words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
(They both break into a huge laugh and do that stop motion thing they had at the end of ChiPs.)
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
(They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.)
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
Joey: (on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what theyre gonna say.)
Ross: It wasnt the best.
Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.
Ross: Well, the lighting was okay.
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
Joey: (hangs up the phone) Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? (Phoebe smiles, walks up to him, and presses her breasts against him.) It wasnt that good.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Monica are reading on the couch.]
Rachel: Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here!
Rachel: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. (To Monica and Phoebe) It was Ralph Lauren! (Monica and Phoebe gasp) Ralph Lauren walked into my office!
Rachel: Its the same story.
Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that hes so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.
Joey: Well, these really are the days of our lives.
Rachel: (reading the resume) And you were at this job for four years?
Rachel: Ive never interviewed anyone before. Ive actually never had anyone work for me before. Although when I was a kid, we did have a maid, but this is-this isnt the same thing.
(Theres a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.)
Rachel: (seeing him) Wow! H-umm! Hi! Yes, uh Im sorry the models are actually down the hall.
Man: Actually, Im here about the assistant job.
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sitting on the couch when some unknown guy comes in and sits in their easy chair.]
Chandler: Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering?
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You dont hire an assistant because theyre cute, you hire them because theyre qualified.
Phoebe: Lets see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh But no! No! You cant-you cant hire him, because thatits not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.)
Rachel: Okay youre right. Ill hire Hilda tomorrow. Dumb old perfect for the job Hilda!
Chandler: Let me see this guy. (Phoebe hands him the picture.) W-H-Wow! Dont show this to Monica! And dont tell her about the W-H-Wow!
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Terry: Here are the audition scenes. (Holds out the script.)
Joey: (looking between the pages and him) Audition? I thought you were gonna offer me the part.
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
Tag: Right. So I guess I shouldnt put good at noticing stuff on my resume. (Sets the plant down on her desk.)
Rachel: Yeah! You-you got the job! Youre my new assistant!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is setting the table for dinner as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Did you not understand the story?
Ross: (notices the table) HeyOoh! Whats-whats that, dinner stuff? You making dinner?
Chandler: No! (The oven dings.) Shhh!
Monica: No! No. Theyre umm Theyre just uh ground beef smileys. (Holding up one of the shells.)
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
Chandler: Nancy Thompsons getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)
Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what youre thinking, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and youre right, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Joey: Was she happy you gave her the job?
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Ross: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
(Phoebe rounds the corner.)
Rachel: (grabbing Phoebe) Okay. Well be right back. (They go into her office and she closes the door.)
Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that Ive ever done. But Im telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (Theres a knock on the door.) Yes?
(Kathy enters (Because shes listed in the credits).)
[Cut to a hospital room set on the Days of Our Lives stage. Two nurses are standing next to a bed with a man whose face is completely covered in bandages and reading his chart.]
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
The Director: And cut!
Joey: (jumping up and removing the bandages) Im back baby! Ha-ha-ha!
Monica: Yknow, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue.
Ross: And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me!
Ross: And! We should keep all the stuff uh, we told each other secret from everybody else.
Ross: Okay, (gets up) if youll excuse me, I-Im gonna go hang out with some people who dont know the Space Mountain story.
Chandler: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldnt hang out with all the guys in my office.
Rachel: (noticing him) Hi! (Puts the pictures away.)
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and we just got married at City Hall?
(they all jump up excitedly and try to see the ticket)
Ross: Oh, sure. Whoa-whoa, what's this? The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, youre the next caller.
Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.
(Joey comes in from the back of the coffee house)
Dina: Loosening the saddle on mothers horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired.
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone is ringing.]
[The next one is from Episode 604: The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance.]
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
Monica: Good. Okay, Im just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them.
Rachel: Y'know what else is really great about him, oh, what is the word for the adult that doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?
Ross: Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge!
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
(the actress slaps him)
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
Chandler: Yeah, oh, but I just keep picturing you rolling around with him with your cowboy boots in the air...
Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!
PHOEBE: No because I chickened out the last time when I tried to meet him. So I mean coincidences? I don't think so.
