reading Chicken Soup for the Soul as Monica enters.]
Joey: Hey, (in the Joey voice) how you doin?
Monica: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth?
Rachel: Okay, um, I...(Phoebe walks into her room.) All right Phoebe look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. OK? I handled the situation horribly and I should not have lied to you.
Phoebe: Its not in the apartment? (Monica gives a Come on look) Oh no. I cant believe this is happening again.
Ross: (exhaling) The fear of Triscuts!
Joey: Wow thanks! (He goes into his bedroom and closes the door.)
Rachel: No-no! Dont dance for me! Please? Dont! (She gets up to yell at her friends.) What is the matter with you guys?
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
(the computer bing, bongs)
Rachel: Wow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butters done?
Ross: Theres nothing the matter with me. See, Im not completely devoid of sentiment, see I have feelings.
Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.
Monica: (jumps over a box) Honey, that's a great idea nailing the boxes to the floor!
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I havent thought about him in a long time (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Wills, Wills here on business and he didnt have a place to go so I invited him here.
The Lurker: I won! That was my quarter!
Phoebe: They have the best stuff in there.
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)
[Cut to the living room, Joey is eating a sandwich.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same night. There is a knock on the door and Chandler answers it to reveal Emily standing behind it.]
(Monica opens the door to Ross and Rachel.)
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
Monica: Oh my God! How cute is the on-call doctor?
(Phoebe opens the can and reacts.)
CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.
Monica: On three, 1 2 3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)
Ross: (at the door) And uh, Rachel.
[Scene: An airplane cabin, Phoebe has the aisle seat, Chandler the window, and Monica's stuck in that horrible middle seat.]
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
Rachel: And sorta just put the receipt back in your pocket?
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Chandler: Whats the matter honey?
Ross: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? (They all look at him.) Well, Im a potato or a spud. And these are my antennae. (Points to the colander with an old TV antenna glued on top that hes wearing.) So Sputnik, becomes (Theyre still confused) Spud-nik. Spudnik!
Rachel: Yeah, so lets get started on the wedding plans!
RACHEL: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling off her shoulders] Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I can't. . .
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Phoebe: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. Im so glad you could come, cause Ive got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge mustard stain on it.)
(Ross closes the door slowly.)
[Scene: The Bings�. Monica in bathrobe, merely covered. Someone�s knocking at the door.]
Joey: Well, the duck
[Scene: Outside the restaurant, Melissa, Phoebe, and Rachel are emerging.]
Rachel: So how is the uhm... baby styling business going?
Phoebe: (calling from her room) Are you under the sheet?
Joanna: (answering the phone) Yes. (listens) Uh, cant you wait until tomorrow? (listens) All right. (hangs up) Unbelievable!!
(They go into the hall.)
Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.
[Scene: The Set, everyone is dancing.]
Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
Jake: All right. Bye. (Backs out the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages and calls to return)
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
Phoebe: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells.
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
Ross: Oh yeah! Wasnt she uh (Does the international sign for big boobies.)
JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
Chandler: (To Ross) Thanks for picking out the earrings man.
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Ross: Oh whats the big deal?! I wasnt even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And-and yknow what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then well-well leave early as a sign of protest.