words in movies
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
CHAN: Does anyone have one from a different paper? Ross, read yours.
JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.
MNCA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe this will change your mind. [Reads from paper] In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiana was able to achieve brilliant new levels of... continued on page 153...[turns it] sucking.
JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.
ROSS: Yeah, yeah, just a tough day at work. A stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid. Whoa, whoa, I know this jacket, this is, th--Fun Bobby's jacket! Where is he, what. He, he's here, isn't he?
RACH: We went through a lot of wine tonight, you guys. [walks over to table, holding five empty wine bottles]
JOEY: I just had a glass.
CHAN: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug.
JOEY: [realizing what everyone else did a minute ago] Ooooooh.
MNCA: So what. So he drank a lot tonight.
ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.
MNCA: Well, we just happen to go to alot of places where you might drink. I mean, how do you go to a wine tasting without having a drink? Or... or to a club, or to the... zoo.
[Scene: Monica, Fun Bobby, and Phoebe sitting in Central Perk Rachel is serving them. She brings a mug to Monica.]
MNCA: [takes a sip] Mmmm, no.
FBOB: [pulls out a flask] Whattaya say we make these, uh, coffees Irish?
FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'
PHOE: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.
RACH: Yeah... I, uhh... I have a... I have a date.
JOEY: With a man?
RACH: What? What is so strange about me having a date?
[Russ enters Central Perk. He looks like Ross, except for his chin and hair (it is David Schwimmer in a dual role).]
ESTL: Stop saying you're not talented, you're very talented. It's just with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left. Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? [a knock on the door] Oooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later.
JOEY: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback for Thursday.
ESTL: Oh, isn't Lori a doll?
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
MNCA: Oh, he's sober alright. Just turns out that Fun Bobby was fun for a reason.
FBOB: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walkin' around the neighborhood but apparently there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.
MNCA: She's just upset because she, uh, she buttered a spider into her toast this morning.
RUSS: Are you a, uh, friend of Rachel's?
ROSS: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of Rachel's?
RUSS: Actually, I'm a... kind of a.... you know, a... date-type... thing... of Rachel's.
ROSS: A date.
CHAN: You know, this is actually good, because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare.
ROSS: Yes, yes I am. And you are a....
ROSS: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It was nice, nice... uh... meeting you.
ROSS: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is the deal...
ROSS: OK, well, um, have a nice evening.
ROSS: See what? I don't know what she sees in... innn that goober. And it takes him, what? Like... like... I don't know, uhh... uhhh, hello.... a... week, to get out a sentence.
JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television.
CHAN: Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know.
JOEY: I've never slept with someone for a part.
CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar for a cookie, takes his hand out, covered with pasta sauce]
JOEY: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar, or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. [pause] You know, after having slept with her.
CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.
[Scene: A restaurant. Fun Bobby and Monica are ordering.]
MNCA: [grabs waiter as he's leaving] I'd like a scotch on the rocks with a twist.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch between Russ and Ross, doing a crossword puzzle.]
ROSS: [to Russ] For your information, it's a card sharp, not a card shark.
RUSS: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor.
ROSS: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in. It's like day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.
CHAN: No, I don't even think he knew. Hey, would you sleep with somebody to get a great job?
[Monica pulls out a bag full of airline bottles of liquor.]
MNCA: Hi. I'll be ready in just a second.
FBOB: Uh, can I talk to you a minute?
FBOB: I think you may have a drinking problem.
FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?
CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
Ross: Thats right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, were dating. And you may frown upon that, but were not gonna hide it anymore.
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...
Phoebe: God, what a mess. (She grabs the bowl and heads for Monicas.)
Ross: Lets also get a hot plate!
Joey: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.
Joey: Look Rach, my parents bought this fridge just after I was born, okay? Now, I have never had a problem with it. Then you show up and it breaks! What does that tell ya?
Joey: All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, Ill take a check for the other hundred.
Rachel: I dont know, something either trees or diseaseRalph mumbles a lot.
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
Rachel: Anyway, theres this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren bought a table, so I kinda have to go
Rachel: Well, someone that has his own tux, or has the ability to rent a tux.
Chandler: So he has to be a male who has at least $50.
