words in movies
[Cut to inside Monica and Chandlers, Monica, Chandler and Joey are eating breakfast.]
Monica: Joey, you have to talk to her!
Joey: No-no, I cant! I cant! Not after the other night, its just its too weird, okay? Dont tell her Im here! (Turns to run to the bathroom and his bagel falls off the plate onto the floor.) Dont eat that! (Runs to the bathroom as Rachel enters.)
Chandler: I dont see him. (To Monica) Do you see him?
Monica: (To Joey) Okay, did you hear that?
Joey: Yeah, a naked bagel game? (Picks up his dropped bagel.) (To Chandler) Dude, I dont know. Thats a pretty small hole.
Monica: Honey, you gotta talk to her.
Joey: I cant! Yknow? You guys dont know what its like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.
Chandler: (incredulous) I dont know what thats like?! Up until I was 25 I thought the only response to, "I love you," was, "Oh crap!"
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know its weird, its awkward, but you gotta at least try.
Joey: Yeah. Okay. (Goes to take a bite out of the previously mentioned bagel.) Whoa! (Stops.) I almost forgot this was on your
Phoebe: Oh yeah, Ive done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. Yknow, and-and yknow, one of the great joys of life is its-its wondrous unpredictability. Yknow? And also tea tends to give me the trots.
Rachel: Well just ask Mona to give it back!
Ross: I dont know. I mean I-I guess I could. Its just that we didnt really end things such good terms. And if I go over there Id be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up, jump up my own ass and die. (Walks away.)
Phoebe: (noticing a guy sitting by the green post looking at her) Oh wait a second you guys for the last couple weeks Ive been that guy everywhere I go. We take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe hes the tea guy. (He gets up to leave, and smiles at Phoebe.)
(He slowly walks to the other side of the couch and sits down at the table, an awkward silence follows.)
Rachel: So I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out, but its not even like we know how to be with each other anymore.
Rachel: How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to the point where we cant even be in the same room with each other?!
Monica: Okay. No need to panic. Deep breathes everyone. Okay umm uh, were just gonna have to spend some time and put the CDs in the right cases.
Monica: Hmm, I dont know. We really have to talk this through.
Monica: Okay, I-Im sorry. You and Joey, your both focusing on this uncomfortable thing, what you need to do is to change the subject. Next time you see him try to get him talking about something else.
Monica: Good. (To Chandler) Uh honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?
Monica: Uh I really dont know what to tell you Rach, I really dont. I mean, maybe Joey can help you out with your, with your big work problem.
Monica: Yeah Joey shes Rachels got this really big work problem, and it is a head scratcher. Wow! (To Chandler) Yknow what, if were gonna make dinner were gonna have to leave. Yeah. (She and Chandler exit.)
Rachel: My boss wants to buy my baby!
Joey: What he wants to buy your baby?!
Rachel: Well Ill tell ya! (Pause) See uh my-my boss and his wifeThey-they cant have children. So umm, and thatwe were at the Christmas party, and he got drunk, and he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
Phoebe: Well, maybe we will. (Starts to walk away.) Oh! (She turns around and the exchange information.)
Ross: Mona? (Theres no answer, so he starts to leave but remembers where her extra key is. He reaches atop a hall light just outside her door and grabs the key. He looks at in triumph as the pain from it being hot moves along his nervous system to his brain, and when it arrives his brain orders his hand to drop the hot key and his mouth to squeal in pain. After dropping the key he pulls his shirtsleeve over his hand and uses the key to open the door and enter Monas apartment.) Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? (He hears a key in the door and as it opens he dives behind the couch.)
Mona's Date: Oh umm, I-I dont know if I want to wear a womans shirt.
Chandler: Oh my God, honey we are so meant to be together. We both have copies of the Annie soundtrack.
Phoebe: Isnt it funny how we kept running into each other? Its as if someone really wants us to be together.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im a masseuse, and I used to work at this place
Jim: Do you like to party?
Phoebe: Okay. Umm look, youre coming on a little strong. But Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants to be together. So, why dont we just start over okay? And you can just tell me about yourself.
Jim: Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.
Rachel: Hey! Oh Joey, honey listen, thank you for talking to my yesterday about that thing with my boss. That really meant a lot.
Joey: Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know, that guys not going to be bothering you about that baby thing anymore.
Rachel: No! No, no-no-no Joey he doesnt want to buy my baby! I made that up!
Rachel: So that we would have something to talk about! So it wouldnt be awkward!
Monica: You said your boss wants to buy your baby?!
Rachel: (To Joey) I cant believe that you yelled at my boss! Im-Im gonna lose my job! What am I going to do?!
Joey: You lied to me!
Rachel: Well, she told me too! (Points to Monica and Joey glares at her.)
[Scene: Monas Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Monas date takes off Rosss shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
Rachel: Morning. You wanted to see me?
Rachel: Yeah. (Motions for him to continue.)
Mr. Zelner: Ive asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase.
Phoebe: I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store
Phoebe: A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy and thats what they gave me? (Looks up) When I get up there Im going to kick some ass.
Phoebe: Oh, you didnt have to come in with me.
Monica: Are you kidding? This is where they get out stains! Okay? This is like Disneyland for me. Im-Im gonna be over here watching the dance of the clean shirts. (She points to and walks over to the electric clothes rack they have.)
