words in movies
Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach-aches. They come and go like every few minutes.
(He walks over and kisses her. They pull back, Rachel looks at him, and they kiss again.)
(They kiss.)
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...
Phoebe: (interrupting) Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the farm.
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
(They walk over to the door.)
Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
Monica: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
(They all walk over to see the baby.)
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Joey: Oh, they're so cute! Now, what, what kinds are they?
(They hug.)
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
(They drive up to a toll-booth.)
Joey: Yeah, yeah, they must have jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!
(Suddenly, they hear the birds.)
(They realise that the birds are in the foosball table.)
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
(They run to the ticket counter, but they get stuck behind a group of old people who are walking very slowly.)
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Shoot, they were doing it before.
Monica: Oh, wait, wait, wait! Here they go again.
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
(They kiss again.)
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Rachel: Well, lets see. Uh, they gave me cute doctor today and in the middle of the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple.
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didnt even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, dont. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Phoebe: What are they?
Rachel: I guess you werent there. (They hug.)
[Cut to Chandler and Monicas as they enter.]
The Director: (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)
All: All right. Okay. I'm starving! (They all get up, thus officially ending the game.)
Phoebe: (looks) Oh my God, youre right! I am too late; theyre sitting on the couch and talking! (To Patrick) Come on! (They go over to the couch.) Rachel?
Mrs. Green: I know, my daughters told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
ROSS: Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.
(They both step up onto the altar and she notices the rabbi.)
Joey: Why would they take away our keys?
DR. HORTON: No, no, they only said you.
(They both notice that Kristen has left.)
Phoebe: Oh and theyre gonna have a baby.
[Scene: The Porsche, they have pulled over and are awaiting the cop to come talk to them.]
(they all drink from the champagne, but clearly dislike the taste of it)
(They both laugh.)
Rachel: I cant believe theyve been together for three years.
(They frantically start making out.)
The Guys: Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)
(They all start laughing.)
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isnt perfect? Everything isnt magical? Everything isnt a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts. Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket.)
(Monica screams and they all stare at her.)
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this... I'm wanting them to get to know Phoebe, not (accent) Phoebe...
Monica: I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked.
(They walk onto the dance floor and Chandler slips and almost falls.)
(They enter.)
Chandler: You are incredible. Unless, I�I�m not gonna smoke again. And if I do, I promise, I will hide it so much better from you. (they kiss)
Erica: Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie with my cousin and then out for dinner. We went to this place that had... Ooh... (she looks likes she is in pain, holding her belly) Hoo... ooh... Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers.
[cut to the gang, theyre all stunned]
Rachel: Oh I know. I know. (They hug.)
Monica: They wont be ready for weeks.
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
Joey: All right, I should get going, big day a work. Yknow Im in a coma? Today, they do this test on me and it turns out Im not brain dead.
Rachel: Youre supposed to realize that they are adults! And that they can make their own decisions.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Ross: What? Rach! Come on, thats terrible! Theyre uh theyre babies. Theyre-theyre all beautiful.
Monica: Theyre my pants!
(They get into position to pull the turkey off.)
(They both go out into the hall.)
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
(They separate.)
Rachel: I know! (They hug.)
Ross: IThey would not let us get married when we were that drunk!
Phoebe: What?! They took mine to give to you!
Joey: I dont have a key, they took mine to give to you.
Phoebe: Maybe they dont trust us.
Rachel: Of course theyre listening to you! Everybody listens to you.
(They go up to the counter.)
ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.
Rachel: They do!
Ross: What? What? What?!! Well they should put that on the box!!!
Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)
Monica: No, they were really cool. They were on their honeymoon too!
Rachel: Im sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didnt know what to do.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is on his date with Kristen and theyre drinking wine.]
Emily: Oh my God! What are you doing here? (They hug)
(In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)
Estelle: Yeah, they wanna see you again tomorrow.
(They both sit down.)
Monica: My dad told me. They play golf together.
(She hangs up the phone and they hug.)
Fat Joey: Thanks sweetheart. Give me a little sugar here. (They kiss.) Okay.
Joey: (muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and its gonna help me not to snore.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
(They go inside and Ross closes the door. When he turns around Elizabeth walks up to him, pushes him back against the door, and starts kissing him.)
(They both look at Phoebe.)
(They sit on some front steps.)
Monica: (entering) Hey guys! Do you wanna look at the song list for the wedding? (They ignore her.) Guys?
Frank: Yeah, and they-and they say that our-that our only chance to have a baby is that if they take my sperm, her egg and put it together in a dish and then put it into another girl. So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into.
Rachel: Theyre in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny when my parents got divorced, they sent me to this shrink, and she told me that all kids have a tendency to blame themselves. But in your case it's actually kinda true.
Ross: Well, it was loong. I didnt even realise how late it was, until I noticed the 5 oclock shadow on her head. (They both start to laugh, then stop themselves quickly.) Anyway, she didnt want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.
(They edge closer to the phone on the table.)
Ross: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? (They all look at him.) Well, Im a potato or a spud. And these are my antennae. (Points to the colander with an old TV antenna glued on top that hes wearing.) So Sputnik, becomes (Theyre still confused) Spud-nik. Spudnik!
(They walk away.)
Phoebe: But theyre not!
Ursula: Well they could be true.
Rachel: Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! Theres some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.
(They both go over to light the candles.)
Phoebe: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.
Phoebe: Yeah, you should. (They shake hands.)
(They both exit.)
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldnt be a secret, and we wouldnt have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)
Joey: Im sorry, I just I like things the way they are.
Rachel: No! Come on! Dont make me go long. Use me. They never cover me.
(They exchange looks, smile, and shrug their shoulders before Ross suddenly lunges forward in an attempt to kiss her, but she expertly backs away.)
(They kiss and she starts to leave.)
Chandler: Apology accepted. Excuse us. (They try to enter again.)
Rachel: Okay, they are. (No they're not.)
(Ross continues his trek south, and when they get face to face.)
Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
Burt: Theyre gonna fire you! You cant date a student! Its against the rules.
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
(Chandler opens the door and Monica sneaks up on it. They go inside.)