Chandler: So, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of homework to do?
Phoebe: (interrupting) Okay, I got a good one. Okay, umm, what is she? Like 12?
Phoebe: Oh thats good, I guess shell have a choice between my guy and your weirdo.
Joey: Hey-hey come on you guys, give him a break. Ross, seriously, hows it going with her?
Ross: Thanks. I know you guys like to give me a hard time and all, but it really means a lot to me that you like her. Just knowing that you guys are
Phoebe: (still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) Thats it! Im out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!
Chandler: A face ass?
Phoebe: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these (She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form )
Monica: Well, uh yknow, our guy works with Chandler and hes really nice and smart and hes a great dresser!
Chandler: Why would our guy be a weirdo?
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Phoebe: A chin dimple!
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
Monica: All right fine, your guy may have a great body, but our guy is really funny.
Monica: Our guys a great dancer!
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
Chandler: (not quite sure where Joeys going and is a little worried) Okay
Ross: Hmm? (Turns around and sees that its Elizabeth) Oh, a student I dont know.
Joey: So what? Look, suppose we were a divorced couple.
Elizabeth: I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment?
Elizabeth: Yeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips
Ross: You dont understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, Im not ready for this! Okay? What-what do I tell her?
Chandler: Then you distract her with a Barbie doll.
Joey: And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid.
Joey: I still havent gotten a check for your half yet.
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didnt want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that shes going to Florida for spring vacation.
Sebastian: Can I get you a cup of coffee?
Ross: Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!" (Imitates the party noise.) All right? I mean shes taken my class!
Joey: Relax okay, I-I-I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?
(Ross leaves to do so and Rachel enters with a guy.)
Chandler: Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break? (Does a little whooping/party noise.)
Monica: Yes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandlers work!
Rachel: You found me a guy?
Monica: Are you funny? Tell us a joke!
Sebastian: Actually, I uh, I gotta get going. (To Rachel) Give me a call sometime.
Phoebe: Well, so do a lot of people.
Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, were very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And yknow what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
Chandler: Yeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cats name?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Joey: So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And yknow who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks.
Monica: Okay! Okay! We can take a hint! (They start to leave but run into Phoebe with her guy in tow.) (To Phoebe) What are you doing here?!
Phoebe: Oh! Okay! Yeah, thats okay. (To Patrick) Have a seat. (Sits Patrick down next to Rachel.)
All: (Chandler stops her) No-no-no-no! Have a seat! Have a seat!
Burt: Theyre gonna fire you! You cant date a student! Its against the rules.
Rachel: Ill tell ya who should be embarrassed! Its you guys! Come on! This is ridiculous! Thank you very much, but I do not need you to get me a date!
Ross: It was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway, umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because its revealing which Im fine with, no Im concerned about your health, sun exposure.
Ross: So uh, have a great time down there.
Elizabeth: Ross, its going to be okay. Im not going down there to hook up with a bunch of guys. I really like you. I like how things are going between us.
(A group of about 10 guys and no women come running around the corner.)
Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didnt get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
Rachel: I wanna say a disease.
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
Rachel: Joey, what are you talking about? Youre a terrific actor.
Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!
Ross: Really?! (To Rachel) Hey, yknow what? Since you have such a great sense of what I need, uh ooh, heres-heres 60 bucks, why dont you take Phoebe down to that Colonial flea market of yours and get me some stuff.
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!! (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.)
Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
Joey: I want this part so much! Yknow? If I dont get this part Im never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!No, I didnt say that! Thats a lie.
[Cut to a shot of a park.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball and Joey scores a goal.]
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
[Scene: The park, Rachel's running by herself and panting. After a little while she decides to run like Phoebe.]
Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There arent any message youve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently youre not very good at it! I
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, its not that common! It doesnt happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.]
Chandler: You are gonna be a huge star! Im gonna hug ya!
Joey: Yeah, youre right. Okay look, listen, lets talk about what a huge star Im gonna be!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: Thatll be a neat trick, when youre, (looks at the script) when youre dead!
Phoebe: I thought you were excellent! In fact for a minute there I was like, "Ooh, whered Ross go?"
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Rachel: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.