Guy: (To Phoebe) Oh, excuse me! I think you dropped s (looks at Phoebe.) Wow!
Phoebe: Oh yeah well, Im sorry about that too, but what are you going to do?
Guy: I hope you dont think Im crazy but I feel like I was meant to pick this up, do you believe in that kind of thing?
Phoebe: A little. (She turns around and looks up.) (To the universe) Now youre talking.
Guy: Would you like to go out and have a cup of coffee?
Phoebe: I-I-Id love to. Let me just tell my friend.
Monica: (to the clerk) Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?
Chandler: Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of there way to show theyre not in the baby buying business.
Rachel: Joey, Im really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things
Rachel: My gynecologist tried to kill me.
Ross: (on phone) Item J437-A, color: winterberry. (Theres a knock on the door as he hangs up the phone. He answers it to Mona.) Hi umm, listen come here, come in. (She does so.) Im so-so sorry about yesterday. I-Im really sorry. Its just that I (He picks up the pink shirt.)
Mona: (interrupting him) Listen Ross, you dont have to apologize. I understand why you were there.
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Ross: (faking starting to cry) Oh God youre right.
Mona: Ross, we we have to be strong. Okay, I-Im gonna go. (She picks up the shirt Ross has just set down.) Can I? To remember you?
Earl: Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya. (Hangs up.)
Ross: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didnt tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend.
Phoebe: Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?
Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.
Rachel: I know. But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me tonight, I'm sooo gonna let them! (They spot Chandler)
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.
Ross: Wow! The only thing I got from my Grandmother was her eyes. I mean not-not her actual eyeballs, but, but people say that my eyesDo-do you want to make out?
(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin.)
Rachel: I dont know, you thought See you Saturday was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.
ERICA: I should just be happy to be near you.
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
Erica: Actually, I don’t think we have to.
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Joey: (raises his hand and points to himself again) Ken Adams!!
Monica: No-no, I-I really dont want to talk about it! I dont! (To Rachel) Especially with you. (Goes into her room.)
[Chandler tries to warn Phoebe that the woman is coming on to her, but Phoebe doesn't see him.]
Chandler: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.
MONICA: Give it to me.
Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
Rachel: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?
Ross: And what did he ask you not to call him?
Aurora: (gets up to leave) Well, call me if you change your mind.
Rachel: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.
David: I keep a straight face he-he delivers like this look, a reaction to you, or a certain take, I-II mean I find it so funny.
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
[Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking up to the movie set.]
Monica: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and Monica glares at him.)
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Phoebe: Yeah. But I also believed her (points to the phone) when she said I was next.
Chandler: They dont really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.
Rachel: Yknow what, I-I have to go talk to her, would you let me just get changed?
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, shes not in the best of moods having just found out Rosss dirty little secret.)
MONICA: C'mon. Keeps his fingers to himself and he's always minty fresh.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
RACHEL: Wow, so why don't you go talk to him?
The Cigarette Smoking Guy: (No, not the Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files.) Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
Chandler: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.
[back to Rachel and Monica]
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Monica: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?
[Flashback to Chandlers thirtieth birthday party. It is also being held in Monica and his apartment. He is about to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.]
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
[Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is opening the door to Monica.]
CHANDLER: You want me to wear your panties?
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are still debating about how to tell Rachel that Chandlers moving in and shes moving out.]
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.
JOEY: Hey Phoeb's, I think you're good to go.
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Joey: (entering) Oh uh, hey Pheebs. Uh yknow what? Ill-Ill come back later. (He goes to leave but runs into Ross whos entering.)
Rachel: Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. (Exits.)
Monica: Now there you go! I wouldnt want my best guest to strain her eyes!
Ross: So youre strong enough to face her on your own?
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
[Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.]
Ross: Youve got to be kidding me!
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
Chandler: Nope! Because Im not your boyfriend. (to Phoebe, whos entering) Hey Pheebs, how did it go?
RTST: Aren't you going to swallow that?
Ross: Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I-I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go!
Ross: Nothing! Theres nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-shed have to uh, move here. She should move here!
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.]
CHANDLER: No, no, you don't have to see.
Joey: (Checks him out) Okay! (Walks over to his table and sits down with him)
Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.
Rachel: What? Oh, well then yknow what? I think Monica would be very interested to know that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy.
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Rachel: Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?
[Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebes work), Frank is being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by another girl.]
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Ross: Okay, forward. ForwardStop! (The car moves an inch and Ross runs to the back of the car.) Okay, backStop! (The car barely moves and Ross runs back to the front.) Okay, forwardStop! Stop! Stop!
Gunther: (to Ross) Thanks for not marrying Rachel. (He starts to leave.)
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Gary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. (Joey slowly moves off of Ross.) Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.]
JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.
Ross: Things you find in the ocean, (to Joey) You're gonna be on "Pyramid"!!
Ross: No, us having to lie about being married.
Rachel: Oh sorry didnt mean to interrupt. Its just such a beautiful space; do you do a lot of weddings here?
MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.
Phoebe: Yeah okay... yeah, your mom... okay... She looks nice, I can talk to her.
Joey: Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but for your house-warming gift, I got you a baby-chick and a baby-duck!