words in movies
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
(The guy walks past them)
(The guy walks on)
Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
[Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!
Phoebe: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV)
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
(She kisses him on the cheek)
(...Then full on the mouth)
Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper)
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
Ross: Well... not in the same way...
Ross: He didn't get the goggles!
(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall)
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
Monica: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?
Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)
Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the door)
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight?
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
You don't have to be awake to be my man, As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say...
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy. His bed is empty.]
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?
Monica: I got you the foot massager.
Phoebe: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Joey: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
(She walks down the hall)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang.]
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Ross: Oke-dokey. (He pokes her in the eye with the brush.)
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Monica: So Im not supposed to share my doubts and fears with the guy Im gonna spend the rest of my life with?
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, Im doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? Im just doing it to get back at Ross. Im sorry, its not very fair to you.
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Joey: Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?
The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.
Chandler: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
[Scene: Central Perk, scene continued from earlier. They guys are sitting there like the Three Monkeys.]
(He moves to kiss her, but stops when he hears the duck.)
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
[Scene: Rosss Apartment, Rachel is entering and Ross is making some room on the shelves for his stuff.]
Phoebe: Rachel, come here. (Rachel walks over to Phoebe. Chandler sits down on the lounge-chair.) Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack.
Monica: Yes! Absolutely. Okay? Look, youll know its mine because on the right cup, the lacey part, theres a very noticeable rip.
Rachel: Be-because the last one was such a big seller?
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Joey: What? No, the only reason I'm going to their stupid new house, is so I can point out everything that's wrong with it, so they don't move. I'm gonna make them stay here.
(They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices)
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Monica: Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you dont cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it wont matter to me.
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.
Joey: Hey Monica! (Grabs her and pulls her into the living room.) People came to see a fight, lets give em what they came for!
Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.
Rachel: Okay! I got the keys! Okay! Okay!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are showing a couple of guys (Tony and Peter) the entertainment center.]
Phoebe: All right fine! This looks like so much fun. (Examining the bowl of wet paper towels.)
Monica: Im gonna go to the bathroom, maybe Ill see you there in a bit?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
JO LYNN: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.
Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Joey's on the phone.]
Rachel: I mean he was possessive, he was jealous, he could never just let the little things go!
Phoebe: A real man wouldnt just run to the hospital! (They dont stop.) No! What would, what would Krog do? (They ignore her and Phoebe is left alone.)
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Rachel: (standing up) Okay. Yknow what? Id have to say I really dont care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem toWhoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa!
Phoebe: Well, she's gonna look all washed out next to the other contestants!
Roy: Damnit. OH! (To Phoebe) Big surprise! The hunk of beef has feelings!
[The next flashback is from The One After The Superbowl, Part II. Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to see Jean-Claude Van Damme.]
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-Im having a great time! Yknow how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but its not. I mean its not at all.
Joey: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.
Phoebe: (hearing the signal) Im coming! Im coming! (She takes off towards the signal and almost knocks another woman over.)
Monica: What are you talking about? She just invited him to the biggest party of the millennium!
Chandler: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.
Joey: Sure. I went through the exact same thing with Alicia Mae Emory... The waiting, the wandering... Then one day... I get that call from Toys "R" Us... She was in stock!
Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
PHOEBE: Oh God.� Remember the girls' nights we used to have sitting around talking about you and Ross?
Phoebe: Oh please! Just before when you were asleep in the lounge! That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV. Oh, that reminds me. That Mr. Hasmeje still has my Gameboy.
(Phoebe and Rachel go to the back room and Emma continues to cry in the background while Chandler and Monica talk.)
Monica: It was a project for one of the Home Ec classes.
Air stewardess: There's nothing wrong with the plane.
Sophie: Yknow why? Shes got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
Rachel: Oh no, at the Grammies I always win.
Chloe: Relax. Its just Issacs D.J.-ing at the Philly. You should come.
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Monica: Then you two can, can sneak into the cockpit, and things will start to heat up, and then a stewardess comes in (Ross looks at her.) Ive been watching too much porn.
(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before.)
(Monica starts wiping down the stools, as Julio follows along behind her replacing the napkin holders.)
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Ross: Uh, uh... Sure! Uhm... "Dear..." (he takes the notepad)
Rachel: Oh, stop that! Dont kid about that! (Gasps) Will all the stars be there?
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Phoebe: Yknow, birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden.
Monica: Oh Im working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. (Hands him a picture.)
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang.
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
Rachel: Oh My God, Phoebe, thats not Ralph Lauren. Thats Kenny the copy guy.
[Scene: The Hotel, Monicas room, Mr. and Mrs. Bing are staring at each other while Phoebe looks on.]
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas and the strip before we arrive at 4 Queens bar, where Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table waiting for the show to start.
Monica: Okay, Im sorry. I think I can walk the rest of the way now. Just-just give me my boots.
[Scene: The Doctors Office, the doctor is writing something as Rachel is on the table, and Ross is standing.]
PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?
[Scene: Westminster Abbey, Joey and Chandler have successfully navigated the streets of London and are approaching the Abbey.]
The Flight Attendant: (To Rachel) Thank you! (Not sure of herself) Enjoy your flight?
Joey: Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks Ishould have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?
Monica: I cant do that either! The soles are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.
Joey: No thats not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th its like a guy never lived in here. Look, youve got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) Its spreading already.
Ross: What's going on?! (throws the love bug at him) That's what's going on!!
Bonnie: Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
[The next one is from Episode 401: The One With The Jellyfish, where Monica, Joey, and Chandler are relating that tragic day they spent on the beach.]
Jill: (on phone) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule.
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Anything you need man! But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair!
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
[they all run off after the guy]
(She holds down the phone to the twins again.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's grandmother is sitting at the table, reading the obituaries, and crossing out names in the phonebook.]
(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
Ross: Im telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Arent these the same flowers?
Phoebe: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're committed.
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) Im sorry. Im sorry. Youre right, you are a tough guy. Youre the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]