words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are getting ready to go on their honeymoon. Monica is entering from the bedroom.]
(Joey looks at him, Phoebe tries not to smile, and Chandler is shocked.)
Rachel: I want to tell you to have a good honeymoon! (Hugs Monica.)
Rachel: And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. (They all look at her expectantly) What? What? What?
Rachel: Oh, I so wanted Ross to know first, but Im so relieved you guys know.
Rachel: Yeah but how do I start? I mean, whats-whats the first thing that I say? (They all pause to think.) Okay great! Thanks. (She starts to leave.)
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Joey: (whispering to Chandler) Youll tell me later?
Phoebe: Oh, it's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
Joey: I dont have a key, they took mine to give to you.
Phoebe: What?! They took mine to give to you!
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Well, she really wanted to talk to you now.
Ross: Im telling you. Im telling you. Thats what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didnt say anything to you?
Phoebe: (To Joey) Maybe its something you ate?
Joey: Please, just-just, just go and talk to Rachel.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? Cause she said, "Next."
(The couple moves up to the counter.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Did you hear that?! They bumped them up to first class because they are on their honeymoon! Come on! Lets act like were on our honeymoon.
(They go up to the counter.)
Monica: Oh no, you see were on our honeymoon. So umm, can you do your little thing and bump us up to first class?
Phoebe: Of course I do! And Im gonna give it back to you as soon as theyre done with it at the key shining place.
(They hear a knocking sound coming from the hallway and go to investigate.)
Mr. Treeger: Because by the time I find it on this thing (Holds up a huge key ring with a thousand keys on it), the whole place might have exploded. If that happens at another building that I manage, people are gonna start asking questions. (To the fireman) Come on! Hurry up.
Monica: Me neither! We have to get in! (She runs through the door with Chandler in tow.)
Chandler: Shh! (To the guy behind the counter) Nice to see you again. (They tries to walk past him.)
Chandler: Apology accepted. Excuse us. (They try to enter again.)
Airline Employee: Sir! Im afraid Im gonna have to ask you to leave.
Monica: Fine. (Starts to walk away then she runs over and grabs an orange before she exits.) Go! Go! Go!
Rachel: Hi. (He helps her up.) Umm, I think theres something that we really need to talk about.
Ross: Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment umm, I think maybe I should talk first.
Ross: Okay. Okay. Yknow what? If you want to, we can do it one more time. I mean Id-Id be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now.
Ross: No they dont!!! (He runs to the bedroom to check and returns with his box of condoms.) Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!!
Ross: No! No! I want to talk now! Okay? IIn fact, (picks up the phone) I am going to talk to the president of the condom company!
Rachel: Okay, yknow maybe I should come back (Starts to leave.)
Ross: (on phone) Yeah Ill press 1! (Presses one which allows Rachel to escape.)
Phoebe: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? Cause yknow umm, they dont-they dont have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.
Mr. Treeger: Well Im gonna have to put on a new lock, theyll find out anyway.
Mr. Treeger: (measures the top of the doorframe) Whoa! This looks like an all day job, Ill have to cancel my yoga class. (Ross walks up.) Hey Ross!
Mr. Treeger: Could you tell Jasmine that I won't make it to yoga class today?
Ross: Oh my God! What happened to the door?!
Ross: Look, is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her.
Joey: Well, what did you say to her?
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
Chandler: Oh youve got to be kidding me.
Front Desk Clerk: As a wedding gift to you, the hotel would like to give you the honeymoon suite.
Woman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We dont care about where we stay. Were here to celebrate our love together. We dont have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Monica: What? Are you serious?! (To Chandler) Joey smells gas!
Joey: Uh, okay Ill-Ill-Ill break it down. (He hands the phone to Phoebe, gets up, picks up a chair, and starts banging it on the floor.)
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Ross: Uh we-we need to talk.
Ross: Please, please I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.
Ross: What? Oh yeah. (He moves next to her head.) Im sorry. I mean I-I think I went a little crazy. I mean I was thinking about myself when I (Wanders towards Rachels feet) reallyI should have been thinking about you Rach
Ross: Right! Right! I justI want you to know that Im going to be there through this whole thing, okay? Okay? The doctors appointments, the uh, the Lamaze classes, uh baby-proofing the apartmentAlthough we could probably worry about that til after we get married.
