words in movies
Monica: Okay, the reason why I asked you guys out to brunch today is because I have been doing some thinking about who should be my maid of honor.
Monica: (laughs) Well thats the best part. Umm, you guys get to decide!
Phoebe: Wh-why is that the best part?
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
(The woman gets up and walks over to their table.)
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Chandler: Well, lets see (Finding the picture he wants.) Okay uh, is that her? (Pointing to the picture.)
Chandler: Well, cause she came back the third summer and shed gotten really fa-aa-aw-ow
Joey: Hey! Well I hope it goes better than the last time you did it for that girl downstairs, remember? (Phoebe glares at him.)
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Joey: Oh uh, me and Ross can be the judges.
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
Joey: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!
Ross: All right! All right! It was the best nap ever!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is approaching the bathroom door behind which Chandler is using the facility.]
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
Chandler: Because you kept talking to him while he was trying to go to the bathroom?!
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Ross: No, 10 is the highest.
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Joey: No, one man for the rest of my life? I dont know if I can do it! This means Ill never get to sleep with Joey!
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Ross: (playing the drunk uncle) When Monica was a little girl, I remember that(Phoebe screams and tackles him)Ooh!! Ow! Very good!
Rachel: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Ross: Okay Phoebe, I guess youre next (To Joey) although I really dont see the point.
(Joey and Ross pause while they picture the event.)
Joey: And shes back in the game.
[Scene: A random apartment building, Chandler and Monica are knocking on the door of the woman from the beginning.]
Chandler: (she opens the door) Julie hi! Chandler Bing, I, I guess you remember me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Rachel: No! Yknow what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculousWere gonna flip a coin! (Phoebe gasps.) All right?! (She flips the coin.) Heads! (Looks at the coin and grunts in disgust.)
Phoebe: The coins have finally forgiven me!
Phoebe: (running after her) Rach, its gonna be okay! (To Ross and Joey) You guys are the best!
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
Monica: In one year?! My God what did she eat? Her-her family! Thats not the point.
Monica: Well Thats not the only time this was an issue. You remember when umm, you spent Thanksgiving with us? You called me fat.
Chandler: Skidmarks still got a way with the ladies.
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Rachel: Oh, I forgot this was in here. Umm, this was the uh garter that I was saving for my wedding and I wanted it to be Monicas something borrowed and its blue. (Starts to cry again.) Yeah
Phoebe: Its fine. I mean, this is something that youve been thinking about since you were what, 14? (Shes referring to the Halloween picture.)
Phoebe: (looking at the picture again) Man alive!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Joey: (reacting first by jumping up) Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! (Heads for his room leaving Ross.)
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Phoebe: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. Im so glad you could come, cause Ive got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge mustard stain on it.)
(Ross closes the door slowly.)
[Scene: The Bings�. Monica in bathrobe, merely covered. Someone�s knocking at the door.]
Joey: Well, the duck
[Scene: Outside the restaurant, Melissa, Phoebe, and Rachel are emerging.]
Rachel: So how is the uhm... baby styling business going?
Phoebe: (calling from her room) Are you under the sheet?
Joanna: (answering the phone) Yes. (listens) Uh, cant you wait until tomorrow? (listens) All right. (hangs up) Unbelievable!!
(They go into the hall.)
Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.
[Scene: The Set, everyone is dancing.]
Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
Jake: All right. Bye. (Backs out the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages and calls to return)
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
Phoebe: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells.
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
Ross: Oh yeah! Wasnt she uh (Does the international sign for big boobies.)
JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
Chandler: (To Ross) Thanks for picking out the earrings man.
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Ross: Oh whats the big deal?! I wasnt even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And-and yknow what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then well-well leave early as a sign of protest.
(Meanwhile the race has been won by Phoebe's bear, followed by Joey's robot)
Ross: Then we have to await the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing which call into question information gathered from years of simple carbon dating.
Rachel: Oh, I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has! (Kisses him on the cheek and exits.)
Rachel: (hanging up the phone) I got the job!
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
JOEY: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.
CHANDLER AND JOEY: Hi. We're the guys who called about the baby. We left the baby on ths bus. Is he here? Is he here?
Joey: Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl.
Chandler: Make sure you put all that stuff back in the closet, okay?
Ben: (singing) Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer...
Rachel: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? (Danny nods, "Yes.") Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch!
Joey: The vicar!
Monica: What is wrong with this freezer?! (She jabs her arm into the freezer and a piece of ice flies into her eye.) Ow! Ow!!
Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. Im just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?"
Joey: And, a brownie! (Hands her a bag with the brownie in it.) Well, half a brownie. Actually, its just bag. Its been a long walk from the flower shop and I was startin to feel faint so
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Phoebe: You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe?
Chandler: Hey! Hows the boat?!
Joey: Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there!
Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.
Phoebe: Right, yeah, ok, I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault.
Chandler: Oh, so youre going with the teacher, huh?
The Cooking Teacher: Okay Joey, youre up next. (Tries one of his cookies.) This are good! This is amazing! You get an A!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Hes the one who slept with someone else.
Monica: What did I tell you about the hall?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are inspecting the damage to the dollhouse.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but you have to keep the name too!
Joey: Hi! How are the Gellers?
Joey: Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound of numerous car horns.) Get out!
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!
Joey: Yeah, he did, look... look, it's right there on the counter! Ha-ho-ho!
Ross: Oh... (to the others) Little heads-up would have been nice.
Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!
Phoebe: (answering the phone) (whispering) Ross, thank God.
Rachel: (Running back out the door with her passport.) Bye, Pheebs.
Passerby: Maybe because youve got the keys?
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, youre the next caller.
(The phone rings.)
Rachel: Oh my God! I bet thats him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! Its Rach (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachels hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?!
Phoebe: What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea!
Paul: I wanted to be one with the waves, yknow?
Joey: But between you and Phoebe, Id have to give the edge to Phoebe.
[Scene: The hospital. Rachel is pouring her self a cup of coffee. Ross approaches from behind.]
Monica: It's in the kitchen, I'll go get it.
Phoebe: Did you find the dress?
Phoebe: No that's just me coughing! (Doing some weird coughing noises and the dog barks again. Phoebe comes out of the room.) Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.
Larry: Just walking past the kitchen I saw 10 violations! I'm shutting this place down!
JOEY: It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of our Lives. And then I started thinkin' about all of u, and how these are the days of our lives..
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Monica: (coming out of the bedroom) You jerk! You know how much I love that kid! (starts to chase Ross around the living room)
Cheryl: Okay, um, don't take this the wrong way, but your place kinda has a weird smell.
Phoebe: Are you leaving "The Supremes"? (Monica and Phoebe go to one side)
MONICA: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was totally pointing at me.
Phoebe: Thats right, exactly. (sees them) All right, its a good bye kiss, thats good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what Im saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, Ive decided Im gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).
Alice: (running in from the elevator) Am I too late?!
[Cut to the inside of the apartment.]
RACHEL: I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when your nauseous.
[Scene: The house Monica and Chandler are viewing. Janice comes down the stairs.]
Rachel: Wow. (she exhales in amazement, blowing the candle out)
Chandler: I haven't... I haven't even thought about the results yet... I just assumed that everything was gonna be ok.
Joey: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"
[Scene: Rosss office, hes opening the door to Elizabeth.]
[Scene: The airport, Elizabeths flight is about to leave and Ross is there to send her off.]
Judge: Would you like to spend the night in jail?
(Inside the apartment the phone rings.� Ross answers it.)
Monica: The basket is totally empty! My God, the neighbors ate all the candy!
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Chandler: That's perfect! That's brilliant! (Starts going through the photo album)
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....