words in movies
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
MONICA: Give it to me.
MONICA: Give it to me.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey you guys, you will never guess who's coming to New York.
MONICA: [Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.
MONICA: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
MONICA: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
[He walks out of the bedroom and Monica starts to remake the bed.]
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is walks up to the door and knocks.]
PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox.
RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face.
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.
PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
PHOEBE: Let's just play, ok. Good, ok. [She picks up the dice.] Here we go, double sixes, here we go... [She starts to rub the dice all over herself.] Here we go, come to mama, just getting ready to roll the dice...
[They get back to back and start rubbing against each other. Ross and Rachel enter.]
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better.
CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you.
JOEY: Hey, hey, I just figure Joseph's the kinda guy that likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some feathers.
JOEY: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say.
RICHARD: Ooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring something too?
MONICA: This is for the scratchy twins out there. I taped oven mits to their hands.
RICHARD: You're gonna do what to my clocks.
MONICA: I'm gonna set them to my time.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.
JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.
[They start to kiss. They try to get each other's shirts off but can't get the buttons undone.]
RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.
MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, and Ryan are there. Ryan is in uniform, getting ready to leave.]
RACHEL: So uh, Ryan, were you shipping off to?
RACHEL: Well do you get to look through one of those like, those periscope thingys.
RACHEL: It was nice to meet you.
RACHEL: Well then uh, we better make this night count. [He starts to carry her out.] Oh wait, I forgot to turn off the cappucino machine. [He carries her over to turn it off.] Anchors away. Oh no no, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my pu rse. [He carries her to the counter to pick up her purse.] Oh, you know what. I forgot to turn off the bathroom light.
Ross: (To Whitney) Yknow, he hums when he pees!
Ross: You know what? Enough! Enough talking! I have to get moving! Hey check out those two blondes over there!Hey come with me!
Chandler: (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didn't make us sound gay at all!
Rachel: Yeah, sure. (To Monica) All right, whose court is the ball in now?
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over to Rachel.) Hey Rach?
(Rachel is slowing trying to leave and let them talk.)
Steve: Oh, okay, I get it. (Starts to leave.)
Amy: Not really. But you are much cuter then that geeky guy she used to date.
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her!
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Monica: Okay, does it involve something to do with Petes computer company?
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Steve: Go back to 3-B, 3-B!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.]
Frank: Yeah, Ive been thinking ever since you said we were having triplets, the best thing for me to do is to drop out of college and get a job.
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Joey: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there (Points to where the window is but sees that there isn't any space there and points towards his door.) by-by that speaker. Please, just stay!
Joey: Yeah, a naked bagel game? (Picks up his dropped bagel.) (To Chandler) Dude, I dont know. Thats a pretty small hole.
Monica: Ugh, I can not believe this! I mean, who is she to judge us? We could not have been nicer to her!
Rachel: (To Monica) Yes.
Joey: Does it have to be a whole day?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(A worker comes to open the door and the horde starts to press forward.)
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
Rachel: Well, what are you going to wear?
Ross: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. (Rachel has moved closer, but hearing that she starts to back up.) Was there a second of all?
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Chandler: No, but waitwhat if I bought it from you, yknow? And your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price, say (Gets choked up) $1,500?
Doctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
Phoebe: To Ross.
Joey: So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And yknow who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks.
Monica: Well, you don't have to decide right now, but if you could just look at our file...
Phoebe: No, I can handle it. No, Im a professional. (She starts to leave)
Monica: Well, what am I going to say?
Benjamin: Alright, it's true. I behaved horribly. But it's only because I still love you. And I would do anything to have you back in my life.
Ross: You want me to call her right now?
Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
(He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.)
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Ross: Chandlers gonna ask Monica to marry him!
[Cut to Chandler trying to hint to Monica that he wanted to move in with her in The One After Vegas.]
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Monica: Yknow what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza.
JADE: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?
Rachel: (jumps at the chance to make that happen) Oh! There's nothing above your bed!!
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
Rachel: (not sure what to do) Uh, it was very nice meeting you. (They continue to ignore her.)
Rachel: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
(Shes about to get in when )
Chandler: Whoho ho... Listen to the judgement from the porn star!
Monica: Hey guys! You found the presents? Chandler, you let them find the presents? Great! Do you know how long it took me to find you that water purifier?
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Phoebe: And this time, theyve ganged up to form one giant, super hat.
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
Ross: It was the chair again! Okay? Im not doing it! It whatlook, I dontyknow whateh-eh (He walks away and goes over to Mona.) Hi.
(They all run to the window.)
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Well, its better than us deciding.
Chandler: Do you happen to know what Im going to say?
Rachel: I dont want to say.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the gang is watching Joeys debut on Days.]
Chandler: (transfixed) Hi! Nice to meet you!
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
Ross: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie.
Rachel: Why does it matter so much to you?!
[Cut to the guys.]
Joanna: Oh, I know and hes soo sweet! Listen, he said he was going to call, so put him straight through.
[Cut back to the girls.]
Joey: All right now All right, youre all set up. Youre good to go. Just hit record. All right?
(She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.)
[Cut to the guys.]
Rachel: Thats-thats great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Lets go. (Gets up to leave, but Paul doesnt move.)
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) Thats one?
Bonnie: (to Rachel) Thanks a million.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Rachel: Hey, what have you guys been up to?
[Cut back to Central Perk.]
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler: Well lets see, there was the guy with the ferrets, thats plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!
Monica: You bet! No TV or anything! (she gets up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen area)
Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, andoh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!
Monica: Come on, get into bed! I want to prove to you that Im not sick! I wanna make you feel, as good as I feel. (Sneezes.)
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Why do you care about the guy who won the Paris trip?
[Cut to the bathroom.]
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
Rachel: Well... well, what did you do to make her laugh? (excited)
Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, thats beautiful.
JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.
Monica: They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago.
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
Joey: (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! Thats good!
Joey: (laughs) Yeah! Right! (points at Monica) People eat birds... Bird meat... Now do they just fly into your mouth or you go to... you go to a restaurant and you say: "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird." (laughs again) Or... or maybe just a wing or... (realises...)
[Scene: Ross's hotel room. Ross and is reading his keynote speech to Charlie from his laptop]