Rachel: What, because thats your answer to everything?
Ross: No, because thats the right thing to do.
Ross: Im just saying if you cant eat by yourself, how do you expect to have a baby by yourself?
Ross: Well certain other people take two hours to eat a bowl of soup!
Dr. Long: Huh. Nice to meet you. Ill get started on this.
Ross: (To Rachel, standing by her feet) I dont know why you cant admit that you need me.
Rachel: I do need you! I need you to stand near my head!
(Dr. Long exits and Rachel starts to cry.)
Rachel: I know, I lied! I didnt want her to think I was a terrible mother! I cant even see my own baby!
Rachel: Oh no, I know I couldnt see it either at first, but its right umm (Starts to cry) Ross, I lost it again.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Ross: (to Rachel) Oh, youre nice to her.
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Rachel: Well, we are ready to try anything.
Kathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.
Rachel: You like that? (She climbs on the barcalounger seductively, putting her knees next to Joey's hips.) Let's take this into high gear (She pulls the barcalounger lever and seat reclines. She puts one of her knees between his legs and begins to kiss his neck.)
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: I know. You're right. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldnt have, but it did. I mean I like her, I dont want to stop seeing her, but every so often its like Hey, y'know what, wheres your leg? I mean Im the smallest person in the world arent I? Im the smallest person in the world.
(Rachel turns her head to Ross and Phoebe and mouths, "No way.")
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Joey: (to the waiter) Hey! Are those crab cakes? (The waiter nods) Did I not tell ya to come straight to me when more crab cakes were ready?
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Ross: I love when you talk dirty to me.
Monica: Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you! (Gets up to find Chandler.)
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to cry)
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.)
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.
Joey: Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey. Whos that?
Joey: God. Hes crazy! Why doesnt he want to be with Rachel?
Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?
PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Ross: (to him) Hey! You wanna live to see your baby?!
Ross: Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Ross: Alright, ok, let's do it. (Ross sits down at the desk and they all gather around him) Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! (Rachel and Joey look confused) And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)
Joey: Why not? Youll feel better! Ill feel better, and you know you want to. I can see it in your eyes.
Amy turns around to Phoebe: Emma, Ross wants you.
Amy turns to Ross and Rachel: Why does she keep making that noise?
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monicas boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!
Joey: And-and theres no danger to her and the baby?
Phoebe: Thank you. (Starts to exit.)
(Joey starts to leave, but stops.)
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?
Ross first has a look of 'huh' then changes it to sarcastic happy: Thank you Amy.
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
Phoebe: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.
Monica: (runs over to her) I tried to reach you at work. Theres....been a fire.
Phoebe: Joseph! (to waiter) Thou needn�t worry, they shan�t be long.
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Ross: (To Rachel) Squeeze your legs together and cover the babys ears!
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
(Ross shrugs his shoulders to Rachel and Sick Bastard closes the screen all the way.)
Paul: Nope! That never happened to me!
[cut to outside of Central Perk]
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dancekarate lessons.
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Ross: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
Monica: Yknow I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over
Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide, dont you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
(Dr. Long hands her to Rachel.)
Joey: No they cant! They were stupid enough to get knocked up!
Phoebe: Yeah! (She hands the phone to Chandler.)
Rachel: Here. (Hands her to Monica.)
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
Rachel: Well what are we going to do?
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
Chandler: (entering) Hey Phoebe! (To Rachel) Fatty!
Chandler: What?! Its not right! Were not ready to have a kid now!!
Monica: No, Ive had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
Chandler: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
[Fade to black.]
Ross: Hey Joey. (To Rachel) Hey you.
Phoebe: you know maybe this is a wake up call, about your whole dating attitude. Your in your thirty's and you've never had a serious relationship and you have never been in a long term relationship, here you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience never even worrying that it doesn't tern into anything serious.
Rachel: I know, I still need to talk to you.
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
Rachel: Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond.
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Rachel: Well-well you can give them to me! I havent felt my feet in years!
Amy: <points to Chandler> This guy? Seriously?
Joey: Oh God, what the hell am I going to tell him?
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, Im going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, Im going to do the whole city.
Monica: (moving over to the couch) Still smoking cigars?
(Ross turns to look at Joey.)
[Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him.]
Phoebe: Why?! You two are so meant to be together, everybody thinks so.