words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Well, it's just with uhm, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you?
Phoebe: You're not making the pies yourself?
Monica: No, no, no, I don't make chocolate pies. When I was younger I-I enter in this pie-eating contest. I ate so many that just the thought of them made me sick.
Rachel: Did you at least win the contest?
Rachel: Oh my God! That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard!
Rachel: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another, I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy...
Rachel: ...is something I'm very interested in! Oh please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that (in a deep voice, mocking Ross) what's in the inside is important...
Phoebe: Okay, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.
Rachel: Oh, take the clothes of Joey's Cabbage Patch Kid.
Monica: (Chandler's laughing) Did someone drop the baton again?
Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
Chandler: I'm telling ya! It's gonna happen. Next year it's gonna be you, me and the little Hemingway Bing. (pause) What, he's my favourite author!
Chandler: (after a long pause) "The Firm"?
Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Chandler: I'm serious, let me do something, just not the turkey or the stuffing, nothing "high profile".
Monica: Ok, let's see... Oh, the cranberry sauce, it is easy to make and no-one really cares about it.
Monica: Okay, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these (she gives Chandler a bowl with cranberries. Then, while she's going outside, she sees him with a bottle of soap in his hands) Not with soap!! (she leaves)
Chandler: Hmm, the game's at one.
Chandler: Look, Monica has been working hard all day, she didn't wanna host this thing in the first place, we shouldn't go!
Ross: We're still going at the game, right?
Phoebe: Oh, I know, we should have been more prepared. (she looks around) It's okay. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man.
Phoebe: (panicking) But Emma's got what it takes, she could go all the way!
Phoebe: Okay. Rachel, the hottest babies in the Tri-State Area are in this room right now! I overheard one of the judges say that not one of them holds a candle to Emma!
Phoebe: Well, she's gonna look all washed out next to the other contestants!
Joey: Oh, Bob, get off the guy!
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
Joey: (looks at the time) Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.
Ross: Oh, but it's a kind game! So we're a little late, you know, the girls will be there, let's stay just for one more goal.
[Scene: The corridor. Ross and Joey have just arrived.]
Ross: You may want to lose the foam finger!
Joey: We figured we could be late because you guys were gonna be on time (he points the foam finger at the girls)
Ross: Yeah, yeah, what's with the trophy!
Phoebe: Uh, we were at the Spelling Bee!
Ross: Let me see this... (he takes the trophy from Rachel's hands) Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.
Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.)
Monica: Do you hear something? (Chandlers stands up and goes to the door to look out from the peephole)
Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
Chandler: (looking through the peephole again) Ross' shirt is torn.
[Cut to the hall]
Phoebe: We're just... we're trying to figure out an excuse. Hey! Ooh! How about this: We can say that Monica told us 5 o'clock, not 4 o'clock. That way we're right on time! (Others start to agree but she continues) OR... or, we can plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.
Ross: (sarcastic) That would be a good way to get rid of all the PCP we have lying around.
Rachel: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time. (When she finishes talking, a note is pushed from under Monica's and Chandler's door, into the hall. Ross picks it up and reads it out loud)
Ross: (Reading the note) We know you're out there. (Rachel gasps)
[time lapse – they are still in the hall]
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
Phoebe: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon? (She places her hand over his "fire" and mimics a bursting water balloon, thus putting the fire out).
Rachel: Alright, enough, enough, come on. Let's just all go in at the same time.
All: Alright, okay. (Phoebe reaches for the door, and tries to open it but it's locked)
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Monica: No! Everything's cold. The turkey's dried out and the... the stuffing is all soggy.
[cut to the hall]
Chandler: (looking through the peephole) That's a lie, you went to the game, I can see Joey's hand.
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
Monica: That's all the turkey you're gonna get.
[cut to the hall]
Joey: (holds his fist up) WATER BALLOON! (he stuffs the slice in is mouth and gives the foil back to Ross)
Chandler: Guys, I'd listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it. (Monica looks at Chandler)
[cut to the hall]
(Rachel comes out of the apartment holding a pot. Joey holds in anticipation and Rachel opens it)
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.
Rachel: Oh, I know... I still have my old key! (She goes in to get it and comes back with her keys) We can just unlock the door.
Rachel: You know what? I don't want to be with them either, but it's Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together. (Goes to unlock the door)
Joey: (to Ross) Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
(Rachel finally manages to open the door, but the door chain is on.)
(Joey sticks his head through the gap. Monica and Chandler are now sitting at the dinner table. There is another smaller table full of food standing in front of the front door)
(Monica and Chandler do not look amused by Joeys head in the door)
Joey: Oh! It all looks so beautiful: the turkey, the stuffing...
Chandler: The cranberries...?