[Scene: Outside the restaurant]
Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister Ill let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
Phoebe: (feels his arm) Yeah the material feels so softhello Mr. Bicep! Have you been working out?
[Scene: Elizabeths Dorm Room, Ross is walking up to her door and knocks on it. Suddenly the door opens and Elizabeth drags him into the room.]
Joey: Pantyhose! Yknow? They way they start at your toe and go all the way up to here (He mimed that and stops when he realized he went to far.) I should go take these off shouldnt I?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Monica has all the supplies she needs and is getting ready to leave.]
Joey: But youre still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out today. (Shows him the paper.)
Chandler: Just give us the cheapest room you have.
(Goes over and picks up the remote.)
Chandler: Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel?
Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Paul: Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)
Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had.
Ross: Listen, I um I heard about the engagement.
Monica: Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors and get settled into the hotel.
(Chandler enters the room)
Ross: Nice, put it with the others.
Kathy: You really didn't have to. (Opens the box) Wow.
Chandler: Ok, how about this (picks up the remote control)?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Rachel: Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.
Joey: Oh, yeah, with the mug painting. Yeah. I was so listening to that. But ah, y'know what, I think I kinda need to work on my stuff tonight.
(They pause, and they the start kissing passionately, and taking off each others clothes, and they start to lie down on the pool table.)
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
Rachel: You took the same class twice.
[Scene: The 2001 Soapie Awards, Joeys category is up next and the presenter walks to the podium.]
Joey: Yknow what? Why dont you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here?
Ross: No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to uh, show her slides of my favorite fossils.
Rachel: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!
(As they turn the couch, Chandler gets sandwiched between the railing and the couch.)
Monica: My pink flowered bra! I recognize the strap!
Ross: There's something new in the bowl.
Ross: It's not the same.
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!
(She throws her bag inside, and starts to climb through the window. She gets halfway in and the window slams shut on her butt.)
Rachel: (shakes her head) I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing "Happy Birthday". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! (honks furiously, and Ross looks at her in disbelief and Rachel looks at him.) They have to learn!
Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.
Phoebe: Oh no! He's not getting away that easy! (Phoebe and Joey run towards the bathroom and enter)
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
Joey: (looks at her for a moment) What the hell are you talking about??
Chandler: Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, "Who's the best of that?" They'd have to go to you.
Joey: Thats her! Okay, come on! (They go over and open the door.)
Rachel: It just might be too hard, given the history and all that
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Chandler is looking at the babies as Monica walks up.]
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, my neighbor... (Listens) Yeah, the brunette... (to Monica) She says you looked very pretty the other day in the green dress.
Joey: Like this. (pointing to the picture) Pictures of cute babies we dont know. We..we cant have that.
[Scene: In the hall]
Monica: In the hall.
MONICA: (holding up a blanket) Where's Benny? (drops the blanket) There he is! (does it again) Where's Benny, there he is.
Chandler: Cheese, its smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.
Monica: What the hell are you cooking!
Joey: The hardware store is right down the street.
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Joey: Here. (Gives her the coins) Now I only owe you $49.50.
PHOEBE: I didn't watch the ending, I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."
(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monicas new boxes.)
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
Joey: (entering the room) Hey!
[Scene: The Theatre, after the party. Joey is trying to comfort Kate.]
Rachel: Of course he will! But Chandler the most important thing is you forgive yourself!
Chandler: Dont worry, Im brave! I am brave! I I am brave! (They get to the door and Monica goes to open it.) No-no-no-no!! (He stops her.) (Through the door.) Can you tell me who is there please?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are cleaning up the mess.]
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
Ross: I've lost the will to live.
Joey: Yeah, you didn't even use the tools for most of it!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey and Chandler are coming back from the game.]
Monica: Its out on the island. Its in Massapequa.
The Dry Cleaner: Yes, it was very offensive to my people!
Rachel: Well, uh something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up and uh, she wants you to call her.
Rachel: Yeah, we found them. There were in the guest room closet behind some coats.
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
[Scene: The Roof]
Monica: The game's over! Take off your robe!
Chandler: Where the hell is everybody?
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
Monica: (to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys!
Phoebe: Okay. All right, this is my favourite part of the weekend, right now, this.