Joey: (still with his door wedged in the door gap, now opens his eyes wide and stares at Monica and Chandler as he did with Ross earlier in the hall) Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.
Joey: Come on you guys, we want you to know we're (His eye widen even more) very very sorry. (Monica and Chandler are now covering their eyes with their hands) (then to the others in the hall) Right guys?
(Ross head appears above Joey's, Rachel's below Joey's and Phoebe's at the bottom)
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Monica: (Gets up) Okay, okay. You two (to Phoebe and Rachel) go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
Monica: Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. You did remember, right?
Phoebe: Pies, oh, we thought you said priiiize (goes to the hall and comes back with Emma's trophy in her hand). Here! (gives it to Monica).
(Monica takes it and reads the label)
Monica: Oh my God! YOU FORGOT THE PIES? Well, I cannot believe this. You force me to make dinner, then you're an hour late and you forget the one little thing that I asked you to do.
Chandler: Well, you manheads aren't any better. You lied about going to the game. You knew it would make you late, and you still went anyway.
Monica: The three of us?
Joey: Yeah! You, Chan, and the vein!
Monica: Alright, well, this does not change anything. (to Chandler) Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Joey: I just wanna say that I'm sorry I referred to the vein as a seperate person...
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
(She squirts some of the grease along Joey's face.)
(And he starts licking the grease which trickles down his face. Monica also squirts some on the other side of his face, and his tongue follows her movements.)
Monica: Alright, we're gonna have to unscrew the chain.
Joey: I left them at the park.
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
Chandler: Okay, look, I'm gonna pull on the door and you guys push as hard as you can. Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, okay? Okay, so PUSH!
Phoebe: Just a sec., we're kind in the middle of something here.
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
(Monica enters from the spare bedroom.)
Chandler: (to Monica) Look! Look! Look what the... Look what... Look what the floating heads did!
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Monica: That was the adoption agency...
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
(They all cheer and hug again, but Joey's eating the food off his shirt)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
Joey: Sure. I went through the exact same thing with Alicia Mae Emory... The waiting, the wandering... Then one day... I get that call from Toys "R" Us... She was in stock!
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
THE END
[In the hall.]
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
Monica: Yep! You got the tickets?
The Teacher: Are you one of Bens mothers?
Monica: I get the dollhouse!
Phoebe: Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
(Mike's face changes from happy to sad, and he looks at the cake, disappointed.)
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Rachel: Okay, I need a, I need a drink! (Makes a beeline for the mini-bar.)
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Joey: Come in. Thanks for comin back, umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists!
Ross: Hey, when the snippy guy sees the routine, hell wanna build us our own platform!
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
[cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again!
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]
Ross: Oh-oh, wait, my mother is gonna be here any minute. And she has the keys.
Rachel: Well said. And a uh good example of the fun I was referring to uhh, but I just think Im past the point where I think I can yknow, just have fun.
Monica: (to the clerk) Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?
Ross: I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery... Hey Rach, so uh... how did your thing go?
MONICA: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on the table. Go across the hall.
(Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.)
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
Ben: (on the bike) Im ready!
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
Joey: Whoa! Hey! Whoa!! Hold up! Are you serious?! So like 3% of the time they dont even work?! Huh? They should put that on the box!
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Phoebe: That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Joey: What's the matter Ross?
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
The Salesman: You dont have, anything?
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
[Scene: Central Perk, The gangs all here. Monica is walking in.]
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Phoebe: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.
Joey: I like to see the previews. (Rachel looks at him.) The candy.
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, its absolutely state of the art.
(Rachel enters from the bathroom and sees the coat.)
Joey: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin good. When do I get to take that baby out again?
Hums While He Pees: Hey uh, I dont mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. I didnt hear you over all the winning.
Rachel: Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at her.) Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Monica: Whats the charity?
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!
(Monica pats Joey on the shoulder.)
Ross: You get the dollhouse.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Mike: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: Because thats the only part of you he can see when hes on the table!
(The phone rings.)
Kyle: we talked through most of the night and we realized that the reason we were so angry at each other was because there are still feelings there. So (Pause)
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Monica: That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!
Chandler: Nope, nope, Id just ah, Id rather talk to you. (pause) Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)
Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Joey: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same place, right?
Monica: I was laughing. (Patting him on the knee.)
ROSS: That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.
Chandler: Love what you've done with the place.
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
(He goes into the kitchen.)
Larry: Ahh that's the 2 points.
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
Rachel: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin.
ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.
[Scene: Ross's building's lobby, he and Rachel are about to attempt to take the couch upstairs.]
Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me.
Eric: (finds it) What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.
Rachel: Yeah but, you dont, you dont, you dont want to try to much too fast. Yknow? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast dont you?